Falling on His Grace

Lessons Learned on My Journey Through Depression and Anxiety: Part I

2012-01-25T14:39:00.002-06:00

Falling on the Grace of God

As I have traveled this road through depression, and more recently anxiety, I feel God has taught me many things, especially during these last several months. I am on a very good path right now, one with its ups and downs, but one that is leading me ever closer to Him. With the Holy Spirit as my guide, in part leading me through a very holy and humble priest, I travel. I'd like to share some of these lessons with you, knowing that God is leading each of us in different ways unique to our own needs, but in hopes that you, or perhaps people you know, may grow closer to Him, through your/their own crosses, possibly including depression or anxiety.

One lesson I have learned, this one actually a few years ago, late in the year 2008, is to view the cross of depression and anxiety in a more positive light. It was the first of many paradigm shifts. It is easy to view our crosses in a very negative light, for they are often difficult to carry and weigh us down. But in God's wisdom, our crosses can become something that actually lift us up, closer to Himself. Our crosses, including the crosses of depression and anxiety, are an invitation to rely more heavily on Him, to trust in Him rather than in ourselves, to come to Him in our weakness and lay our worries upon Him.

Depression and anxiety both introduce a choice. Do we despair or worry, or do we trust in Christ Jesus? No matter how we may feel, we do have the ability to make this decision. It is said that the Bible contains the words "Do no worry" or "Do not be afraid" or some derivative of those words three hundred-some times. Christ wants to make it clear that we are not to worry, we are not to despair; He is here for us and is taking care of us, no matter what the situation. His grace is sufficient for us (cf. 2 Corinthians 12:9).

Christ is the great healer, the great physician. If God the Father wills that we be healed, we will be. But He may also be using our sufferings for our own sanctification. Or perhaps both are the case - that He is using our sufferings for a special purpose now, and to teach us how to follow Him now, and will heal us when we are ready for the healing. In any case, if we trust Him, He will use the sufferings and the crosses of depression and anxiety for our own good and for the good of those He has entrusted to us. He cannot help but bring about good in our lives if we give Him permission to do so (cf. Romans 8:28). When we truly realize this, it is difficult not to react with gratitude, despite the difficulties we are facing.

Not only that, but when we truly trust in Him and lay our burdens upon Him, He helps us to pick up our crosses and carry them. He gives us strength to continue along the journey. He stays with us, and within us, giving us the peace the world cannot give us, peace beyond explanation, and giving us faith in Him that, no matter what the situation, we will be alright as long as we have Him. He tells us: "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). We often try to do so many things for ourselves, especially when we are under pressure or have a time constraint. We don't rely on our Savior enough. Yet, He is here for us and here with us; He wants to help us and to lighten that yoke from around our shoulders through helping us to carry it.

This is what my blog title refers to: Falling on His Grace. I need the grace of God to help me through this tangle I call life. I find it too easy to fall into despair or worry, and I find myself in the state of depression or anxiety quite often. And why not? Life is difficult. It's too often full of uncertainties and frustrations, full of opportunities for worry and despair to sneak in and steal our joy. But we have a God Who is all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful and wills our good. Rather than relying only on ourselves and our own knowledge and efforts and falling into worry or despair, we can rely on God and fall onto His grace. We can trust that God will work all things to good for us, that all uncertainties are not uncertainties to Him and that all we are worried about will indeed work out under His guidance. We can trust God that He will lighten for us all struggles and frustrations and that He will be our strength to bear them until He redeems them and brings them to glory.

I have struggled with depression all my life. I was born with a very melancholic personality. And I have, at least since early high school, tried everything I could think of to think and behave more positively and "beat" depression, only to be disappointed and frustrated again and again. What I see when looking back now is that, while I was praying to God for help and listening for inspiration from Him, I was actually relying on myself and my own understanding and abilities rather than on Him. I did not adequately trust Him and His timing. I did not desire the process He wanted to bring me through but instead impatiently wanted healing now. I am currently learning (and learning is the operative word here - I am a work in progress) that growth is a process - a process that must be led by God and not by me. He knows what is best for each of us, and He knows what timing is best. And He has the ability to carry it out. God can do for us what we are unable to do for ourselves. And when we place our needs in His hands in the spirit of faith rather than keep them in our own, He does indeed begin His loving work in us. He has placed on our hearts a desire for happiness, a desire that is meant to lead us closer to Himself. He does desire to fill our hearts with His joy, but it is only when we come to know Him and His love for us and come to trust in that love that we can begin to experience His joy.

Depression and anxiety do present a choice, as does any cross we humans must bear, but I do believe that because depression and anxiety tend to be more consistently with us than do many other crosses and do so deeply affect many aspects of our lives, making the choice to trust in Christ is more necessary. And we need to make that choice again and again, indeed every time we are tempted to despair or worry, and so we are given the opportunity to progressively grow in trust and in faith. Faith that is not tested does not adequately grow. It is when we are tested that we are given a chance to "exercise" our faith, and faith, when it is exercised, does indeed grow stronger.

Christ challenges us at all times to have faith in Him. He is able to take situations which seem impossible and rectify them, oftentimes in a super-natural way. He did this with five thousand men gathered around Him to listen to Him teach. They did not want to leave, for they were hungry for His Word, but it was getting late, and it appeared Jesus would need to send them off so that they could feed their stomachs. Jesus said, "No, let them stay," for He knew the importance of the hunger they felt in their souls. Giving thanks to His Father in Heaven, He was able to feed more than five thousand people with just five loaves and two fish. Their witnessing of that miracle, I'm sure, gave them more sustenance than did the food itself (Mk 6:34-44). Christ knows, still today, what we truly need and will work miracles in our lives in order to provide it for us when we come to Him in faith.

Later that evening, Jesus was praying alone, while His disciples were on a boat heading across the lake, rowing against a strong wind. It was a long journey, and they were greatly tiring as they continued to row all night and were likely wondering whether they would make it to the other side. Jesus then came toward them, walking on the water. They were all terrified, for they did not recognize Him against the early morning sky and thought they were seeing a ghost. He spoke to them "Courage!" and calmed the wind, dumbfounding them with His power and giving them courage and strength to continue to row until they reached the other side (Mark 6:45-52). Christ knows our journeys are difficult as well and sees when we grow tired and hopeless. He desires to speak strength and courage to us just as He did to His disciples, helping us by lightening our load and calming the wind so that we may also continue along our journey.

We are each called to have a Christian hope. Our hope is born of faith in the One Who sanctifies us, Who delivers us, Who shelters and feeds us. Christ is our all in all. He will provide for our every need if we but place our trust in Him. He has proven Himself time and time again throughout the course of history and will prove Himself trustworthy in our lives as well if we give Him the chance. Christ knows what we need better than we do, and He is able to provide it for us. He is able to be our strength when we are weak and our hope when all the world appears hopeless. Can we not place our trust in Him Who was able to feed five thousand from just five loaves and two fish and was able to calm the sea? Why, then, do we not have hope that all will turn out as it should in our own lives and the lives of those we love?

Again, we are presented with a choice: do we hope, or do we despair? Do we have faith or do we worry? We may not know what God has in store for us, which is a challenge in itself to our trust. To trust God is to let go. We like to be in control, especially when we are feeling anxious or depressed, for control brings with it a feeling of being grounded somehow, and therefore a feeling of greater security. Worry somehow brings with it this feeling of control. But as we learn to trust, we learn that our security is much greater when put into the the hands of God than it is in our own hands. To trust and to hope can be frightening at first, but the more we exercise our trust and hope, and the stronger it becomes, the safer it feels.

Each cross we carry, including depression and anxiety, hold this challenge and this invitation: to trust and hope in God rather than continue to worry and despair, to grow closer to Him who is the Source of all goodness and all love. God wants us to know Him. He wants to pour His love upon us. He wants us to know His joy and His peace. He is inviting us. Let's answer this invitation with gratitude! St. Paul says, "I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me" (2 Cor 12:9b). He had become grateful for his weakness because it was in His weakness that He had come to know the strength of God. St. Paul had made that decision to rely on God, to allow God to draw him closer to Himself, and God answered. Let's follow his example!

I have had a sense for several years that my depression was in some way a gift, an invitation, though I really couldn't explain why. I knew I needed God and that my need for Him was more apparent than it is for many people. And I was, even at that time, grateful for that gift. But I didn't know how that opportunity would play itself out. I find in interesting that God used my worsening symptoms in the form of sudden and fairly intense anxiety to teach me these things. Thus, it's only been in the last 4-5 months that I have begun to understand it and have been able to put more words to this need to trust in Him. This initial understanding, I believe, is the beginning of a long process of growth in faith and a growing closer to Our Lord, a process I hope and trust will continue.

The anxiety I experienced this year, and the depression I have experienced all my life, had seemed to me to be beyond hope of a cure. While I cannot call myself "cured," God is doing wonderful and amazing things in my life and is teaching me the ways of faith and of hope in Him and gifting me with His reassurance and with His peace. In God, I have no true need to worry or to despair, and the choice to trust and to hope is progressively becoming easier and more natural. And I am truly amazed at the work He has done in me; I am amazed by His love and His power. I have no doubt whatsoever that it is God Who is doing this work in me. Currently, I am typically in a fairly stable mood without any signs of significant depression. I do have my days when I am feeling somewhat depressed, but even on those days, I have the faith that I will very soon feel better. And my anxiety also typically well under control, with my having very tolerable anxiety, if any, the vast majority of the time. When I compare this to where I was a year ago, with nearly constant moderate or intense anxiety and increasing depression, I'm honestly amazed.

I will, in future emails, attempt to explain what I am learning in greater detail and following the steps God led me through in my own healing process, in hopes that my explaining it will shed, though God's grace and His guidance, more light on these things for my readers and for myself. I hope that, as I grow in understanding, I will be able to express the beauty of the things I am learning with growing clarity. This is my journey I am sharing with you, and while I know each person has their own journey, and God is leading each of us individually, I do also believe we are here to share our experiences and to lift each other up, and in the hopes of finding a common thread in which one person can help another.

God bless you!

Just a note: I want to make it clear that it is not my faith that is providing the healing, but God's grace, along with my docility (or attempts at docility) towards His works. :)

New Post

2011-08-12T15:01:00.001-05:00

I have posted on my new blog Adventures of a New-at-Home Mom. Please come visit me!

Countdown to Graduation: T + 2 months

2011-07-31T13:56:00.002-05:00

Sorry I have been so distant lately, not writing nor following. We have been busy - my husband with an 18 credit last semester, and me with working, and both with our boys. Then Andy's applying for jobs, followed by a time of transition. Yes, that's right: transition! Wonderful transition! To the very thing we have been working so hard for these last three or four years. Andy has found a job as a financial analyst, just 15 miles south of us, and I have just completed my first week at home! Andy is working at a foundry, in the office, helping with their internal accounting. Everyone seems to be great and helpful, and generally happy and friendly.

With this new transition also, and with learning to be a stay-at-home mom, I'm wanting to start a new blog. I'm trying to start one on newhomemom.blogspot.com, titled "Adventures of a New-at-Home Mom." Hopefully it will be up and running soon.

I am very excited to be starting my time at home. While I know being home is not always easy, I am excited to be there for my kids and create more stability in our home.

Our Lady of Medjugorje

2011-05-25T17:15:00.000-05:00

Message, 25. May 2011

“Dear children! My prayer today is for all of you who seek the grace of conversion. You knock on the door of my heart, but without hope and prayer, in sin, and without the Sacrament of Reconciliation with God. Leave sin and decide, little children, for holiness. Only in this way can I help you, hear your prayers and seek intercession before the Most High. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

2011-03-02T13:34:00.001-06:00

Message of March 02, 2011

"Dear children; My motherly heart suffers tremendously as I look at my children who persistently put what is human before what is of God; at my children who, despite everything that surrounds them and despite all the signs that are sent to them, think that they can walk without my Son. They cannot! They are walking to eternal perdition. That is why I am gathering you, who are ready to open your heart to me, you who are ready to be apostles of my love, to help me; so that by living God's love you may be an example to those who do not know it. May fasting and prayer give you strength in that and I bless you with motherly blessing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Thank you."
Our Lady was very sad.

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Feb 25, 2011 Message

2011-02-25T16:59:00.001-06:00

Message, 25. February 2011

“Dear children! Nature is awakening and on the trees the first buds are seen which will bring most beautiful flowers and fruit. I desire that you also, little children, work on your conversion and that you be those who witness with their life, so that your example may be a sign and an incentive for conversion to others. I am with you and before my Son Jesus I intercede for your conversion. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

Improving or Not?

2011-02-07T19:29:00.002-06:00

Some moments I think I'm getting better, less anxious. Other moments, I'm not so sure. It feels like forever that I've been feeling this way, when it really just started around Jan 15. Walking and praying are helping, as are the medications I've started taking (an anti anxiety and antidepressant, as well as sleep aid, which I really don't like). At least I don't feel like I want to crawl out of my skin or like the walls of my home are closing in on me, and my heart rate is typically staying below 100 now. And I'm sleeping most nights, with the help of the three medications. My work, upon seeing how badly I am doing, asked me to take 2 full weeks off, starting this week.

And my husband also is having quite a bit of anxiety. He's got A LOT on his plate, and my anxiety as well as the way the kids are behaving is not helping him at all.

I don't like to ask for prayers for myself, but PLEASE do offer up a prayer or two for all four of us, perhaps to Mary or to her spouse Joseph, or directly to Jesus if you prefer.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Our Lady of Medjuorgje

2011-02-02T14:35:00.001-06:00

Our Lady's message to Mirjana Soldo of February, 2nd 2011.

"Dear children; You are gathering around me, you are seeking your way, you are seeking, you are seeking the truth but are forgetting what is the most important, you are forgetting to pray properly. Your lips pronounce countless words, but your spirit does not feel anything. Wandering in darkness, you even imagine God Himself according to yourselves, and not such as He really is in His love. Dear children, proper prayer comes from the depth of your heart, from your suffering, from your joy, from your seeking the forgiveness of sins. This is the way to come to know the right God and by that also yourselves, because you are created according to Him. Prayer will bring you to the fulfillment of my desire, of my mission here with you, to the unity in God's family. Thank you."

Our Lady blessed everyone present, thanked them and called us to pray for priests.

update on how I've been doing

2011-01-31T08:07:00.002-06:00

There's some improvement!! Yesterday, besides being a little tired and very slight anxiety, I really felt great!
Last Wed, my Dr put my on Zoloft, which of course takes 2-4 weeks to work but does work on anxiety and depression. She also gave me a sleeping pill (which hadn't worked for me in the past either, but I thought I'd try it... possibly got more anxiety after using it? not sure). So the other doctor in the clinic talked to me Fri and gave me Lorazapam, to be used prn. I use it at night and have been able to sleep, which makes a world of difference then next day! The first day, I used one during the day, the second (yesterday) a 1/2, and today, I'm going to try to go without and maybe try a 1/2 tonight.

But boy am I relieved. Still some anxiety that is situation-dependent, but not constant anymore. And I've been able to enjoy my kids and put up with their whining better.

So thanks for all your prayers and well-wishes. I'm not out of the woods yet, so please keep them coming! As well as for my husband, who is under a lot of pressure and has his first interview tomorrow.

Someday soon, I'll write a post on what I've learned through my second miscarriage and into this time of anxiety. God has taught me a great deal, for which I am grateful.

Readings Jan 30

2011-01-30T09:10:00.001-06:00

January 30, 2011
Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

From USCCB.org

Reading 1

Zep 2:3; 3:12-13

Seek the LORD, all you humble of the earth,
who have observed his law;
seek justice, seek humility;
perhaps you may be sheltered
on the day of the LORD’s anger.

But I will leave as a remnant in your midst
a people humble and lowly,
who shall take refuge in the name of the LORD:
the remnant of Israel.
They shall do no wrong
and speak no lies;
nor shall there be found in their mouths
a deceitful tongue;
they shall pasture and couch their flocks
with none to disturb them.

Ps 146:6-7, 8-9, 9-10

Responsorial Psalm

R. (Mt 5:3) Blessed the poor in spirit; the kingdom of heaven is theirs!
or:
R. Alleluia.
The LORD keeps faith forever,
secures justice for the oppressed,
gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets captives free.
R. Blessed the poor in spirit; the kingdom of heaven is theirs!
or:
R. Alleluia.
The LORD gives sight to the blind;
the LORD raises up those who were bowed down.
The LORD loves the just;
the LORD protects strangers.
R. Blessed the poor in spirit; the kingdom of heaven is theirs!
or:
R. Alleluia.
The fatherless and the widow the LORD sustains,
but the way of the wicked he thwarts.
The LORD shall reign forever;
your God, O Zion, through all generations. Alleluia.
R. Blessed the poor in spirit; the kingdom of heaven is theirs!
or:
R. Alleluia.

1 Cor 1:26-31

Reading 2

Consider your own calling, brothers and sisters.
Not many of you were wise by human standards,
not many were powerful,
not many were of noble birth.
Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise,
and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong,
and God chose the lowly and despised of the world,
those who count for nothing,
to reduce to nothing those who are something,
so that no human being might boast before God.
It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus,
who became for us wisdom from God,
as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption,
so that, as it is written,
“Whoever boasts, should boast in the Lord.”

Mt 5:1-12a

Gospel

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain,
and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him.
He began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.”

Blessings in Disguise

2011-01-26T00:31:00.002-06:00

I've had a difficult several months and have been through a range of emotions and am now left with pretty substantial anxiety and am beginning to feel depressed as well, perhaps because I've been dealing with all this just too long. I'm left with questions such as "does God want me to be suffering anxiety?" I'm learning to pray and rely on Him, though I have not done as well today, but could He have put this in my path so that I would rely on Him and strengthen my hope and reliance on Him? But today, I wonder if the devil is trying to use this to draw me away from God.

I've been hesitating to say anything as I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I do need some prayers please. Including that if God wants me to go on an antidepressant, that I will and that it will help quickly.

But I also know that it is in suffering that Christ brings us closer to Him, and that closeness with Him increases our joy. And I pray that at the end of this, I will find myself closer with Him than I was before. Before the onset of this anxiety, I certainly was feeling that was the case; I believe after this is settled down, I will once again find that to be the case, and I hope I will know even better the deep seated joy that defies all reason.

Our Lady of Medjugorje

2011-01-25T20:54:00.000-06:00

Message, 25. January 2011

"Dear children! Also today I am with you and I am looking at you and blessing you, and I am not losing hope that this world will change for the good and that peace will reign in the hearts of men. Joy will begin to reign in the world because you have opened yourselves to my call and to God’s love. The Holy Spirit is changing a multitude of those who have said ‘yes’. Therefore I desire to say to you: thank you for having responded to my call."

Countdown to Graduation: 4 months

2011-01-22T14:41:00.002-06:00

Four months until graduation!

Readings for Jan 23, 2011

2011-01-22T14:37:00.000-06:00

January 23, 2011
Third Sunday in Ordinary Time

Reading 1

Is 8:23-9:3-1

First the Lord degraded the land of Zebulun
and the land of Naphtali;
but in the end he has glorified the seaward road,
the land west of the Jordan,
the District of the Gentiles.

Anguish has taken wing, dispelled is darkness:
for there is no gloom where but now there was distress.
The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom
a light has shone.
You have brought them abundant joy
and great rejoicing,
as they rejoice before you as at the harvest,
as people make merry when dividing spoils.
For the yoke that burdened them,
the pole on their shoulder,
and the rod of their taskmaster
you have smashed, as on the day of Midian.

Ps 27:1, 4, 13-14

Responsorial Psalm

R. (1a) The Lord is my light and my salvation.
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom should I fear?
The LORD is my life’s refuge;
of whom should I be afraid?
R. The Lord is my light and my salvation.
One thing I ask of the LORD;
this I seek:
To dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
That I may gaze on the loveliness of the LORD
and contemplate his temple.
R. The Lord is my light and my salvation.
I believe that I shall see the bounty of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD with courage;
be stouthearted, and wait for the LORD.
R. The Lord is my light and my salvation.

1 Cor 1:10-13, 17

Reading 2

I urge you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree in what you say,
and that there be no divisions among you,
but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose.
For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters,
by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you.
I mean that each of you is saying,
“I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,”
or “I belong to Cephas,” or “I belong to Christ.”
Is Christ divided?
Was Paul crucified for you?
Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?
For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel,
and not with the wisdom of human eloquence,
so that the cross of Christ might not be emptied of its meaning.

Mt 4:12-23

Gospel

When Jesus heard that John had been arrested,
he withdrew to Galilee.
He left Nazareth and went to live in Capernaum by the sea,
in the region of Zebulun and Naphtali,
that what had been said through Isaiah the prophet
might be fulfilled:
Land of Zebulun and land of Naphtali,
the way to the sea, beyond the Jordan,
Galilee of the Gentiles,
the people who sit in darkness have seen a great light,
on those dwelling in a land overshadowed by death
light has arisen.
From that time on, Jesus began to preach and say,
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

As he was walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers,
Simon who is called Peter, and his brother Andrew,
casting a net into the sea; they were fishermen.
He said to them,
“Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
At once they left their nets and followed him.
He walked along from there and saw two other brothers,
James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John.
They were in a boat, with their father Zebedee, mending their nets.
He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father
and followed him.
He went around all of Galilee,
teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom,
and curing every disease and illness among the people.

Readings for the Baptism of Our Lord

2011-01-08T08:40:00.001-06:00

January 9, 2011
The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord

Reading 1

Is 42:1-4, 6-7

Thus says the LORD:
Here is my servant whom I uphold,
my chosen one with whom I am pleased,
upon whom I have put my spirit;
he shall bring forth justice to the nations,
not crying out, not shouting,
not making his voice heard in the street.
a bruised reed he shall not break,
and a smoldering wick he shall not quench,
until he establishes justice on the earth;
the coastlands will wait for his teaching.

I, the LORD, have called you for the victory of justice,
I have grasped you by the hand;
I formed you, and set you
as a covenant of the people,
a light for the nations,
to open the eyes of the blind,
to bring out prisoners from confinement,
and from the dungeon, those who live in darkness.

Responsorial Psalm
Ps 29:1-2, 3-4, 3, 9-10

R. (11b) The Lord will bless his people with peace.
Give to the LORD, you sons of God,
give to the LORD glory and praise,
Give to the LORD the glory due his name;
adore the LORD in holy attire.
R. The Lord will bless his people with peace.
The voice of the LORD is over the waters,
the LORD, over vast waters.
The voice of the LORD is mighty;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.
R. The Lord will bless his people with peace.
The God of glory thunders,
and in his temple all say, “Glory!”
The LORD is enthroned above the flood;
the LORD is enthroned as king forever.
R. The Lord will bless his people with peace.

Reading 2

Acts 10:34-38

Peter proceeded to speak to those gathered
in the house of Cornelius, saying:
“In truth, I see that God shows no partiality.
Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly
is acceptable to him.
You know the word that he sent to the Israelites
as he proclaimed peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all,
what has happened all over Judea,
beginning in Galilee after the baptism
that John preached,
how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth
with the Holy Spirit and power.
He went about doing good
and healing all those oppressed by the devil,
for God was with him.”

Gospel
Mt 3:13-17

Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan
to be baptized by him.
John tried to prevent him, saying,
“I need to be baptized by you,
and yet you are coming to me?”
Jesus said to him in reply,
“Allow it now, for thus it is fitting for us
to fulfill all righteousness.”
Then he allowed him.
After Jesus was baptized,
he came up from the water and behold,
the heavens were opened for him,
and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove
and coming upon him.
And a voice came from the heavens, saying,
“This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Jan 2 message

2011-01-02T19:00:00.001-06:00

January 2, 2011 message of Our Lady of Medjugorje to Mirjana Soldo

"Dear children; Today I call you to unity (communion) in Jesus, my Son. My motherly heart prays that you may comprehend that you are God's family. Through the spiritual freedom of will, which the Heavenly Father has given you, you are called to become cognizant (to come to the knowledge) of the truth, the good or the evil. May prayer and fasting open your hearts and help you to discover the Heavenly Father through my Son. In discovering the Father, your life will be directed to carrying out of God's will and the realization of God's family, in the way that my Son desires (wishes). I will not leave you alone on this path. Thank you."

Mirjana felt that she could say to Our Lady: ' We have all come to you with our sufferings and crosses. Help us, we implore you.' Our Lady extended her hands towards us and said: "Open your hearts to me. Give your sufferings to me. The Mother will help."

Readings for the Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord

2010-12-30T20:39:00.002-06:00

January 2, 2011
Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord

Reading 1

Is 60:1-6

Rise up in splendor, Jerusalem! Your light has come,
the glory of the Lord shines upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth,
and thick clouds cover the peoples;
but upon you the LORD shines,
and over you appears his glory.
Nations shall walk by your light,
and kings by your shining radiance.
Raise your eyes and look about;
they all gather and come to you:
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters in the arms of their nurses.

Then you shall be radiant at what you see,
your heart shall throb and overflow,
for the riches of the sea shall be emptied out before you,
the wealth of nations shall be brought to you.
Caravans of camels shall fill you,
dromedaries from Midian and Ephah;
all from Sheba shall come
bearing gold and frankincense,
and proclaiming the praises of the LORD.

Reading 2

Eph 3:2-3a, 5-6

Brothers and sisters:
You have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace
that was given to me for your benefit,
namely, that the mystery was made known to me by revelation.
It was not made known to people in other generations
as it has now been revealed
to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit:
that the Gentiles are coheirs, members of the same body,
and copartners in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.

Gospel
Mt 2:1-12

When Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea,
in the days of King Herod,
behold, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying,
“Where is the newborn king of the Jews?
We saw his star at its rising
and have come to do him homage.”
When King Herod heard this,
he was greatly troubled,
and all Jerusalem with him.
Assembling all the chief priests and the scribes of the people,
He inquired of them where the Christ was to be born.
They said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea,
for thus it has been written through the prophet:
And you, Bethlehem, land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
since from you shall come a ruler,
who is to shepherd my people Israel.”
Then Herod called the magi secretly
and ascertained from them the time of the star’s appearance.
He sent them to Bethlehem and said,
“Go and search diligently for the child.
When you have found him, bring me word,
that I too may go and do him homage.”
After their audience with the king they set out.
And behold, the star that they had seen at its rising preceded them,
until it came and stopped over the place where the child was.
They were overjoyed at seeing the star,
and on entering the house
they saw the child with Mary his mother.
They prostrated themselves and did him homage.
Then they opened their treasures
and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod,
they departed for their country by another way.

Readings for the Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary

2010-12-30T20:33:00.003-06:00

Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God
January 1, 2011

Reading 1

Nm 6:22-27

The LORD said to Moses:
“Speak to Aaron and his sons and tell them:
This is how you shall bless the Israelites.
Say to them:
The LORD bless you and keep you!
The LORD let his face shine upon
you, and be gracious to you!
The LORD look upon you kindly and
give you peace!
So shall they invoke my name upon the Israelites,
and I will bless them.”

Reading 2

Gal 4:4-7

Brothers and sisters:
When the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son,
born of a woman, born under the law,
to ransom those under the law,
so that we might receive adoption as sons.
As proof that you are sons,
God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts,
crying out, “Abba, Father!”
So you are no longer a slave but a son,
and if a son then also an heir, through God.

Gospel
Lk 2:16-21

The shepherds went in haste to Bethlehem and found Mary and Joseph,
and the infant lying in the manger.
When they saw this,
they made known the message
that had been told them about this child.
All who heard it were amazed
by what had been told them by the shepherds.
And Mary kept all these things,
reflecting on them in her heart.
Then the shepherds returned,
glorifying and praising God
for all they had heard and seen,
just as it had been told to them.

When eight days were completed for his circumcision,
he was named Jesus, the name given him by the angel
before he was conceived in the womb.

Christmas Day Readings and Readings for Dec 26

2010-12-27T19:59:00.003-06:00

I'm a little late posting these because of Christmas.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope you all had a very merry and blessed Christmas Day and that your Christmas is continuing to be very blessed.

Christmas Day

Reading 1

Is 52:7-10

How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings glad tidings,
announcing peace, bearing good news,
announcing salvation, and saying to Zion,
“Your God is King!”

Hark! Your sentinels raise a cry,
together they shout for joy,
for they see directly, before their eyes,
the LORD restoring Zion.
Break out together in song,
O ruins of Jerusalem!
For the LORD comforts his people,
he redeems Jerusalem.
The LORD has bared his holy arm
in the sight of all the nations;
all the ends of the earth will behold
the salvation of our God.

December 25, 2010
The Nativity of the Lord Christmas
Mass During the Day

Reading 1

Is 52:7-10

How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings glad tidings,
announcing peace, bearing good news,
announcing salvation, and saying to Zion,
“Your God is King!”

Heb 1:1-6

Reading 2

Brothers and sisters:
In times past, God spoke in partial and various ways
to our ancestors through the prophets;
in these last days, he has spoken to us through the Son,
whom he made heir of all things
and through whom he created the universe,
who is the refulgence of his glory,
the very imprint of his being,
and who sustains all things by his mighty word.
When he had accomplished purification from sins,
he took his seat at the right hand of the Majesty on high,
as far superior to the angels
as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.

For to which of the angels did God ever say:
You are my son; this day I have begotten you?
Or again:
I will be a father to him, and he shall be a son to me?
And again, when he leads the firstborn into the world, he says:
Let all the angels of God worship him.

Jn 1:1-18

Gospel

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God.
All things came to be through him,
and without him nothing came to be.
What came to be through him was life,
and this life was the light of the human race;
the light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness has not overcome it.
A man named John was sent from God.
He came for testimony, to testify to the light,
so that all might believe through him.
He was not the light,
but came to testify to the light.
The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world.
He was in the world,
and the world came to be through him,
but the world did not know him.
He came to what was his own,
but his own people did not accept him.

But to those who did accept him
he gave power to become children of God,
to those who believe in his name,
who were born not by natural generation
nor by human choice nor by a man’s decision
but of God.
And the Word became flesh
and made his dwelling among us,
and we saw his glory,
the glory as of the Father’s only Son,
full of grace and truth.
John testified to him and cried out, saying,
“This was he of whom I said,
‘The one who is coming after me ranks ahead of me
because he existed before me.’”
From his fullness we have all received,
grace in place of grace,
because while the law was given through Moses,
grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
No one has ever seen God.
The only Son, God, who is at the Father’s side,
has revealed him.

December 26: Feast of the Holy Family

Reading 1

Sir 3:2-6, 12-14

God sets a father in honor over his children;
a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
and preserves himself from them.
When he prays, he is heard;
he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
Whoever honors his father is gladdened by children,
and, when he prays, is heard.
Whoever reveres his father will live a long life;
he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother.

My son, take care of your father when he is old;
grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him;
revile him not all the days of his life;
kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
firmly planted against the debt of your sins
—a house raised in justice to you.

Responsorial Psalm

R. (cf. 1) Blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways.
Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD,
who walks in his ways!
For you shall eat the fruit of your handiwork;
blessed shall you be, and favored.
R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine
in the recesses of your home;
your children like olive plants
around your table.
R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways.
Behold, thus is the man blessed
who fears the LORD.
The LORD bless you from Zion:
may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem
all the days of your life.
R. Blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways.

Reading 2
Col 3:12-21

Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts,
the peace into which you were also called in one body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another,
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Wives, be subordinate to your husbands,
as is proper in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives,
and avoid any bitterness toward them.
Children, obey your parents in everything,
for this is pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children,
so they may not become discouraged.

Gospel

Mt 2:13-15, 19-23

When the magi had departed, behold,
the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said,
“Rise, take the child and his mother, flee to Egypt,
and stay there until I tell you.
Herod is going to search for the child to destroy him.”
Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night
and departed for Egypt.
He stayed there until the death of Herod,
that what the Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled,
Out of Egypt I called my son.

When Herod had died, behold,
the angel of the Lord appeared in a dream
to Joseph in Egypt and said,
“Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel,
for those who sought the child’s life are dead.”
He rose, took the child and his mother,
and went to the land of Israel.
But when he heard that Archelaus was ruling over Judea
in place of his father Herod,
he was afraid to go back there.
And because he had been warned in a dream,
he departed for the region of Galilee.
He went and dwelt in a town called Nazareth,
so that what had been spoken through the prophets
might be fulfilled,
He shall be called a Nazorean.

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Dec 25 message

2010-12-27T19:48:00.003-06:00

Message, to Marija, December 25, 2010

“Dear children! Today, I and my Son desire to give you an abundance of joy and peace so that each of you may be a joyful carrier and witness of peace and joy in the places where you live. Little children, be a blessing and be peace. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

December 25, 2010 Annual Message to Jakov (another of the 5 seers)

At the last daily apparition to Jakov Colo on September 12th, 1998, Our Lady told him that henceforth he would have one apparition a year, every December 25th, on Christmas Day. This is also how it was this year. The apparition began at 2:25 pm and lasted 7 minutes.

Jakov said: Our Lady spoke to me about the secrets and at the end said: "Pray, pray, pray."

Countdown to Graduation: 5 months

2010-12-21T07:55:00.002-06:00

5 months until Andy graduates! That's only 22 weeks as of this last Saturday. I started my countdown around 22-23 months, and now it's down to 22 weeks. We're so close, yet it seems so far away. It is so easy, looking at how little time we have left, to focus on that whole time... which is still so very overwhelming. The challenge is to focus on one day at a time.

Though we still need to think about the big picture. Andy has started to apply for work for May/June... he's sent two applications to companies in this area so far. We're not expecting much since he's not available to work for 5+ months, but it doesn't hurt to try. It won't be long before he will be more seriously applying for work. He's also starting to study for the first part of two of his licensure exam, which he will take the week before the next semester starts.

Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Advent

2010-12-18T14:02:00.002-06:00

Reading 1

Is 7:10-14

The LORD spoke to Ahaz, saying:
Ask for a sign from the LORD, your God;
let it be deep as the netherworld, or high as the sky!
But Ahaz answered,
“I will not ask! I will not tempt the LORD!”
Then Isaiah said:
Listen, O house of David!
Is it not enough for you to weary people,
must you also weary my God?
Therefore the Lord himself will give you this sign:
the virgin shall conceive, and bear a son,
and shall name him Emmanuel.

Reading 2
Rom 1:1-7

Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus,
called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God,
which he promised previously through his prophets in the holy Scriptures,
the gospel about his Son, descended from David according to the flesh,
but established as Son of God in power
according to the Spirit of holiness
through resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord.
Through him we have received the grace of apostleship,
to bring about the obedience of faith,
for the sake of his name, among all the Gentiles,
among whom are you also, who are called to belong to Jesus Christ;
to all the beloved of God in Rome, called to be holy.
Grace to you and peace from God our Father
and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gospel

Mt 1:18-24

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about.
When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph,
but before they lived together,
she was found with child through the Holy Spirit.
Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man,
yet unwilling to expose her to shame,
decided to divorce her quietly.
Such was his intention when, behold,
the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,
“Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home.
For it is through the Holy Spirit
that this child has been conceived in her.
She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins.”
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:
Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall name him Emmanuel,
which means “God is with us.”
When Joseph awoke,
he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him
and took his wife into his home.

Wordless Wednesday (or nearly so): Winter Wonderland and our Manger Scene

2010-12-15T08:27:00.004-06:00

It was -15 out this morning. Brrrr....

The boys put the figures where they wanted them, with just a little coaxing from me to group the kings together and the shepherds together. I think I actually placed the two kings on the right side of the picture. Notice how the rest of the figures are facing Jesus (who at that time was in the manger, later taken out until Christmas day). I think the boys have the right idea here; it's not as visually pleasing this way, but I'm leaving it as is.

A Quote for Spiritual Growth

2010-12-15T07:50:00.002-06:00

From My Daily Bread, part 1, chapter 34:

Christ:"My child, there is one thing that stops many from making spiritual progress and keeps them from improving themselves. It is a fear of the difficulties or of the work required by their effort. The people who rise highest in holiness are those who are brave enough to fight against whatever holds them back from Me, no matter how hard or disagreeable the effort may be. The more you try to master your feelings and blind desires, the greater are the graces which I offer to you. If you keep on trying, you will gain as much success as I desire of you.
"Different men have to face different obstacles. Yet, a diligent and zealous person will make greater progress in virtue, even though he may have to fight more defects than others. Some people have fewer defects to overcome, and still they do not advance in holiness because they are less fervent in the pursuit of virtues.
[our response]: "Many are frightened by the thought of changing their ways in daily life. Yet the way can be quite simplified if only they will make the effort. First, they need a spiritual director to guide them along tand the help them see themselves without prejudice or fear. Second, they must be honest in striving for the virtues opposed to their main faults. Third, they must realize that their feelings and blind desires will go on rebelling and making their daily efforts more difficult. Lastly, they must learn to gain spiritual profit from all occasions, imitating the virtues which they see in others and avoiding the defects of their neighbors.
Pray: "O Holy Spirit, my God and Sanctifier, grant me the light to see what a glorious opportunity I now have of beginning a better life. Help me to take whatever steps are necessary to purify my soul by a sincere daily effort. You will not deny me the strength which I need, if only I will try to develop the virtues which I need most, in my daily life. Amen." (emphasis added)

Oh, how this contradicts much of what we hear from secular society: get the most done with the least effort, quickly. We shouldn't have to spend much time on anything. Instant gratification. Enjoy life; carpe diem. Feelings are important to pay attention to - they tell us a lot about ourselves and a situation. Feelings and desires are not wrong; they just are. Relativism and acceptance of sin. We need to change our world around us rather than changing or improving ourselves, rather than taking a good look at our faults. Let's instead make sin and faults acceptable and the norm. This is what the world tells us.

Few are willing to truly work at anything worthwhile anymore. Few are willing to truly be honest with themselves about their faults and failures, to take an honest look at themselves. Few are willing to look at their feelings and blind desires and see where they are leading them astray and leading them to sin. And few are willing to commit to the process of internal change and spiritual growth.

Indeed, spiritual growth is necessary. It is a difficult road, which is made easier by God's grace. While He lightens our load, we still must bear our crosses and follow where He leads. We must not be afraid or shy away but must be honest in seeing our faults and sins as they are and striving for the virtues which oppose those faults, continuing the fight even as we grow weary, rising again even as we fall, and trusting in Him to lead us, praying at all times. It is a difficult task, but then again, nothing worthwhile comes easy. And our holiness, and our leading our families to holiness through word and example, are the most important tasks we will ever be given.

"O Holy Spirit, my God and Sanctifier, grant me the light to see what a glorious opportunity I now have of beginning a better life. Help me to take whatever steps are necessary to purify my soul by a sincere daily effort. You will not deny me the strength which I need, if only I will try to develop the virtues which I need most, in my daily life. Amen."

Readings for the Third Sunday of Advent

2010-12-11T15:31:00.002-06:00

Reading 1

Is 35:1-6a, 10

The desert and the parched land will exult;
the steppe will rejoice and bloom.
They will bloom with abundant flowers,
and rejoice with joyful song.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to them,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.
Strengthen the hands that are feeble,
make firm the knees that are weak,
say to those whose hearts are frightened:
Be strong, fear not!
Here is your God,
he comes with vindication;
with divine recompense
he comes to save you.
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened,
the ears of the deaf be cleared;
then will the lame leap like a stag,
then the tongue of the mute will sing.

Those whom the LORD has ransomed will return
and enter Zion singing,
crowned with everlasting joy;
they will meet with joy and gladness,
sorrow and mourning will flee.

Reading 2

Jas 5:7-10

Be patient, brothers and sisters,
until the coming of the Lord.
See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth,
being patient with it
until it receives the early and the late rains.
You too must be patient.
Make your hearts firm,
because the coming of the Lord is at hand.
Do not complain, brothers and sisters, about one another,
that you may not be judged.
Behold, the Judge is standing before the gates.
Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers and sisters,
the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.

Gospel
Mt 11:2-11

When John the Baptist heard in prison of the works of the Christ,
he sent his disciples to Jesus with this question,
“Are you the one who is to come,
or should we look for another?”
Jesus said to them in reply,
“Go and tell John what you hear and see:
the blind regain their sight,
the lame walk,
lepers are cleansed,
the deaf hear,
the dead are raised,
and the poor have the good news proclaimed to them.
And blessed is the one who takes no offense at me.”

As they were going off,
Jesus began to speak to the crowds about John,
“What did you go out to the desert to see?
A reed swayed by the wind?
Then what did you go out to see?
Someone dressed in fine clothing?
Those who wear fine clothing are in royal palaces.
Then why did you go out? To see a prophet?
Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet.
This is the one about whom it is written:
Behold, I am sending my messenger ahead of you;
he will prepare your way before you.
Amen, I say to you,
among those born of women
there has been none greater than John the Baptist;
yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.”

Readings for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception

2010-12-08T08:33:00.002-06:00

Reading 1

Gn 3:9-15, 20

After the man, Adam, had eaten of the tree,
the LORD God called to the man and asked him, “Where are you?”
He answered, “I heard you in the garden;
but I was afraid, because I was naked,
so I hid myself.”
Then he asked, “Who told you that you were naked?
You have eaten, then,
from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat!”
The man replied, “The woman whom you put here with me
she gave me fruit from the tree, and so I ate it.”
The LORD God then asked the woman,
“Why did you do such a thing?”
The woman answered, “The serpent tricked me into it, so I ate it.”

Then the LORD God said to the serpent:
“Because you have done this, you shall be banned
from all the animals
and from all the wild creatures;
on your belly shall you crawl,
and dirt shall you eat
all the days of your life.
I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and hers;
he will strike at your head,
while you strike at his heel.”

The man called his wife Eve,
because she became the mother of all the living.

Reading 2

Eph 1:3-6, 11-12

Brothers and sisters:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who has blessed us in Christ
with every spiritual blessing in the heavens,
as he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world,
to be holy and without blemish before him.
In love he destined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ,
in accord with the favor of his will,
for the praise of the glory of his grace
that he granted us in the beloved.

In him we were also chosen,
destined in accord with the purpose of the One
who accomplishes all things according to the intention of his will,
so that we might exist for the praise of his glory,
we who first hoped in Christ.

Gospel
Lk 1:26-38

The angel Gabriel was sent from God
to a town of Galilee called Nazareth,
to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph,
of the house of David,
and the virgin’s name was Mary.
And coming to her, he said,
“Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.”
But she was greatly troubled at what was said
and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.
Then the angel said to her,
“Do not be afraid, Mary,
for you have found favor with God.
Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son,
and you shall name him Jesus.
He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High,
and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father,
and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever,
and of his Kingdom there will be no end.”
But Mary said to the angel,
“How can this be,
since I have no relations with a man?”
And the angel said to her in reply,
“The Holy Spirit will come upon you,
and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.
Therefore the child to be born
will be called holy, the Son of God.
And behold, Elizabeth, your relative,
has also conceived a son in her old age,
and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren;
for nothing will be impossible for God.”
Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord.
May it be done to me according to your word.”
Then the angel departed from her.

Wordless Wednesday: Rosary project

2010-12-08T08:28:00.001-06:00

Readings for the Second Sunday in Advent

2010-12-03T21:07:00.003-06:00

Reading 1

Is 11:1-10

On that day, a shoot shall sprout from the stump of Jesse,
and from his roots a bud shall blossom.
The spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him:
a spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
a spirit of counsel and of strength,
a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the LORD,
and his delight shall be the fear of the LORD.
Not by appearance shall he judge,
nor by hearsay shall he decide,
but he shall judge the poor with justice,
and decide aright for the land’s afflicted.
He shall strike the ruthless with the rod of his mouth,
and with the breath of his lips he shall slay the wicked.
Justice shall be the band around his waist,
and faithfulness a belt upon his hips.
Then the wolf shall be a guest of the lamb,
and the leopard shall lie down with the kid;
the calf and the young lion shall browse together,
with a little child to guide them.
The cow and the bear shall be neighbors,
together their young shall rest;
the lion shall eat hay like the ox.
The baby shall play by the cobra’s den,
and the child lay his hand on the adder’s lair.
There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain;
for the earth shall be filled with knowledge of the LORD,
as water covers the sea.
On that day, the root of Jesse,
set up as a signal for the nations,
the Gentiles shall seek out,
for his dwelling shall be glorious.

Reading 2
Rom 15:4-9

Brothers and sisters:
Whatever was written previously was written for our instruction,
that by endurance and by the encouragement of the Scriptures
we might have hope.
May the God of endurance and encouragement
grant you to think in harmony with one another,
in keeping with Christ Jesus,
that with one accord you may with one voice
glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Welcome one another, then, as Christ welcomed you,
for the glory of God.
For I say that Christ became a minister of the circumcised
to show God’s truthfulness,
to confirm the promises to the patriarchs,
but so that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy.
As it is written:
Therefore, I will praise you among the Gentiles
and sing praises to your name.

Gospel
Mt 3:1-12

John the Baptist appeared, preaching in the desert of Judea
and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!”
It was of him that the prophet Isaiah had spoken when he said:
A voice of one crying out in the desert,
Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.
John wore clothing made of camel’s hair
and had a leather belt around his waist.
His food was locusts and wild honey.
At that time Jerusalem, all Judea,
and the whole region around the Jordan
were going out to him
and were being baptized by him in the Jordan River
as they acknowledged their sins.

When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees
coming to his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers!
Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?
Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance.
And do not presume to say to yourselves,
‘We have Abraham as our father.’
For I tell you,
God can raise up children to Abraham from these stones.
Even now the ax lies at the root of the trees.
Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit
will be cut down and thrown into the fire.
I am baptizing you with water, for repentance,
but the one who is coming after me is mightier than I.
I am not worthy to carry his sandals.
He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
His winnowing fan is in his hand.
He will clear his threshing floor
and gather his wheat into his barn,
but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Dec 2 message

2010-12-02T22:12:00.002-06:00

Our Lady's December 2nd, 2010 Message to Mirjana

"Dear children; Today I am praying here with you that you may gather the strength to open your hearts and thus to become aware of the mighty love of the suffering God. Through this His love, goodness and meekness, I am also with you. I invite you for this special time of preparation to be a time of prayer, penance and conversion. My children, you need God. You cannot go forward without my Son. When you comprehend and accept this, what was promised to you will be realized. Through the Holy Spirit the Kingdom of Heaven will be born in your hearts. I am leading you to this. Thank you."

Serenity Prayer

2010-12-01T13:48:00.001-06:00

THE SERENITY PRAYER

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Blogging Break

2010-12-01T09:41:00.002-06:00

I'm going to take a break for a while from blogging, at least until after Christmas or after the new year. I need to focus on what's going on around here, and, while I don't post often, each time I post takes a chunk of time away from other things I could be doing and need to be doing, and time spent with family. I will probably still post messages from Our Lady of Medjugorje and the Sunday readings but little else. Hopefully I still will get to catch up with all of your blogs as I have not done that recently.

Wishing you all a very blessed Advent and Christmas!

Readings for the First Sunday of Advent

2010-11-29T07:56:00.002-06:00

I'm a day or two late with these. I want to try to post the readings for each Sunday, partially in attempt to read them myself before Mass. The readings will be taken from the USCCB website, New American translation.

Reading 1

Is 2:1-5

This is what Isaiah, son of Amoz,
saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem.
In days to come,
the mountain of the LORD’s house
shall be established as the highest mountain
and raised above the hills.
All nations shall stream toward it;
many peoples shall come and say:
“Come, let us climb the LORD’s mountain,
to the house of the God of Jacob,
that he may instruct us in his ways,
and we may walk in his paths.”
For from Zion shall go forth instruction,
and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
He shall judge between the nations,
and impose terms on many peoples.
They shall beat their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks;
one nation shall not raise the sword against another,
nor shall they train for war again.
O house of Jacob, come,
let us walk in the light of the Lord!

Reading 2
Rom 13:11-14

Brothers and sisters:
You know the time;
it is the hour now for you to awake from sleep.
For our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed;
the night is advanced, the day is at hand.
Let us then throw off the works of darkness
and put on the armor of light;
let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day,
not in orgies and drunkenness,
not in promiscuity and lust,
not in rivalry and jealousy.
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ,
and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.

Gospel
Mt 24:37-44

Jesus said to his disciples:
“As it was in the days of Noah,
so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.
In those days before the flood,
they were eating and drinking,
marrying and giving in marriage,
up to the day that Noah entered the ark.
They did not know until the flood came and carried them all away.
So will it be also at the coming of the Son of Man.
Two men will be out in the field;
one will be taken, and one will be left.
Two women will be grinding at the mill;
one will be taken, and one will be left.
Therefore, stay awake!
For you do not know on which day your Lord will come.
Be sure of this: if the master of the house
had known the hour of night when the thief was coming,
he would have stayed awake
and not let his house be broken into.
So too, you also must be prepared,
for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come.”

Update... Doing Better

2010-11-26T21:03:00.002-06:00

I love Romans 8:28. "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God." Well, He has proven that to be true once again!

I had a very difficult time with this miscarriage, being angry with God for having put me through this again. Well, I also have recognized a recurring theme in the last year. Have you noticed it?? (you don't really need to tell me if you have). The theme has been this: complain, complain, complain. Hopefully I really haven't been that bad, but truly I have been frustrated with my need to work, my thyroid and hormonal problems, my kids' behavior... I won't go on.

Meanwhile, my husband says, "It is what it is." Often. Alright, alright, I get it... or I thought I did.

No, really, I didn't get it like I should. It's not so much that life isn't fair (as in, it's not fair I have to work; it's not fair I have to deal with all these imbalances). Fair Smair. What is fair? (And I don't really have it that bad anyway). Whatever!

No, life isn't fair. But really, it's not unfair either. If we believe in God, we're given enough grace to work through whatever situation He's put us in. No, life is what it is. We're dealt what we're dealt. We need to accept what's in front of us. What does it do for us to not accept it... to complain? It tears us up inside is what it does! No, we need to accept it. Some things can be changed, but it often takes time, so in the meantime, we can accept where we are and start to take the steps to change it. Accepting where we are helps us to trust in God. We aren't truly trusting in God if we aren't accepting what He has given us. And if we don't trust Him, we can't surrender to Him; besides, if we are complaining (outwardly or in our heads) and wanting to get out of the situation we're currently in, we are not at all surrendering. And surrendering to Him and trusting in His great wisdom, power, and love for us is what helps to bring us peace and joy. And what allows His plan to take shape in our lives... the plan that is absolutely best for us and may even include that change we desire.

I thought I was surrendering all to Him... even as I was feeling cheated. But by wishing it was different, I was holding on too hard to let it go. Now I am saying, with my husband, "It is what it is," including about the recent miscarriage... and work... and the thyroid... and kids' behavior (which is also improving by the way). And I'm finding it easier to happily accept God's plan and to trust and surrender to Him.

So my husband was right... again! It's not fair! :)

Time for Christmas Cards...

2010-11-26T20:19:00.003-06:00

Thanksgiving is over, and Christmas is right around the corner. It's hard to believe Advent is starting in two days already! Andy and I are hoping to get our Christmas cards done and ready to go out earlier than usual this year (earlier than our usual anyway!) (47)

We bought matching sweaters for the boys (on huge sale!) - how much longer will they let us dress them in matching outfits, after all? Today we went out to try to find a Christmas tree to take a picture near. No one had theirs out except retail stores, where price tags were hanging off all the ornaments... a little tacky, perhaps. But we're hoping Church will have their Christmas trees up on Sunday, since it is Advent, so the boys can wear their special sweaters to church.

Next step, finding a place to have the cards made. I've been happy with Shutterfly's service, and they have many cards that say "Merry Christmas" rather than "Happy Holidays." And bloggers get 50 free Christmas cards if they blog about their cards... can't beat free! Especially when you're only working 20 hours and your husband's in school!

Their selection is amazing... almost overwhelming! If you can't find something you like here... Here are some links if you want to take a look:
Christmas photo cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards
Christmas cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards
thank you cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/thank-you-cards

I found some more religious and Christ-centered cards (click to see):
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

How can you get your 50 free cards? Just click! http://bit.ly/sfly2010

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Nov 25 message

2010-11-26T20:15:00.003-06:00

Message of Our Lady of Medjugorje: November 25, 2010

"Dear children! I look at you and I see in your heart death without hope, restlessness and hunger. There is no prayer or trust in God, that is why the Most High permits me to bring you hope and joy. Open yourselves. Open your hearts to God’s mercy and He will give you everything you need and will fill your hearts with peace, because He is peace and your hope. Thank you for having responded to my call."

A Great Quote for Catholic/Christian Wives

2010-11-23T18:08:00.003-06:00

"We are called to love our husbands with the love of the Father loving our husbands through us. Oh yes, our human love is important, but our human love does not have the power to heal; our human love does not have the power to convict; our human love does not have the power to convert. But God's love, flowing in us, through us, to our husbands, to our children, to every person that we meet, has the power to do all of that and so much more. That is what the sacrament of matrimony is all about. That is why God raised the sacrament to be precisely that... an outward sign instituted by Christ to... give us grace....
"Our matrimony is our vocation. And a vocation has two missions. A vocation has an interior mission, and a vocation has an exterior mission. The interior mission is about our sanctification... our marriage is the path to sanctity that the Lord has chosen for us and that that path is to be lived with another individual, and that we are to both serve each other by bringing each other to the fullness of life in Christ Jesus. And that every circumstance that we experience in our married life together can be used by God to perfect us, to help us to grow in the virtues, to help us to experience that abundant life in Jesus Christ, even in the painful moments.... God will take all of that and lead us to the fulfillment of the interior vocation and mission of our life together - the sanctification and perfection of the other for the sake of eternal life where there is no marriage. The greatest gift that we can give to our husband is to lead him into union with God by being a conduit of God's love for him in his life. The greatest thing that he can do for us is to do likewise. And then we will arrive safely at Heaven's gate... and the Lord will say, 'Well done, My faithful servant. Come into everlasting life.' And we can look at our husbands and say, 'Honey, this is my gift to you - life on high in Christ Jesus.'
"The exterior mission of our vocation to married life is this: to be a sign and a witness to the world of the love of God. A Catholic marriage is meant to be that light that is not hidden under a bushel basket. A Catholic marriage is meant to be that salt of the earth. A Catholic marriage is meant to be that leven in society that says to the rest of the world, "Look there is no reason for [a high] divorce rate because... we made a covenant before Almighty God that, come what may, we will be faithful to Him through our marriage vows, and our marriage testifies to the fact that GOd's grace is real and... is available to us and... binds us closer together in adversity than in those times of joy."

-Johnnette Benkovic, For Love and Marriage, a CD distributed by Lighthouse Catholic Media

Countdown to Graduation and Update

2010-11-21T09:07:00.003-06:00

6 months today until Andy graduates! Amazing! I started this countdown around 22-23 months, at least in my head; I didn't check if I had started posting at that point. 6 months does not seem like a long time really, in some senses, though lately it seems to be much too long still. But this time will pass. A few weeks ago, I was starting to realize there may be a few things I will miss about working and about other things that may change. Then my miscarriage happened, which once again pointed out some of the disadvantages of being a working mom. Realizing the stress, my boys started misbehaving again, and I longed even more to stay home to get them back to normal faster. And I grew more frustrated than I had been with having a boss who discourages me from talking with anyone at work about my thyroid, depression, hormonal issues, or miscarriages, for fear of upsetting the other staff. I don't need to talk about it a lot, or with everyone there, but I'm female. I need to talk. Especially when I'm having a bad day. No wonder I feel isolated from the other staff. I thought it was just that I was too busy to talk with them.

Well, I digress. I've just been much more depressed again lately; hopefully it's just situational and will pass soon. I know it also has to do with having been on progesterone and having been taken suddenly off of it, with my body also producing very little if any progesterone of its own. And of course, having had another miscarriage. I was able to handle that first one really pretty well, being more patient with the process and truly grateful for the gift of having a little one in Heaven surrounded by Jesus' love, praying for us. I am grateful this time also, but also... angry and much more saddened. The last one, I somehow "knew" days after I found out that I was pregnant that I would not be able to be with him/her long and relayed that feeling to my doctor when all looked as if it were going fine. This one I truly thought I would be able to keep. I felt more "settled" in my pregnancy. The miscarriage was a complete shock. It leaves me wondering when (or perhaps even if) we'll have a child to hold in our arms. One miscarriage can be chalked up to something wrong with the child, but it is more difficult to explain away two that way... is there something wrong with my body or with my hormonal system, beyond low progesterone. Also, it leaves me wondering if I'm doing something wrong... like taking too much progesterone (I'm not blaming myself or my doctors if this is the case - we all do what we think is right), especially after finding what looked like chicken skin during the last miscarriage (I don't think I saw it yet with this one) and with a couple of my periods while on prome.trium and reading about that online only in regards to bi.rth contr.ol pills. I brought up the question of the chicken skin once during my appointment, before my miscarriage, and my doctor had never heard of it. But these are the questions this raises in my mind. The shock of this miscarriage also has left me angry with God, something I have not felt in a long, long time, and feeling alienated from Him, having difficulty praying (another reason I have appreciated all the prayers said for me).

Sorry about the downer of a post. I really don't like posting updates like this, and I don't like being a complainer. On a good note, God is teaching me more about surrendering to His Will and letting go of things when they don't go my way (good thing after all I said on this post, right?), but I'm learning pretty slowly. But I'm learning. And that is an awesome lesson to learn!

Big News for Two Former Wisconsin Bishops

2010-11-20T15:40:00.003-06:00

Today, Archbishop Raymond Burke was formally named a cardinal, one of 24 new cardinals elevated today. He grew up in western Wisconsin and had a zeal for priesthood from an early age; he was in seminary in La Crosse Wisconsin and later became the diocese's bishop (1994?). In 2004, he was named Archbishop in St. Louis. Cardinal Burke has also been very involved in the Supreme Tribunal of the Apostolic Signatura, the Church's highest court of Canon Law (from my limited understanding). From 1989 to 1994, he served s the defender of the bond for the Apostolic Signatura, and from 2006 to 2008 (while still Archbishop in St. Louis), he served as a bishop-member of the Signatura then was named as its new prefect in 2008. He has also been a member of the Pontifical Council for Legislative Texts, the council which authentically interprets Canon Law and a member of the Congregation for the Clergy, which regulates the formation and training of seminarians and those being trained for the permanent diaconate, both since 2008. In 2009, he was appointed to the Congregation for Bishops, whose members discuss the appointment of new bishops to vacant seats and send their recommendations to the Holy Father. He was also appointed earlier this year to the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments and the Congregation for the Causes of Saints. In addition, he is the president of the Vatican's Commission for Advocates, which is the bar association for canon lawyers. Whew!! What a list! (info was taken by an article in The Catholic Times, from the Diocese of La Crosse)

And, most importantly, as my husband just pointed out to me, he was confirmed by Bishop Burke.

I really cannot believe how much Cardinal Burke has done in the past many years. It simply makes my head spin! God has truly blessed this man with intelligence, faith, and humility! I don't think it was a surprise to anyone that Pope Benedict XVI announced that Archbishop Burke would be among those named cardinal.

While I have never met this holy priest, I have been impressed by his cordial nature but willingness and ability to stand up for the Truths of the Catholic Church, without wavering. When I went to school in St. Louis, from which I graduated over a year before Bishop Burke became Archbishop, some friends of mine brought me to a church off campus. I do not remember its name nor care to remember. But even at that time, when I did not have the understanding of the Church that I do now, the Mass and homily made me feel very uncomfortable. It was one of those churches who preached social justice and inclusion. I believe they had some disagreements with the bishop even at that time. Very quickly after Archbishop Burke arrived in St. Louis, the priest at that church was warned and did not change, and the church was declared to be not in union with the Church. He has also taken a strong stand against Catholic pro-abortion politicians, stated for one that they are not allowed to share in the Eucharist. I'm sure some (liberals) say, to Bp Burke's elevation, "It figures; what else would you expect from the Catholic Church?" but I for one don't think the Pope could have made a better choice for one of the 24 new cardinals.

Not to downplay Archbishop Timothy Dolan's new appointment to USCCB president. The article I have from The Catholic Times does not say as much about his prior or current duties within the Church, but I do believe he was Archbishop of Milwaukee until just recently, when he was named Archbishop of New York. He has also been chairman of the Catholic Relief Services board of directors, a position he will need to step down from, but I do believe he will remain Archbishop in New York. I also have a lot of respect and gratitude for the USCCB's work in our country; in a culture of death, the USCCB brings clarity and truth.

May God bless and lead these two holy men in the posts He has newly called them to! Please say a prayer for both of them.

Marian Mondays

2010-11-15T20:58:00.003-06:00

Since I posted my first Marian Mondays post, perhaps a month ago, I have been trying to figure out what direction to take those posts in, as I would like to continue them. But there is so much information on the internet about Mary's apparitions, and I have not yet found it to be very well organized or easy to find really good, basic information (if you have a site you particularly like, please do let me know, even for my own reading, or for posting).

I had started reading St. Louis de Montfort's The Secret of the Rosary fairly recently and picked it up again tonight. Perhaps, until I am done reading this little book, I will pull a few quotes from it every so often to post.

One I found to be interesting is from the "Seventh Rose" (or "chapter" 7). St. Louis de Montfort says this:

"The chronicles of Saint Francis tell of a young friar who had the praiseworthy habit of saying the Crown of Our Lady (the Rosary) every day before dinner. One day for some reason or other he did not manage to say it. The refectory bell had already been rung when he asked the Superior to allow him to say it before coming to the table, and having obtained the permission he withdrew to his cell to pray.
"After he had been gone a long time the Superior sent another Friar to fetch him, and he found him in his room bathed in a heavenly light facing Our Lady who had two angels with her. Beautiful roses kept issuing from his mouth at each Hail Mary; the angels took them one by one, placing them on Our Lady's head, and she smilingly accepted them.
"Finally two other friars who had been sent to find out what had happened to the first two saw the same lovely scene, and Our Lady did not go away until the whole Rosary had been said.
"So the complete Rosary [of 15 decades] is a large crown of roses and the Rosary of five decades is little wreath of flowers or a small crown of heavenly roses which we place on the heads of Jesus and Mary. The rose is the queen of flowers, and so the Rosary is the rose of all devotions and it is therefore the most important one."

What a beautiful thought - placing a rose on Mary's head with each Hail Mary said and completing the crown for our Holy Mother with each Rosary. What a wonderful way to honor the Mother of Our Lord and Our Mother.

St. Louis goes on to say, in the "Eighth Rose,"
"It would hardly be possible for me to put into words how much Our Lady thinks of the Holy Rosary and of how she vastly prefers it to all other devotions. neither can I sufficiently express how highly she rewards those who work to preach the devotion, to establish it and spread it, nor on the other hand how firmly she punishes those who work against it."

The Rosary is a beautiful prayer, full of the richness of our faith and full of petition to Our Lady. Truly blessed is She who Our God has chosen to be the Mother of His Son! Blessed is She who God saved from committing sin in order to be the perfect vessel to bring Jesus to us. Blessed is She who is still with us, given to us as our Mother, helping us and praying for us. And truly blessed is the Fruit of Her womb, our Savior, Our Lord. She who is blessed and touched by the hand of God will bless us who have devotion to her.

St. Louis de Montfort describes one type of "confraternity" to the Holy Rosary which is doable, especially if you can break it down into pieces (he does not say whether this is allowed or not): "Ordinary membership which entails saying the complete Rosary [fifteen decades] once a week." There are many places in which it is suggested we pray the entire Rosary once a day, but I do believe Our Lady understands for some of us this is not possible. My husband and I pray one Rosary (5 decades) a day, and that is often a struggle for me but has been very worthwhile, and I feel it's the least I can do to honor Mary and, through her, her Son. But this "ordinary membership" is a wonderful place to start or to devote yourself to over the long term - or one Rosary a week is also a great beginning!

Thank you, again!

2010-11-15T08:41:00.003-06:00

Thank you for your continuous support and prayers and your kind and encouraging words! You have helped to lift my heart during this time.

I'm doing better today than I have since I heard about my low hCG numbers last Wed. Gosh, does is seem like it's been a long time since then, but it's really been only 5 days! What a week! I am saddened, of course, that I will not be able to hold my own little one in my arms in July but hopeful I someday will be able to hold another little one. But I am also relieved to know the answer. And I am relieved that my decreasing hCG levels indicate a miscarriage, rather than an ectopic pregnancy - which would be likely if my numbers were continuing to slowly climb as they had been.

There is something about being in limbo, not knowing the answer, that bothers me and really irritates me and causes great impatience. Does anyone else find that they feel similarly? It is a real cross for me and but one that I need to work through and, with God's grace, to learn to maintain patience and level-headedness when I cannot see the answers. Could it also be a trust issue, I ask myself; I'm not sure. Perhaps an issue of control? That's more likely. Or perhaps it's just natural. Oh, but whatever it was, did it make the last 5 days even more difficult than they otherwise would have been! Now that I am able to know the answer and able to begin to accept it and allow the miscarriage to happen, this is something I will be working on. Trying times often have a way of bringing things to light - I suppose another thing to be thankful for.

I am also amazed how many people suffer with infertility issues. Having looked at a few other Catholic's blogs, I am humbled. Many have lived with infertility for years! What a cross! And having read success stories on many of theirs, I feel more hopeful, and also feel my own heart praising God for the beautiful gift He has given many of them in healthy pregnancies and healthy children. Most seem to have worked with doctors who practice NaPro and use the Creighton method of fertility care; what a gift we have in that!

Lord, please hold my little ones in Your loving arms, since I am unable to. Let them bask in the light of Your love. And may Andy and I, and our living and future children, also one day be able to meet these children face to face.

Update

2010-11-14T20:33:00.002-06:00

Well, it seems I have my answer. My hCG, which should double every 24 hours, has dropped from 196 on Thursday to 192 today. A miscarriage is pending. My doctor told me I can stop taking prometrium/progesterone. And the miscarriage will likely happen within the week (though last time it seemed to take longer than that). She also told me we'd be looking into other reasons I may be infertile, and perhaps then other treatments such as shots of hCG on months we're trying to conceive. We'll also retest my basic progesterone/hormonal levels again in either December or January.

We are blessed, though, in that we have two beautiful children here with us and now two beautiful children in Heaven. I also blessed in that I am in good hands in the doctor I am seeing. She is a wonderful Catholic woman and mother and works with infertility using the Creighton method and NaPro technology. She and her partner at the clinic are so very good at what they do and so very caring. If anyone you know has any problems with infertility, please refer them to someone who works with the Creighton method and NaPro. It is awesome and really pretty effective, and it completely is in line with the Catholic Church... in fact, one of the centers who does research into treatments is the Pope Paul VI Institute (did I get that right?). I'm sure there is a listing of providers online. If you can't find one, ask me, and I'll look. So I am in the right hands for learning what I need to do in order to carry a baby to term again.

Again, thank you for your prayers. They have been greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

2010-11-13T15:08:00.000-06:00

I feel very "hugged" by prayers today. Thank you for all who are praying for me and my family during this time!

I don't know any more than I did yesterday, but, besides the prayers, I am also feeling better because I am allowing myself to hope that this child may still be alive. If I don't hope, staying on the progesterone and continuing all the lab tests feels to be for naught and does nothing except prolong the "inevitable," and that is very frustrating.

Again? Really??

2010-11-12T20:59:00.001-06:00

Well, I'll start with the good news. God is answering my prayers: He is helping me to become more patient and trusting and giving Andy a chance to practice being sensitive to my needs and communicate about his feelings.

Just not the way I was hoping He would do it.

Nine days ago, I found out I was pregnant... need I say more??

But I will anyway. Excited, I called my doctor. She ordered two hCG tests, 48 + hours apart, to be done quickly because of my recent history of miscarriage (Feb 2010) and because I'm on progesterone to help with pregnancies and cyclical hormonal levels. Didn't hear anything, so figured they were normal (really didn't even think about it), then heard the levels were too low (86 and 92) and didn't quadruple as they should have. So another was ordered, which I did yesterday. It was somewhere between 160 and 200 (a week after the first lab, so it should have doubled seven times, or been about 260 times the first number)... can't remember the exact lab value as I had too many things going on through my head when the nurse told me. But it still went up, so the doctor doesn't want to let me go off the progesterone yet and ordered another lab... which I will likely not know the results of until Monday. As long as I'm on the progesterone, my body will not miscarry, and as long as the doctor thinks there is any hope of this child being alive, I will remain on the progesterone, leaving me in limbo (do I mourn, or do I hold onto hope?). This is so similar to what happened last time, except earlier (5 weeks instead of 8). I am certain I will have a miscarriage. The near constant central abdominal cramping (albeit 1-2 on a scale of 0-10) does not help my optimism, nor does the dropping progesterone levels, also per lab tests. But we must be sure first... and it's the not knowing that's the toughest.

As I said, God's teaching me patience and trust. And today I failed. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll take my lesson a little more seriously.

It doesn't seem like a miscarriage should be so tough, especially this early in the pregnancy... the first one didn't seem so bad, but this second one just seems so much harder to take.

And hopefully God sees fit to give us another child someday... maybe soon?? I think that's the hardest part (besides the not knowing... actually, it's a toss up). Will I be able to have another? Will God allow that, or does He only want us to have two? Faith tells me yes, we will have more, but it's easy to doubt or wonder if there's something in my body that will not let me carry any more children.

Does That Mean You Appreciate Discipline?

2010-11-10T16:01:00.000-06:00

A conversation in the car today, after picking Blaise up from kindergarten:

Me: It's such a nice day out, let's all play outside before it gets dark.
Isaac: Ok.
Blaise: But I want to go inside. And I want you to inside with me, Mommy.
Isaac: Mommy, will you play baseball with me?
Blaise: But I want you inside, in case I do anything wrong.
Me: Silent and dumbfounded.

(In the end, both boys decided to go inside and watch a 30 min movie. I got to sit in the front stoop for 20 min to catch the last little bit of sunlight before the movie was over.)

Hockey

2010-11-10T08:49:00.000-06:00

The boys recently started a learn to skate program in preparation for playing hockey at the local ice arena. Here they are in their pads the afternoon before the first lesson.

Ready to go on the ice. Both boys are pumped!

Blaise did a great job! He just keeps getting better!

Isaac, on the other hand, was afraid of the ice and sat in the chair pouting the whole time. The coaches were great with him, though, pushing him around in the chair and also on his bottom on the ice (trying to help him get over his fear of ice). This last weekend, he and I did a little experiment. We put water into a tupperware container and put it in the freezer. Isaac was excited when he discovered that it turned into ice! Ice is only cold water! Nothing to be afraid of. So this last week, he was a puppy, tongue hanging out, moving around the ice on his hands and knees. Well, it's progress, anyway. Hopefully next week we can get his skates on the ice!

Wordless Wednesday: Blaise and 2 Month Old Cousin Brooke

2010-11-10T08:33:00.000-06:00

Glory Stories Are Back!

2010-11-09T21:57:00.000-06:00

Glory Stories are back, at Holy Heroes. I'm not the best for explaining what they are for those who don't know, as I just found out about them myself... but apparently they're an awesome way to teach kids about the saints. A friend of mine was SOOOO excited when I told her about these, because her kids (6, 4, 2, and baby) LOVE the one CD that they have and have been asking for some time for more. Katie, please explain this better if I do a poor job. The CDs teach about saints in story form, with conversation and hold the kids' attention. The CDs available now include St Juan Diego, Mother Theresa, St. Faustina, St. Martin de Porres, St. Cecilia, St. Rose of Lima, St. Maximilian Kolbe, and others.

Alright, now for my story, how I found these... or more truthfully, how I was led to them.

Blaise and Isaac have been interested in super heroes... Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc (boys... sigh). I, of course, am not thrilled with this interest, and wonder where they learned of super heroes (sigh...). So I was trying to explain, about a month ago, that "super heroes" are not the real heroes. Saints are. Saints did amazing things, out of love for Jesus, and they are the ones we should look up to. "What amazing things, Mom?" What can I say that will compare to flying through the air or swinging from strings from building to building, especially at the spur of the moment? I tried to explain the stigmata, but the didn't get it. So, I said, I'll find a book or movie or something that will show you why saints are the real heroes. I forgot my promise for two weeks, until All Saints Day, and suddenly remembered it when praying in church, so I sent up a quick prayer that the Holy Spirit lead me to something that will help me to teach my children about the saints. That afternoon, I received an email from another friend, who had somewhat "randomly" chosen to let me know about these CDs... and immediately bought three of them, justifying the cost by telling my husband, and myself, that they would be Christmas gifts... but the real justification is that these, I do believe, are an answer to my prayer. Oh, but will I need to wait until Christmas to give these to the boys? (I think I know the answer already!)

God, You're Doing Great Work in Blaise's Heart!

2010-11-08T09:23:00.001-06:00

Just over a week ago, Blaise decided he wanted to pack up some toys to give away because he and Isaac have too many toys. OK!!! So we took out a paper bad and did a good job filling it with toys to give away. He was really pretty generous with what he wanted to give away: he even wanted to give away one or two pieces of his foam hopscotch set - I had to talk him out of that one! (What would someone do with one piece from a hopscotch set??) I gave him the option of bringing the bag to St. Vincent de Paul to donate or selling the toys at our local resale shop for babies and young kids. He wanted to sell them. Ok. I would have preferred he say give it away at that point, but I figured we'll sell it and perhaps use the money for one toy rather than having a bag full of toys we don't need.

So we brought the toys to the local resale shop a week ago, after school. On the way, I asked Blaise what he wanted to do with the money. Should we look around that store or another store for something he wants? No, he said, I want to put the money in my pocket. Ok. I've got a saver on my hands. I can appreciate that, being a saver myself. What are you going to do with the money in your pocket? I asked, expecting him to say he would save it.

The next comment blew me away. I'm going to give it to someone who doesn't have money, he said. Really?! Oh, Blaise! Praise You, God!

So we got $14 from the toys Blaise sold. We put that in an envelope, and I told Blaise to keep his ears open for someone asking for money, saying that would most likely come in the form of someone who helps those who have little rather than someone who has little coming to him themselves. A missionary priest came to our church yesterday. He works in Papua New Guinea, with people who are affected by all sorts of natural disasters - volcanoes, earthquakes, and a tsunami - and have needed to move out of their homes and/or whose crops have been destroyed and live on less than $1 a day when they have any money at all. They are surrounded by corrupt people and a corrupt government, who benefit from a huge goldmine nearby and have brought in drugs, alcohol, prostitution, HIV, and all kinds of effects of sinful, selfish living. Blaise decided to give his money to these people. We were given a couple envelopes in which to put donations and bring back next week. We gave one to Blaise so that he can put his $14 inside and put it in the basket at Mass on Sunday.

Oh, Lord, please take this money from my son - from Your son - and multiply it! As little as $14 is, it comes from a big heart!

Thyroid Update

2010-11-08T09:01:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've written an update on my thyroid "adventure."

Since I last posted, just over a month ago, Andy and I have been doing MUCH better. He has dramatically increased sympathy for my "condition," I believe partially because he understands better how my thyroid condition affects my mood and also because I've been acting better. I do think being on Armour Thyroid has helped my mood and my ability to remain patient and loving with Andy and the kids. I've been a lot easier to "deal with." As I see it, God made our thyroid glands to produce T1 and T2 as well as T3 and T4. No one knows what T1 and T2 do, but they must do something!! Especially with how much better I feel overall and how much clearer my thinking has been (I didn't think I would ever have a day without horrible brain fog again - praise the Lord, it has happened, and the brain fog is minimal or none, always, now!).

Now, that being said, my wonderful doctor and I are still trying to adjust the dosage. Two weeks ago, I suddenly started having a difficult time sleeping. That first night, I was awake from 2:30 on and had been awake at least 2 hours every night for 11-12 nights straight. It's slowly getting better, though I was awake perhaps 1 1/2 hours again last night. I have been having both hyperthyroid symptoms (unable to sleep, anxiety, heart rate 80 bpm), and hypothyroid symptoms (very tired - perhaps partially due to lack of sleep), but still not as bad as I had been before starting the Armour. My doctor ran my tests early and found that my TSH was somewhat high (high indicates not enough thyroid hormone), T4 too low, and T3 borderline high. Because Armour has too much T3, we chose to drop my Armour back from 90 mg to 60 mg and add back Levoxyl (T4 only). I am slowly improving again and am hopeful this regiment will work, as long as my reverse T3 is not too high (see a previous post: God, please give me my thyroid back, if you want to know more about that). That lab should come back late this week or early the next.

One more thing I want to say in case there is anyone reading this who is struggling with their thyroid or with starting on Armour: Do not blindly follow some of the protocols online or force your doctor to follow them, unless somehow appropriate for you. One of the main ones is that found on Stop the Thyroid Madness's site. I was on 1 1/2 grains (90mg), which we found to be too much for me because of the high T3 in Armour. Most of the people on that site are up to 3-5 grains (180-300mg)! I cannot imagine being on that high dose! And I have NO thyroid. The only time I can think of when high doses like that may be appropriate are in the case of cancer, when you're trying to suppress the thyroid. I asked my doctor about it, and she said doses like that are not safe in that they cause atrial fibrillation, a dangerous heart condition, and other problems, including running the adrenal glands ragged and burning them out. She had one patient who insisted she put her on doses like that, and my MD had that patient sign a waver saying she was not responsible for the outcomes; the patient asked that her thyroid level be lowered soon after that due to heart palpitations and other complaints. I am so glad I do not have a doctor who follows that protocol!

So all is looking up, and I am feeling better overall and looking forward to feeling even better in the future!

Happy Birthday, Little Guy

2010-11-07T08:42:00.002-06:00

Isaac turned 4 yesterday. Happy Birthday to our sweet boy. Unfortunately, he was sick yesterday, on his birthday. He was running a temp all day and was tired and was laying down on the couch or in bed a good portion of the day. We were unable to go bowling as we had wanted to. He went to bed with a 103 degree temp and ibuprofen and luckily woke up this morning doing much better. Luckily, my parents came to celebrate the night before and Andy's parents and Isaac's godparents are coming today, so he's getting plenty of celebration.

Happy Birthday, Isaac!

A Reflection

2010-11-06T17:22:00.002-05:00

I was drawn to read Luke's passage about the Transfiguration - Luke 9:28-36 - and a reflection on the reading from a book I have mentioned before - The Better Part, by John Bartunek, LC.

It is not often that we have the opportunity to witness a true miracle - Christ acting in all His power - and especially not with such pizazz as was the Transfiguration. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Christ would reveal Himself to us is such splendor? Wouldn't it make faith so much easier? Yet, look at Peter's reaction to the Transfiguration: he had no idea what to say! He was overwhelmed and really not at peace. No, God has a better idea.

Instead of coming to us in all His splendor, He chooses to come to us quietly. He comes to us most often in times of quiet prayer, in solitude, even over a sink full of dishes. One of my favorite places, though, is in a quiet church in front of Christ in the tabernacle. Though a quite stream is quite nice too. To find time in a church or in nature for quiet prayer like that is quite a privilege for a mother. But spending time in quiet prayer is a necessity, even over that kitchen sink, or in the wee hours of the morning or after the kids go to bed. That is where we get to know Christ, our source of strength and perseverance in motherhood. I encourage you, find what works for you. If you can steal away for 30 min on a Saturday when the church is open before Saturday evening Mass, do it!

Though God will likely not reveal His Son to us in a cloud and with a loud voice, He reveals His Son to us in other ways, usually when we go off, away from the hustle and bustle of our lives, to spend time with Him in prayer. Jesus went off with three of His disciples to pray on a mountain, which is where the Transfiguration took place; it did not take place in the middle of Jerusalem. And the power with which God can act, even when silently, when we are alone with Him, is dumbfounding. The utter peace and joy He is able to fill our entire being with is incredible and is something we are not capable of doing for ourselves, or opening our hearts satisfactorily to when we are running around doing everything we do.

Now, making our lives a prayer, bringing Christ to every aspect of our day, is an incredibly important task, though a very difficult one in my experience. But I will suggest it is made more difficult or perhaps impossible without time taken in quiet prayer, separated, at least mentally, from that very life we desire to bring Christ into. It is also made impossible without the grace of God, a grace we need to ask for in earnest prayer. Even so, the trials we face and busy-ness of life, and our human condition, dictate that sometimes we feel close to Christ and sometimes we don't; sometimes everything seems to be going our way, and sometimes it doesn't. Yet, when we do spend times in silent prayer, God gives us the graces to get through those more difficult times, as well as times of incredible peace and joy that we can look back on, feeling reassured the He is indeed with us and is a powerful force acting in our lives, whether we feel Him there or not. When we have had time with Him in prayer, truly getting to know Him better, we can better bring Him into every corner of our lives, and grow further in faith and in love.

What do you do to bring Christ into your life? How do you find time for prayer?

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Nov 2 message

2010-11-03T13:27:00.001-05:00

November 2, 2010 Message to Mirjana

"Dear children; With motherly perseverance and love I am bringing you the light of life to destroy the darkness of death in you. Do not reject me, my children. Stop and look within yourselves and see how sinful you are. Be aware of your sins and pray for forgiveness. My children, you do not desire to accept that you are weak and little, but you can be strong and great by doing God's will. Give me your cleansed hearts that I may illuminate them with the light of life, my Son. Thank you."

Update on a Good Catholic Book

2010-11-03T13:14:00.004-05:00

I am now 3/4 of the way through Carmen Marcoux's second book, Surrender. I must say that as much as I loved her first book, Arms of Love, I am enjoying the second even more. The one issue I had with the first, I am finding not to be the case with the second: the characters in the first were just too good at everything. In the second, the characters are much more believable and more enjoyable; you begin to see their flaws, but, because it is a wonderful Catholic book, you see their flaws in the light of Christ's love and mercy. And it still has that quality of making one want to be a better Catholic; of making one strive for a deeper faith. The book follows Joanie, the oldest daughter of 8 children, and her marriage to Brandon and pregnancy, and also the discernment process, which is turning out to be quite enjoyable, of the next two daughters, Maggie and Amie. I also enjoy the parents, John and Judy, as they are great examples for us parents (I wish I could learn more about them - perhaps another book, Carmen?) and the grandparents, who are quite fun and spunky (hmmm... that could be a book too).

And again, this book is full of wonderful Catholic teachings, including of Theology of the Body and also from the Bible. It truly demonstrates the absolute beauty of what it means to be Catholic.

All Saints Day

2010-11-01T09:56:00.005-05:00

Please pray for us, all you angels and saints, that we and our families may grow in holiness and love our God as you did in your lives, and that we may see Him and know Him in fullness in the next. Please pray for our world, that true peace and love may enter all hearts, and that all may give our Father glory. Thank you for your beautiful examples of faith and of acting out your faith, of persevering in times of difficulty and often persecution. I give thanks to our Lord for blessing you and keeping you close to His heart. May He also do the same for us, and may we follow your shining example as we live the lives God has set before us and try to bring our families and others to Him. Please help us and pray for us.

Please pray for us, all you angels and saints, that we and our families may grow in holiness and love our God as you did in your lives, and that we may see Him and know Him in fullness in the next. Please pray for our world, that true peace and love may enter all hearts, and that all may give our Father glory. Thank you for your beautiful examples of faith and of acting out your faith, of persevering in times of difficulty and often persecution. I give thanks to our Lord for blessing you and keeping you close to His heart. May He also do the same for us, and may we follow your shining example as we live the lives God has set before us and try to bring our families and others to Him. Please help us and pray for us.

Why I'm Grateful to Be Working as a Physical Therapist

2010-10-31T11:55:00.004-05:00

I mention quite often how anxious I am to stay home and how much I dislike working. I've been trying to find reasons God may be wanting me to work despite it being on my heart to be home with the boys - and to hopefully have more children. And so I would like to share my new appreciation for my working with you, in the form of a list.

1. My working right now, even part time, is preparing my heart to truly appreciate being home. My desire to be home grows stronger as time continues to march on, and as I continue to work outside the home. I do realize being home with children is not easy, and when I am home full time, I know I will realize more fully just how difficult it can be. Yet, looking back at my working days, remembering just how I longed to be home and to give myself to my children, I will be more grateful and appreciative of the gift of being home - hopefully even on the difficult days.

A wonderful priest I recently talked with told me it's like a high school or college-aged person working in a factory; it's good for everyone to have a job like that, or a job that they dislike or that does not fulfill them, so that they better appreciate future work. I remember a friend of mine from high school worked nights in a paper mill her freshman year of college. While she enjoyed the job to some extent, she did not want to work there the rest of her life. At some point, she took a single napkin from the machine she had worked at constantly and tacked it to the board above her desk where she would study to keep her motivated to study and to remind herself of the mundane and tiring yet physically demanding job she had held, so that she would better appreciate the next steps in her life.

Maybe seven months from now I'll have to keep a goniometer (a took for measuring joint angles) above my mirror so that I can look at it each morning and remember what a blessing it is I get to stay home.

2. I have had the opportunity to meet so many beautiful people that I would not have otherwise met. My life has touched their lives, and their lives have touched mine. There are some patients I truly look forward to seeing, and I am sad when they "graduate" from physical therapy. And the feeling often seems to be mutual. Many of those patients (at least the female ones) will say they hope to see me again (in the grocery store, not PT, of course) and give me a big hug when they leave for the last time. These are people I feel truly blessed to have known.

3. For the reason above, I have also been able to be a witness for God to some people. My life touches others' lives. I wear a 5-way cross and a scapular everyday (and I know the straps are somewhat visible often), as well as a simple ring with a cross on it. It is surprising how often people comment on either my necklace or ring. Sometimes it's the start of some pretty cool conversations; other times, I am simply being a witness to God by being kind and caring while wearing His sign around my neck. Either way, I hope I am bringing people closer to Him, even as I am struggling to grow closer to Him myself.

4. I am also very blessed that I can support my family while Andy is in school, working only 20 hours a week. If it wasn't for being able to do that, Andy would likely not have been able to go back to school, and my staying home would be less likely (or I'd have to work 40 hours a week while Andy's in school, which would be even more difficult for me with my being so involved with raising a family and with my thyroid and adrenal issues and my depression and anxiety). We do have help from my parents with Andy's school, and Andy's school loans, work study (tutoring now 2 hours per week), scholarships, and grants, and his income from reffing hockey games - but by far our family is primarily supported by my income and would be lost without it.

5. The fifth reason I am grateful for being a physical therapist is one of the very reasons I so very much dislike it (go figure). I am such an introvert and so very much need time for myself, and am challenged by relationships with others; constant discussions with people and needing to answer one question after another, or carry on conversations, wears me out. I cannot constantly be on my toes, so to speak, without getting worn down. Yet, being a physical therapist has improved my ability to do just that (which I know will be a blessing when I am at home), and has greatly improved my social skills and my confidence in myself. I was such a shy girl in grade school and high school, and - though less so - in college. As a PT, I have had to initiate conversations, be the expert and demonstrate confidence (as my supervisor constantly told me on my first PT job, "When you don't have confidence, you need to fake it - the patients need to see that confidence from you; soon, you'll develop more confidence and won't need to fake it so much"), and learn how to relate to others. I truly have grown greatly in this aspect, and when I look at how I handle myself around other people now compared to when I was in high school and even college, I am amazed at how I have grown.

6. I am learning my limits. I used to be one who would just say, "Sure I can do this. No, don't worry I'll be fine. I'll just keep plugging away, no matter how tired I get, and I'll end up being find, eventually." Well, I am learning that is not necessarily the case. After years of not really, truly being "fine," I am learning to tell people "No, sorry, I can't come down for Grandpa's birthday" or "I'm just too tired to do that; my family and I need to stay home this weekend" or "Sorry, sweetheart, Mommy needs to sit down. We can either read a book together, or you can play in the basement."

7. And a lesson I am in the process of learning: be grateful no matter what the circumstances (THIS is currently a huge challenge for me). Between my health issues and my fatigue after working, and my desire to be home for the boys and to grow our family, I often have a very poor attitude. If I cannot give thanks for the many blessings God has given me now, will I suddenly be able to do it when I am home (and hopefully healthier)? If I cannot be joyful (at least as joyful as my depression and fatigue allow me to be) now, will I be joyful when I have kids pulling me in every direction? Yet, if I can learn to be grateful for what He has given me now, how much more I will grow in gratitude when He has given me the desire of my heart! Yet, I fear if I cannot be appreciative now, I will be disappointed when I am home and will still be looking for another thing that needs to change so that I can be happy. I have a great opportunity now to learn this gift of gratitude, and a great opportunity in seven months to continue to grow in gratitude.

Looking for Good, Solid Catholic Fiction??

2010-10-31T11:18:00.004-05:00

Are you looking for some good Catholic fiction which celebrates and proclaims the beauty of the Catholic Church? Which teaches and applies the teaching of JPII in his Theology of the Body? Perhaps a book for that preteen to college age girl or the girl who is discerning marriage, or religious life? Or the mother who hopes to better live out her vocation? I ran into a couple wonderful fiction books that do just that and am in the middle of the second one. They are by a Catholic mom of... 8? who lives in Canada. She has a beautiful ministry of teaching courtship over dating, discerning marriage in a respectful, chaste relationship, respecting God's plan for each person.

The books, thus far, are primarily about the discernment of the three eldest daughters of a family with eight children. The first is actually about the very eldest daughter, and the second, longer book, follows her as well as the discernment of the second and third daughters. It is FILLED with solid Catholic teachings and references to Theology of the Body and to the Bible. A wonderful teaching tool! And enjoyable.

My only criticism is that the characters are "too good." Everything - from music to golf to faith - comes too easily to them, and while the struggle of remaining faithful to the teaching of the Church and the temptation toward sin is addressed, it appears too easy, even for the characters who had previously lived sinful, "hedonistic" lifestyles. Their conversions - over and over - come very easily. Also, the characters are all physically beautiful. There is plenty of mention that their beauty is greater because of the joy that comes with their faith, but they, especially the teens and 20-somethings, also generally seem to be more physically attractive than the average person, something that could be difficult for a girl who reads this book who is sensitive to her appearances, which is the case all too often today.

But the books, through presenting the characters in this way, are very effective at showing the deep joy that comes with truly following the Will of God and with true, deep faith in Him. All the characters are beautiful because of their beautiful, unwavering faith, as are all people who any of us will ever come across in our lives who have that faith. The joy and the beauty these characters demonstrate is truly something to strive for, in that way, while realizing it is only through grace that we can have that type of beauty and realizing that kind of beauty is rare and requires unwavering faith and prayer, as well as God's grace and pure gift.

The only place I know you can order the books in through Carmen's website: www.courtshipnow.com. Unfortunately, their website is currently being redone. They list their number on the website if you would like the books sooner rather than later. She also has several other resources and also talks and a pamphlet on courtship, which I believe are free downloads; I'm sure those will be back once their website is completed. I bought the books together, which saved few dollars too; that may be available if you call. Please ask if you have more specific questions about the books.

I feel like I am trying to throw a sales pitch - I am not, except that I do truly believe these books are able to change lives, especially of preteen to college ago girls (or guys who are open to reading this type of fiction).

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Oct 25 message

2010-10-25T20:46:00.003-05:00

Our Lady's message to the world, given through Mirija, October 25, 2010

“Dear children! May this time be a time of prayer for you. My call, little children, desires to be for you a call to decide to follow the way of conversion; therefore, pray and seek the intercession of all the saints. May they be for you an example, an incentive and a joy towards eternal life. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

Countdown to Graduation: 7 months

2010-10-22T17:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday marks 7 months until Andy's graduation date! Am I allowed to say it's only 30 weeks? Or is that just showing a little too much how anxious I am to be home with the boys?

In Gratitude: The Four Loves of My Life

2010-10-20T09:30:00.002-05:00

To God, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and to Mary, my Heavenly Mother: My heart, my life, and my soul - my very being - are Yours. Thank You for giving me a Safe Haven in Your arms as I give myself and my life to You. Thank You for giving me the graces to get through this period of my life. Thank You for sending me help when I need it and for periodically filling my soul with joy. Thank You for Your healing touches. Thank You also for the trials I undergo that show me again the necessity of clinging to You. Thank You for all the gifts You have given me, especially in the form of my family and in the promise of Redemption. Mary, thank you for all your petitions to your Son on my behalf. Thank you for being my special, loving Mother.

To Andy, my dear spouse: Thank you for all you do, for the hard work you are putting into your studies so that you can be a wonderful provider for our family in seven short months. Thank you for taking seriously my desire to stay home with the children and being willing to rethink your beliefs that women should also work, and for truly being completely on board now. Thank you for being the spiritual head of our household and for directing me to wear a scapular and pray the rosary - under your direction, our faith has grown together. Thank you for striving to be more understanding and sensitive to my emotional states, even when your mind is on your schoolwork. Thank you for being such a wonderful father to the boys and for keeping us on track with simple and quick discipline. And thank you for all you do around the house and for allowing me to therefore be able to take the housework in stride. Thank you for sharing your life and yourself with me.

To Blaise: Thank you for being the dear son you are. Thank you for your striving to decrease your whining. Thank you for the big, big hugs, with arms and legs wrapped tightly around me. Thank you for kisses and crosses traced on my forehead. Thank you for your enthusiasm with your new discoveries. Thank you for taking out the trash, and wiping off the table for us, and other little things you joyfully do around the home. Thank you for your curiosity into learning about the "Hail Mary" prayer and the Rosary.

To Isaac: Thank you also for being such a dear son. Thank you for bringing a bit of non-seriousness to our household and for your laughter. Thank you for funny faces and goofy voices. Thank you for your loving presence. Thank you for striving to accept that Mommy must work and you must go to the babysitter's. Thank you for the many games of football, baseball, and hockey. Thank you for reminding me to pray on the way to the babysitter's, that you have a good day, and that Jesus, Mary, and the saints and angels watch over you.

Wordless Wednesday: Little Drummer Boy

2010-10-13T15:35:00.001-05:00

Colorful Leaves: A Project

2010-10-13T09:07:00.007-05:00

The boys have both been learning about colors at school: Blaise how to spell their names and Isaac which color is which (he's almost got them down - usually - just mixes up yellow and red). So with the beautiful leaves outside, I thought a project was in order. Isaac and I gathered leaves after we came home from preschool (I wish I had thought to bring my camera), and we got to work after Blaise came home. Apparently my iron does not get hot enough to put leaves between waxed paper, so this is what we did:

These are the leaves Isaac and I gathered.

Blaise working on his.

And Isaac on his. Notice we forgot to take off his helmet before coming inside, in our "excitement."

The boys showing off their finished projects. Great job boys!!

Marian Mondays: Our Lady of All Nations

2010-10-11T20:48:00.002-05:00

I am surprised I have only recently heard of Our Lady of All Nations. Mary appeared from 1945 until 1959 in Amsterdam to a single 40-year-old woman named Ida Peerdeman. She appeared to Ida 56 times during those years, giving her messages about the state of the world and events in the then-near future, from 1945 until 1950. The events have occurred. In 1951, she began to give Ida messages for which the apparitions are known. She asked that she no longer be called simply "Mary of Nazareth" but that she becomes known as Mother of all nations. She also asked that a fifth Marian dogma be proclaimed, after which Our Lady of All Nations will give peace, true peace, to the world. This dogma states that Mary is Coredemtrix, Mediatrix, and Advocate.

It appears the Vatican has approved this apparition (apparently after a controversy with the wording of the prayer to Our Lady of All Nations), and perhaps 6 million people have signed petitions that the fifth Marian dogma be proclaimed. There is also controversy regarding the dogma - in particular what it means to be Coredemtrix. Isn't Redemtrix a title reserved for only Christ Himself, some say. But, say others, by offering up our crosses to unite with Christ's sufferings, we are also coredemptrix; so, of course, Mary is a very strong coredemtrix.

What do you know about this apparition?

Marian Mondays: Have No Fear

2010-10-11T14:32:00.004-05:00

I'm interested in learning more about Mary and her visits with us and hope to share that with all who are interested and who find me here. A couple weeks ago, I heard Dr. Mark Miravalle speaking on Relevant Radio about Our Lady of All Nations who appeared in Amsterdam, I believe in the 1950's. I have been intrigued with the appearances of Mary under this title as well as under other titles and want to learn more about her. When looking at Dr. Miravalle's site for more information, I found this:

"Anne, a visionary from Ireland, has received permission from her local ordinary, Bishop Leo O'Reilly, for the distribution of messages which she receives from Jesus, God the Father, Our Blessed Mother, the angels and saints (see article, "Discernment of Lay Apostolate of Jesus Christ the Returning King," Marian Private Revelation section). The following messages from Our Blessed Mother are directed to bishops, priests and religious throughout the world. – Ed.

"August 8, 2003

"The Blessed Mother [says:]

"'I want to give you a glimpse of your future. I hope to prepare you so that when the time for change comes, you will move smoothly into the new order. My children are aware that the world is changing. Worldly souls think that they are orchestrating these changes, but in reality, God is in charge. He is taking their evil intentions and using them to implement His own order. Holy souls need have no fear. The plans of the evil one will go nowhere. Be confident and fearless in the face of information that would cause you alarm. You must remember that God is in charge because God has always been in charge, God will always be in charge, and I, your mother, am telling you this now.

"'My child, do not be afraid to give my words to your superiors in the church. You must remember that these are not your words or prophesies. You are not responsible for them and do not have to prove them. How could you? These words come from heaven and they are intended to give my children advance warning so that the children of the Light are spiritually prepared. All must play their part and you will see that many are receiving communications of this kind. Be brave. Be holy. Be ready to accept your assignments with faith. We are relying on chosen souls to bring a great many souls back to Christ before the time for the Miracle of Souls arrives.'"

The part that struck me, and the reason I wanted to share this quote are these words: "My children are aware that the world is changing. Worldly souls think that they are orchestrating these changes, but in reality, God is in charge. He is taking their evil intentions and using them to implement His own order. Holy souls need have no fear. The plans of the evil one will go nowhere."

The world is changing in so many ways, nearly all are not for the better - or so it seems. It's enough to make us sick to our stomachs, and feeling quite hopeless and helpless. Why don't these people, these politicians, people in Hollywood, media, etc get it?? How can they not see what is so very, almost painfully, obvious to the rest of us?

Many of our political leaders are so caught up in the illusion of power. They see in their hands the ability to change things in this world, and I wonder if they truly care whether they're changing things for the better or for the worse, or if they just like the power they feel by being able to put their stamp on the world and their influence on our lives. I see them in some ways as bullies, preying upon those of us who are weaker and have less influence than the rest, just so that they can feel better about themselves. I feel sorry for those who do that in some ways, especially if that is the case, but also because they don't know God; they are so very separated from Him, and that must be tremendously painful. In order to give the meaning that they lack to their power, albeit in a personal philosophy in which there is no truth and no meaning, they make themselves into little gods, making laws with little regard to what is right.

BUT THEY ARE NOT IN CHARGE, even if they believe they are. GOD IS IN CHARGE. Romans 8:28. God will turn all things to good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. God is using their evil intentions and evil efforts and using them for His own purposes, turning them to good. It is already set... God will triumph over evil, no matter what the other side pulls on us. But which side will we be on? Will we help or hamper His Will? Will we play the part He calls us to play?

Some are called to stand in the front lines; I thank any and all who have protested outside an abortion clinic or in Washington, or elsewhere. Such is necessary. But we must also PRAY!! This is a spiritual battle, and we must all fight with spiritual weapons - prayer, fasting, offering up our trials, the Rosary. A devotion to Mary, and through Mary to Jesus. He must be the center of our very lives! We have nothing to fear; we have nothing to run away from. But we have EVERYTHING to run to! May we embrace He to does and will save us! May we beg for His Will to be done, for His Kingdom to come! Do not be afraid to ask for what you need. Don't be afraid to ask for His Kingdom to be hastened.

We are surrounded by so much evil, coming at us from every side! We cannot possibly do battle ourselves on every front. But God, Who is everywhere at all times, Who is all powerful and all knowing, can. And He is and will! Let us cling to Him and fight on His side, doing our small though important part! And we will triumph!

A prayer for spiritual battle

2010-10-06T13:49:00.002-05:00

Andy and I receive The 101 Times in the mail. It is a Marian newsletter which often contains wonderful articles. The last newsletter contained a couple prayers to the Holy Spirit, one of which I felt very drawn to pray and feel has been a wonderful blessing over the last week, since I started praying it. I will quote the entire section of this article, since the spirit with which it is prayed is as important as the prayer itself:

"Cardinal Mercier said: 'I am going to reveal t you the secret of sanctity and happiness. Every day for five minutes control your imagination and close your eyes to the things of sense, and your ears to the noises of the world, in order to enter into yourself. Then, in the sanctity of your baptized soul (which is the temple of the Holy Spirit), speak to that Divine Spirit, saying to Him:

'Oh Holy Spirit, beloved of my soul, I adore You. Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console me. Tell me what I should do. Give me Your orders. I promise to submit myself to all that You desire of me, and accept all that You permit to happen to me. Let me only know Your will.

'If you do this, your life will flow along happily, serenely, and full of consolation, even in the midst of trials. Grace will be proportioned to the trial, giving you strength to carry it, and you will arrive at the Gate of Paradise laden with merit. This submission to the Holy Spirit is the secret of sanctity and peace. Try it.'"

Besides likely the promptings of the Holy Spirit, you can see why I was drawn to this prayer. The second from last sentence of the prayer is difficult for me to say, but the Holy Spirit knows I will do my best to honor that promise, even if imperfectly at times.

In Gratitude for JOY!

2010-10-06T11:52:00.004-05:00

What consolation the Lord has granted to me today! While I was kneeling in church, He filled my heart with so much love and joy and let me know He is truly with me! What a gift to have received such grace!

My heart's desire is that, in the midst of life's trials, I may know joy and peace and may be able to gratefully give my suffering to Him to console the Heart that is pained by our sin. Our Lord granted that desire today. May He be praised!!

I have been offering my struggles with my thyroid issue, work, and frustration with disobedience of the kids for love, hope, and joy - and true faith - to fill my heart and to fill the hearts of my family and fill our home, that all who enter may know His love and that His love may permeate our family life. I have prayed that He protect us from the devil and all evil spirits that attempt to do us harm and may place His shield around us, and that He fill us with so much love that there is no room for any other influence.

Through prayers specifically to Mary and to the Holy Spirit, He has heard me and has granted me answers to these prayers, even if only for a time! But may those prayers continuously be answered; and may I have the fortitude and trust in Him to continuously ask and seek His help! For we are indeed involved in spiritual battle, and the devil and his evil spirits are all around. Mary asks that we turn to Her Son in our battle, uniting our crosses and ourselves with Him. The devil looks for any opportunity he can find... please don't give him the chance! I have found complacency to be just the chance he needs... therefore I pray for the grace to be constant in prayer and to not grow complacent!

May our Lord be with you all and give you His love and joy! May Mary our Mother intercede for you and be your constant companion!

First Blooms of the Season

2010-10-06T09:52:00.005-05:00

Well, not really. I did have a few flowers this summer, but go figure, most of my summer flowers didn't do as well as my fall ones. The fall flowers were all ready to welcome the first frost! They're making the fall more cheery!

Mums. My second mum bush has lots of buds but few flowers yet... looks like I'll be getting a second wave sometime! The third bush died this spring and was replaced by a tiny plant that will hopefully grow bigger next year.

Late-blooming Clematis. We have mid summer clematis as well, that only produced a handful of flowers this year. We though this particular vine was dead this spring and almost pulled it out, but it turned out to do very well!

Obedience

2010-10-04T09:16:00.002-05:00

This weekend was a challenging one for our family, in light of the boys having difficulty recently with obedience and Mommy not feeling well. Since I have not been doing well for some time and have been getting after them more easily, I thought they deserved an explanation and also an explanation as to how they can help, complete with a lesson and definition of obedience a friend had shared with me Saturday morning.

I told them I am sick and have been since childhood, with something that makes me more tired and more stressed than most people get. My doctor and I have been working really hard to make me better, but stress makes me sicker and worse, and makes me yell more easily. Do you want to help me get better? Yes, yes! Ok, this is what you can do to help: be obedient and do what Daddy and I ask you to do without whining. I get more stressed when you don't obey. And do they know what obedience means? No. It means (and I love this part that my friend told me about) you do what we ask right away, all the way, and with a joyful heart. We went into what each of those phrases meant, and the boys were excited to help and to repeat each over and over.

Obedience is right away, all the way, and with a joyful heart!

Quick thyroid update

2010-10-04T08:14:00.000-05:00

Quick update regarding my new thyroid medicine: I probably should have stayed at 60mg during the weekend rather than increasing to 90mg... though perhaps that would have been worse. I was tired this weekend, having been up nearly 2 hours each night (which is better than the 5 hours, 3 nights in a row as I was 2 weeks ago :) ). And I was pretty crabby and fatigued (but seem to perhaps be doing better today??). Andy and I actually got in a few fights, largely in part to my mood and his being tired of my moods, also because he is looking ahead at week #2 of 3 weeks of tests, followed by weeks of papers and reports. but God seems to bring good out of bad situations. I dug up a book, The Thyroid Solution by Ridha Arem, MD, which I had bought 4+ years ago. (It helped me greatly at that time, but I am a bit disappointed in it as of now, as it mentions Armour fairly little and has very little mention of adrenal issues, getting Addison's disease - no adrenal function - mixed up with adrenal fatigue (those words are not even used) - poor adrenal function). BUT it had a great chapter on thyroid issues and relationships. And it's amazing how he is able to spell out every issue, with the exception of the ways in which this affects the kids, that we have been experiencing. Reading this and talking about it helps me to know what I have been telling Andy is true: this irritability and anger, unrealistic demands, need for comfort and sympathy from Andy, inconsistency, need for peace and quiet are normal and are in part, at least, a result of my thyroid condition - and, I believe, of my adrenal insufficiency. I think Andy is starting to understand this stuff at least a little more after yesterday. I wrote a quote from this book in my last post, counting down to Andy's graduation.

Countdown to Graduation: 8 months

2010-10-04T07:55:00.003-05:00

Eight months until Andy graduates! Actually, as of a few days ago, I can change the countdown on the 21st of each month, and so you'll see these posts a week or so earlier. I found out May 21, 2011 is Andy's actual graduation date, with finals done the day before that. It feels good to put a date on the end. Woo hoo!

Sept seemed to have gone fairly slowly, with the weeks dragging on more slowly than usual, though it's still funny to think that it's already October.

I picked up a book again yesterday about thyroid conditions, which I have not read for a couple years, in hope of finding a chapter that will help Andy to understand how this thyroid and adrenal issue is affecting me and contributing to my mood and reactions. I am grateful that it contained a chapter that did just that. The book is The Thyroid Solution, by R. Arem, MD. I am saying this here because it has a quote which I believe will shed light on why I am doing this countdown and why I am so anxious for Andy's graduation and my staying home.

"Many patients... devote most of their attention and remaining energy to the effort to maintain job performance. This tremendous burden on the brain will often be expressed in outbursts at home as patients' frustrations and inability to fulfill emotional and physical responsibilities in their private lives affect [spouses and] families.

"Amanda, a teacher with a hypothyroid condition, described this conflict to me. 'I became irritable with my students,' she said. 'I had to exercise a great deal of self-control so that I wouldn't fly off the handle. This would tire me out so much that, when I got home, I was useless to my husband. I felt guilty, like I wasn't really all there to do the things we wanted to do. We would go dancing, and I couldn't remember to move my foot out for each step. It was very noticeable.' When patients focus on doing the best they can at work, their home life inevitably suffers, because they have no energy left for family duties and obligations."

I have had no doubt my work affects my family; being a physical therapist and having to be "on" all day, just as a teacher does, leaves me exhausted at the end of the day and the end of the week. When I was working 4 days a week, with kids at home the the other 3 days, I could never recover. And I was getting worse and worse. I do my best not to let my condition affect my patient care, devoting most/all of my remaining energy on maintaining job performance, and giving my family the left-overs, meaning I'm often exhausted and moody at home. I get after the kids and fight with Andy too easily, and it pains me to see the effects this has on them. But somehow (and I still can't get a grasp on this), it seems I am powerless to stop my own reactions - it seems I am too fatigued and that it takes too much effort to control myself. I need to learn to just walk away, but the anger and irritability prevents this. I feel guilty for this, as being a wife and mother is most important, after God, and I want to do it to the best of my ability. I want my children to know the love and joy of following Christ, not to associate faith with anger and guilt. What "Amanda" said about not being able to remember to move her foot while dancing with her husband - it sounds ridiculous, but things like that happen frequently with me. Simple actions, simple phrases, things that used to come easily to me confound me and seem to elude me at home.

But more recently, my job performance had been suffering as well (and that means home/family is suffering more). I was written up for being so tired and for complaining about my fatigue to a co-worker and "worrying her" months ago. Now, I feel great pressure not to say anything to anyone and not to show signs of how tired I am, which is overall beneficial to me as well but very difficult on my bad days. Now that I have cut back to part time with weekends, Mondays, and Wednesdays off, it seems it takes at least the weekend to recover to pre-week status and sometimes Monday as well, but at least I am partially recovering. I thought I had been actually slowly getting better, but this new thyroid medicine has made it more difficult to gauge. I am (hopefully temporarily) more irritable recently.

The solution to me is to put in my notice and be done with work as soon as possible, but financially that is not possible. It would likely do Andy in to take on 16-18 very involved credits, with the effort he puts into school, and to take on a job. So I feel very trapped. This perhaps sounds ridiculous to some people - how can I be struggling so much with a part time job and two children?? So many people take on so much more and do just fine. I'm just making too much of this. No, I promise you, this is real.

But yet there is hope. I do believe, despite how much I am struggling with it recently again, that the treatment I am receiving is the correct one for me and will rebalance all those endocrine hormones, eventually making me feel a lot better (normal???). And decreasing my hours from 31 to 20, including an extra day off and somewhat shorter days at work - the longest being 9 1/2 hours rather than 11 - gives me better balance between work and home and decreases the extent of exhaustion. Having two mornings without kids, with ability to exercise and go to church, and with responsibility to no one but myself until 11:15, gives me the opportunity to take care of myself and encourage recovery. And a growing trust in God, and increasing frequency of turning to Him helps greatly too, even if I don't "feel" the effects immediately.

From this perspective 8 months seems like a long time, and often I wonder if I can make it through two more semesters when every semester thus far has gotten worse and worse for our family (and this one seemed to take a huge dive to being even worse this last weekend). But God does not ask of us what we cannot do, and 8 months will likely go fairly quickly. With His grace, I will likely make it through, family intact and somehow stronger as a result.

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Oct 2 message

2010-10-03T08:29:00.006-05:00

October 2, 2010 Message to Mirjana

"Dear children, Today I call you to a humble, my children, humble devotion. Your hearts need to be just. May your crosses be your means in the battle against the sins of the present time. May your weapon be patience and boundless love – a love that knows to wait and which will make you capable of recognizing God's signs – that your life, by humble love, may show the truth to all those who seek it in the darkness of lies. My children, my apostles, help me to open the paths to my Son. Once again I call you to pray for your shepherds. Alongside them, I will triumph. Thank you."

A note, in case you have not caught the different spellings of the two similar names. Mirija and Mirjana are two different people, both seers to whom Our Lady has chosen to reveal herself in Medjugorje. Because both these women have received all ten secrets, they no longer see Mary daily as they once did and as a couple of the seers continue to. Mary has chosen, with Jesus' blessing, to continue to speak to each of them once a month. Mirija has the blessing of Mary's presence on the 25th of each month, and Mirjana on the 2nd of each month. The messages Our Lady gives them are spread through various means throughout the world. I receive them on email. For more information, click here. This is the same link I posted late last month with Mirija's message.

Brief update regarding switching to Armour Thyroid

2010-10-02T01:00:00.002-05:00

I don't believe any of my normal readers, the few of you that there seem to be, have a lot of interest in reading about my thyroid, but I am posting on the chance that there are others, like I have, who search the web for information on how people have tolerated switching to Armour.

I switched 11 days ago now, to 60mg. I had 4 days of anxiety and 3 nights unable to sleep, then 4-5 awesome days where I felt better than I ever have. The last 2-3 days I have felt tired and have been having brain fog again, as well as a few of my other issues I had noticed improvement in. Because I know the typical successful switch to Armour includes periodic increases in the medication until the optimal dose is reached, as doctors cannot put their patients on a full dose, nor know what a full dose will be, for reasons of anxiety as our bodies get used to the medication, I called my doctor for advice. Her partner was on call and increased my dose to 90 mg per day. Because I know my body and have dealt with hypothyroidism my whole life, I am choosing to ramp up to 80 mg over the next three days then 90 mg. I took the extra 20 mg today later than I should have and am consequently having a little difficulty sleeping again, though I do believe I will fall right asleep once I lie down again after drinking green tea, eating a handful of peanuts for protein, and taking a 5HTP supplement.

Between the hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue, I am surprised how sensitive my body is to all these levels of endocrine hormones and levels of neurotransmitters. I hope that as my body recovers that I will be able to decrease my dependence on many of the supplements I take, but I have read many people have to continue quite a few of them or have symptoms returning.

Another bit of advice/opinion, in case anyone is reading this who is considering treatment for adrenal fatigue. Some sites advocate use of Hydorcortisone replacement through a couple different medications (Isocort and Cortef??). I have not been on those medications but would be skeptical of trying them. The reason is that, while they do allow your adrenal gland to rest, I have read (and it makes sense to me, as a non-medication-prescribing medical provider) that they also allow your adrenal gland to weaken through disuse. Also, they can interrupt the balance of the various hormones that the adrenal gland produces. My doctor has me on a combination of pregnenalone (an important precursor of the adrenal hormones and cortisol) and adrenal support (a combination of herbs/etc found to increase production and slow breakdown of cortisol). I get these supplements from a place which only sells to medical providers and so am unable to give advice as to what supplements others should take. That combination may not be what is best for everyone, though, so if this is something you are considering, it is best to consult with a knowledgeable doctor.

Fighting this War - One Weapon

2010-09-30T21:38:00.002-05:00

I read, on two different blogs, just now about Catholics/Christians being charged with acts of violence for informing and educating others on the truth. One was a story about two young men at the a Muslim festival. Find a great post about it here, at A Catholic Notebook.

Another was an article I was directed to by another post on Creative Minority Report. Here is the http://lifenews.com/nat6740.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RealClearReligion+%28Real+Clear+Religion%29.

Is this the beginning, or progression really, of something horribly ugly in our country? Of our being targeted like criminals for proclaiming the truth and trying to save souls? Where can we possibly begin to defend ourselves when we are defending ourselves against the government and the FBI? How far will the importance of truth deteriorate? And how far can the corruption of power take people? Do they really think they can play god and make the rules, watching us duck in the corner?

But it is not our protests, it is not our petitions and pleas that will ultimately save us, or that will turn the world on its head. No, it Jesus, it is the Holy Spirit, it is God. It is making reparations for our sins and the sins of others. It is devotion to Our Lady and to her directing us back to Her Son.

I propose that all who read this, myself included, begin a First Saturday devotion in two days. Our Lady of Fatima urges us to do this. Reparation to Her Immaculate Heart, fasting, and prayer, will bring peace. As spoken by Our Lady: "See, My daughter, My heart surrounded by thorns which ungrateful men pierce at every moment by their blasphemies and ingratitude... Say to all those who, for five months, on the first Saturday, confess, receive Holy Communion, recite the Rosary and keep Me company for 15 minutes while meditating on the fifteen mysteries of the Rosary, in a spirit of reparation, I promise to assist them at the hour of death with all the graces necessary for the salvation of their souls." and elsewhere this is also connected to conversion of the world. Unfortunately, in many areas, there are no morning Masses on First Saturdays. I do not believe Saturday evening Masses count as they are specifically for the eve of the Sabbath. Can we petition our [already overworked] priests to begin a First Saturday Mass if there is not one available in the area?

Our Lady of Medjugorje, Sept 25 message

2010-09-28T08:30:00.004-05:00

September 25, 2010 message to Marija

“Dear children! Today I am with you and bless you all with my motherly blessing of peace, and I urge you to live your life of faith even more, because you are still weak and are not humble. I urge you, little children, to speak less and to work more on your personal conversion so that your witness may be fruitful. And may your life be unceasing prayer. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

For a history and information about Our Lady's appearances in Medjugorje, I refer you to http://www.medjugorje.org/overview.htm.

A more optimistic outlook on my last post

2010-09-27T21:22:00.003-05:00

After starting on Armour, for my hypothyroidism, I had four pretty tough days. I wrote the last post on the fourth day. But a few hours after writing the post, I started to feel better, though still very tired likely from lack of sleep for three nights and continuous anxiety. Yet, that night, I got a very good night of sleep and felt great the following day (yesterday) and overall today as well.

My hypothesis on what made the difference? Green tea. Does that sound silly? This is why I think it was: my doctor has encouraged me to take GABA as a supplement, and I have been off and on, but it has never seemed to make a difference. Not long ago, I read that GABA does not cross the blood brain barrier, thus will not have any effect in the brain. Yesterday, I was trying to find something that would decrease my anxiety and read that green tea contains another amino acid that does cross the blood brain barrier and then is converted to gabapentin. I was skeptical, but I was also desperate. I have little doubt it helped. And that it was a large part of the reason I slept that night.

So not only have I been feeling better the last two days than I did the four days previously, but I really do think I've been feeling better than I have for a long, long time. Assuming I will continue to feel this way, those four days were so worth it. Here is a list of the big and small ways things I've noticed are better:

1. My thinking is more clear. Little or no brain fog! (Have you ever had brain fog? It's horrible!)
2. Less fatigued (nine hours of sleep a night had not been enough).
3. Less irritable, more patient with the boys.
4. More enthusiastic! Able to laugh more easily. :D
5. Recovered from a cold in just over 48 hours (unheard of for me).
6. Right inner ear has not been itching (lately, my throat has been itching a lot and has for years off and on. Whenever my through itches, it has always traveled up into my right ear's Eustachian tube - very annoying).
7. Digestive system seems to be working better (you don't want details, I'm sure).
8. Facial skin looks less blotchy, more even and brighter.
9. I have been able to go outside without sunglasses when it's overcast (I typically wear sunglasses even when my car's headlights are on, obviously not more than an hour after sunset though).
10. Less hair shedding (a problem I started noticing just recently).

(Granted, some of these effects I've noticed significantly more than others, and some have been minor changes, to the point that I question whether I'm just looking for changes.)

As long as I'm being optimistic here, I'd like to add one more thing. My only complaint about my husband has always been his lack of sensitivity and lack of support when I'm feeling yucky. He's always thought I can just shake it off. While he doesn't understand how I'm feeling (and hopefully never will), he is now understanding I really can't just shake this off. It's very real. And I do not want to be tired and irritated, depressed and anxious. He has become the supportive husband I need. Though the last year has been very difficult, I can see our relationship has grown as a result, and we enjoy and appreciate each other more now than we did even a year ago. Add this to his many other amazing qualities - and I feel so very blessed! I love that man!

Please, God, can you give me my thyroid back?

2010-09-25T10:04:00.008-05:00

One reason for my absence around here lately, and also in the past, is that I've been preoccupied with health concerns, with tiredness and fatigue, anxiety, depression, etc. Antidepressants don't do much for me, and so I choose to forgo the side effects and not take them.

Why, you may ask. (or if you read the title and suffer from hypothyroidism, you may not ask). I have congenital hypothyroidism, which means I was born without a thyroid. Now, most medical doctors consider that to be an easily treated condition, assuming it's detected early. And I am one of the lucky ones as I was born the first year neonatal screening for the condition was mandated by the state. I was started on Synthroid almost immediately after being born and have been dosed appropriately on that medication.

The problem arises in that Synthroid, and other medications that are commonly prescribed contain only T4, a thyroid hormone with four iodine atoms attached. Some T4 is converted to T3 (three iodine atoms), and perhaps others down the line. But a human thyroid produces T4, T3, T2, and T1, and the parathyroid produces calcitonin (a hormone I don't believe I have ever been tested for). T3 is the most active hormone, and even a mildly, chronically decreased T3 level in the body can cause multiple problems. Not only that, but under stress, T4 is converted by the body into excess Reverse T3 (RT3), as well as T3. Apparently, the ratio of T3 to RT3 should be nearly 10:1, though there is some discrepancy in this, depending on the lab test and the source one may be reading. My RT3 is too high. RT3 blocks the T3 receptors at the cell level and does not let the active T3 bind to the cell, in the brain and in the periphery. So the T3 that is present cannot do the job it is supposed to do. The functions of T2 and T1 are not known, but there are likely functions for these two hormones also, for why else would God have made the thyroid to produce those hormones too?

The other thing that's common with thyroid problems, especially in stressful situations, is adrenal problems. I believe, simply put, that part of the reason for this is that an imbalanced or inappropriate level of thyroid hormones places stress on the body and also that the thyroid and adrenal glands are intimately connected and depend on each other. The adrenal gland is the primary stress regulator (as well as a producer of a significant amount of the hormones progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone in the body). In addition to adrenaline, the adrenal gland also produces cortisol in stressful situations. Cortisol seems to be getting more press lately, for good reasons. In stressful situations, the adrenal gland needs to produce more cortisol than normal, and steals especially progesterone to do so, as well as estrogen and testosterone and other intermediate products. For so many of us, we are no longer dealing with short-lived stress but with chronic stress. And so the adrenals glands have to work overtime for an extended period of time. Eventually, they become fatigued and cannot do the work of adaptation to stress. And a person starts to feel the effects, feeling fatigued themselves, sometimes to the point of barely being able to function. Because this affects progesterone and estrogen production, and the ovaries cannot produce all the progesterone and estrogen our bodies need, the effects of this "adrenal fatigue" can also become cyclical for females.

Now, that's not the end of the story. The hippocampus is also affected, the part of the brain the helps regulate emotions and memory. In the above conditions, the hippocampus actually atrophies, or shrinks. And no one seems to know how to rectify this part. Serotonin, gabapentin, and dopamine apparently are usually plentiful in this area of the brain, and of course are decreased when the hippocampus atrophies, causing increased tendancy toward depression and anxiety.

So, cumulatively, one ends up fatigued, irritable, anxious, depressed, having decreased memory and brain fog, with sleep irregularities, hormonal problems, sometimes metabolism problems, irregular and/or low temperatures, bowel problems, difficulty getting over illnesses, and a host of other symptoms. Neurotransmitters in the brain are affected, including serotonin, gabapentin, etc. It seems there is no end to the host of problems this causes.

Alright, so where am I? And why am I to the point I am? My thyroid issue may have been a contributing factor to some of my "issues" as I was growing up. But it really started to play a role after Isaac was born. I was on T4 only, and on a pretty high dose during my pregnancy. After my pregnancy, my doctor chose not to test my thyroid until my 6 week check. But by two and a half weeks postpartum, I could not deal with the amount of anxiety I was feeling; between my thyroid levels being too high and a host of other stressors, including being unable to sleep, my adrenals were running on high. Cortisol was stealing the progesterone I so needed in that postpartum time, as the progesterone that had been being produced by the placenta was obviously nonexistent. I'm sure I developed adrenal fatigue during that time. Since that postpartum time, I have not been the same.

Fast forward nearly four years. I have indeed been tested for and diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. Working (physical therapy) and raising two active boys, with my husband in school, has continued to keep my stress level up. I'm in charge of caring for so many people, but my endocrine system is screaming for me to take care of myself (this is why I complain, though I don't want want to). And my stress and fatigue, and irritability, has and continues to take its toll on my family. I do pray often that God makes up for my inadequacies and heals the hurt I cause (and for good reason, I may add). And I see myself getting overall worse, not better, despite all the treatment I'm taking (though there are some times and some areas where I see some improvement).

I started on synthetic T3 about six months after Isaac was born, which I do think has been beneficial but did not seem be be enough. Four days ago, my doctor started me on Armour Thyroid, which has the full spectrum of T4, T3, T2, and T1, and calcitonin (including more T3 than our bodies would produce for themselves). With adrenal fatigue, some people have problems with Armour. At first, I felt my brain being more clear than it has been in years, even despite having come down with a cold the evening after I started treatment (which mysteriously only lasted 48-56 hours, when the effects of my fall and spring colds have been lasting for two months in the last year). But I'm incredibly anxious and have not slept more than 3 hours during each of the last 3 nights. I am exhausted yet anxious today, and very irritable, and want nothing to do with my family, especially since I know I will just be not-so-nice to them. For some, this is a temporary effect; others are unable to tolerate Armour. For some, this treatment also seems to keep the adrenals in a fatigued state. Armour plus synthetic T4 may offer some answers, but there are reasons I can't do that yet, and this email is already long enough that I won't bore you with those reasons.

That's where I stand. Grateful God gave me life in the year neonatal testing for congenital hypothyroidism was mandated, grateful for treatment for it, grateful for a wonderful, holy doctor who is helping me through this and teaching me so much, and thankful for a husband who is becoming increasingly supportive through this (most of the time - but I can't blame him for times when this also gets to him). But oh so tired of dealing with this stuff and just wanting to be normal. Oh well, it's another thing to offer up for my holiness and salvation and the holiness and salvation of my family who is dealing with this with me.

Welcome to a New Little Girl

2010-09-13T08:57:00.002-05:00

My niece was born Saturday evening, around 8 pm. Brooke Helen. 8#9oz, a healthy baby girl. Congratulations to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and their son Brody. May God bless their family!

Life without Television

2010-09-13T08:23:00.002-05:00

Three and a half years ago, and prior to that, we had television - cable, I believe. Andy, having grown up with television being on constantly for background noise and the occasional actual sitting down to watch it, also had the television on far more than I preferred. While he was good about it for the kids' sake (who were 1 1/2 and a few months around the time we moved), it still bothered me to have the TV on while the boys were awake.

When I agreed to move 1 1/2 hours away from the city where I had grown up, and away from family and friends, to a small town - which including my working and Andy's staying home with the boys - I told Andy we would not PAY for cable or satellite, even if that meant getting no television reception. Well, as it turns out, we live in a bit of a gully and cannot put an antenna up because we're renting. SO that means no reception! We bought a used entertainment center just so that we have doors covering our television set. We can watch movies but otherwise have little other contact with the TV. And recently, after noticing that the boys were watching at times three movies a day (albeit some only 30 min long), I made a new rule that no movies can be watched, outside of "quiet time," unless it's raining or we can't go outside for another reason.

Do I miss TV? What do you think? If you answered no, you are right. I'll add another word to that. NO WAY!!! In fact, sometimes - no, more than sometimes - I wish we would just get rid of the whole black box! But Andy and I do enjoy watching movies together, and Andy likes being able to stream history documentaries from Netflix. So as soon as we would chuck that thing out the window, we'd be running out trying to figure out how to put it back together! It's a love-hate relationship. No, it's a tolerate-like-hate relationship; it's complicated. At least sites like imdb.com make it tolerable, since we can find out if movies are inappropriate, and we have mutually agreed not to rent inappropriate or significantly non-family friendly movies, even for the two of us.

Some of the best things about not having television:
1. No commercials. The boys don't learn about all these products and toys and are not begging for this or that. Toy, fast food, cereal (etc) companies are not allowed to suck my sons into their world.
2. Much fewer inappropriate images being flashed in this home. If there is anything I can't stand, it's women being shown with little on and allowed to be viewed in that way; where is the respect? There's enough of that around us everywhere we look that if I can limit how much my boys and my husband - and myself - are exposed to that, I will.
3. Fewer flashing images for the boys in general. This is part of the reason I would get rid of the TV completely if I could, because they still get too many flashing images through their movies. As if the world doesn't move fast enough already.
4. More time for play, for make-believe and imagination. More opportunity for quality family time.
5. Less influence from the media and their and Hollywood's warped view of reality. Where do they get this stuff?
6. Less sitting around doing nothing, wasting time. Speaking of which, I was going to get out for a bike ride about half an hour ago...

Have a great day!

When our lives are not as we wish them to be

2010-09-10T19:44:00.003-05:00

I dream of being home with two boys who are better behaved versions of the ones I have, a baby in my arms or in my womb, and a more sensitive version of my husband. I dream of having love and joy spilling forth from my heart onto my children and my husband, of laughing and playing together, even among toys scattered on the floor. I dream of God being so evident in our family life that all know His presence as they enter our home.

At times, I see shadows of that life. I see well-behaved boys. At times I'm wrapped in a spontaneous hug from my husband at just the right time. I had that moment of joy when I looked down at a positive pregnancy test 8 months ago. We have experienced joy, love, laughter together. We have caught glimpses of God's undeniable presence.

But at times, like today, all that eludes me. At times, like this week, I am too tired and too overwhelmed to catch sight of the beauty around me. At times, the boys' misbehavior is overwhelming, and Andy is caught off guard by my strong emotions and doesn't know what to do to comfort me. In those times, I can only grasp at joy and love, unable to secure my fingers around them; all I can do is hold on and pray for help.

What can I do? I feel so helpless. When I'm at work, I can literally do nothing. But even when I'm at home, I feel limited. Time-outs don't seem to do the trick for the boys. And the stress I'm under, and Andy's under - sometimes the stress seems to be destroying our family. The impatience, the way we talk to each other, the lack of that laughter and playfulness, the lack of visible love at times. I feel I'm no match for the pressure we face, and I watch helplessly as the boys are swallowed up into it as well. I'm too exhausted most of the time to begin to undo some of that damage stress has caused. I find myself praying to God after yelling at the boys, "Please heal the hurt and the damage I have caused." And I wonder whether I should apologize to them again or refrain from doing so so as to not undermine my authority.

I know a large part of the issue is my sensitivity to stress. It is good to take a step back and examine our lives from afar. Really, I am blessed. I am very blessed. But when looking up close, I let things get to me. I must learn to forgive those small imperfections in my life, to forgive the imperfections of those I love, and my own imperfections. As a good friend reminded me today, I must appreciate and be gracious for those precious moments I am given, to not take one for granted for they pass all too quickly and may be gone sooner than I expect. To appreciate those moments within the context of the landscape of one's life, as created by God, can bring joy into one's life and lessen stress. Remembering those moments, etched into that landscape, can help one through the more difficult times. I must learn to do that, thus keeping things in better perspective, and overcoming those trials in prayer and with a smile and a shrug.

Our Lady of Medjugorje

2010-09-10T19:23:00.002-05:00

Message of September 2, 2010 to Mirjana

"Dear children. I am beside you because I desire to help you to overcome trials, which this time of purification puts before you. My children, one of those is not to forgive, and not to ask for forgiveness. Every sin offends Love and distances you from it – and Love is my Son. Therefore, my children, if you desire to walk with me towards the peace of God's love, you must learn to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. Thank you."

A slice of pie

2010-09-07T21:24:00.010-05:00

I have known Andy just over 7 years, and we've been married nearly 6. He has told me throughout that time, albeit rarely, that his favorite desert is lemon meringue pie. Now, Andy is a man of few words most of the time, and a man of even fewer deserts. I mean, he doesn't like ice cream, chocolate, cookies, cake, or really any deserts... except lemon meringue pie. But in the last 7 years, do I remember him eating a slice of his favored desert? NO! Then, in one way or another, he mentioned the pie a month ago, and I have been looking for a chance to make it since then. My chance came this last Sunday.

Andy's dad invited him to go golfing, and Andy offered to take Blaise with him. So they left at 12:30 Sunday for a very successful golfing expedition. As soon as they were out the door, and with Isaac in quiet time, I grabbed my food processor and my cookbook and set about making a crust for my treasured pie.

I was off to a good start. This was the first good pie crust I had ever made! Isaac came down from quiet time, and after licking the inside of the food processor (sans blade) clean, and after Mom baked the crust, we rode, Mom on her bike and Isaac in the trailer, to Isaac's special treat: bowling!

Strong man!

What a bowler!

Waiting... and waiting... for the ball to roll down the lane.

Then back home we went. Isaac was incredibly good, allowing me to mix and stir and whip the pie into shape without his complaining. In my haste and concentration on the task at hand, I forgot to snap any pictures until the pie was in the oven. But I did manage to get one of some of the dishes, for your viewing pleasure:

The completed pie:

I didn't capture the best part - Andy's surprise when he opened the refrigerator after returning home with Blaise. But here is a slice from last night, just before he dug in:

Mmmm... Though it didn't puff up quite as much as I was hoping it would. Perhaps leaving it in the oven for a couple more minutes? I'll just have to try it again someday...

(Also, thank you for your prayers and words on encouragement regarding my last post. Today was again a difficult day, both because of that and because of Isaac's difficulty in transitioning to school and back to the babysitters - but that's another post perhaps. But I'm making it through, due in part to those prayers and kind words. Thank you!)

2010-09-06T19:01:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those days that God must have been hitting me over the head. The question is, what is He trying to teach me? Perhaps that I need to hand over to Him my desire to have another child and the timing of that wonderful event.

Today should have been my due date, I believe. I miscarried a child in early February. Also, today, I took a pregnancy test and found out I am not pregnant, though I thought I likely was. And today, my in-laws invited us over for dinner, and also invited my sister and brother-in-law, who are expecting their next baby, due tomorrow. And this week, Thursday, my miscarried baby will finally be buried along with other miscarried babies.

I believe God is telling me, through this, that I'm not ready, and my family is not ready, to accept another child just yet. We have too many things to do, too many transitions, before we can accept another life. If I was to have a child right now or in May, it would be difficult - probably more difficult than I realize. Andy graduates in May and will have to (hopefully) transition into a full time job once again. Perhaps we will have to move, depending on where his job is. And I will be transitioning (hopefully) into full time motherhood (!!). And the boys will be getting used to summer break in early June - a transition harder for kindergartners and preschoolers than for middle and highschoolers.

But I do hope God does not plan to make me wait until all that has occurred before He allows a new life to grow within me. But He does know best. And I will learn to accept and be grateful for whatever He has planned. My good friend Katie had a great idea... in the meantime, I will offer up my waiting for a healthy pregnancy and baby someday, for my ability to stay home before the baby arrives, and for a good transition for all of us into having three children. And I'll offer up today and perhaps a few more days for my sister-in-law and her 2 1/2 year old, baby, and husband.

Countdown to Graduation: 9 months

2010-09-01T13:09:00.002-05:00

Or as a friend of mine would say, the length of one pregnancy.

Both boys started school today: Blaise in kindergarten (all day!! Gosh, it feels like the day should be over by now!) and Isaac in preschool (he cried because he was scared when we dropped him off, but was so excited and proud of himself as he had gotten over his fear and enjoyed the first day by the time we picked him up). And Andy starts the fall semester tomorrow.

As for me, I've been reading and rereading Hebrews 12: 1-13, especially verses 1-2, to get psyched up for this school year and the next 9 months of work: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God." There will be joyful times and trying times these next 9 months, and I plan to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus through it all, running the race He has set before me, looking forward to May when I can be home with the boys, and perhaps someday with more kids as well.

This Sunday's Readings: Aug 22, 2010

2010-08-22T00:27:00.003-05:00

A friend asked me whether I type out the readings when I post or copy them. I copy them from the USCCB website: http://www.usccb.org/nab/

Reading 1, Is 66:18-21 says this:
Thus says the LORD:
I know their works and their thoughts,
and I come to gather nations of every language;
they shall come and see my glory.
I will set a sign among them;
from them I will send fugitives to the nations:
to Tarshish, Put and Lud, Mosoch, Tubal and Javan,
to the distant coastlands
that have never heard of my fame, or seen my glory;
and they shall proclaim my glory among the nations.
They shall bring all your brothers and sisters from all the nations
as an offering to the LORD,
on horses and in chariots, in carts, upon mules and dromedaries,
to Jerusalem, my holy mountain, says the LORD,
just as the Israelites bring their offering
to the house of the LORD in clean vessels.
Some of these I will take as priests and Levites, says the LORD.

As I read this, I cannot help but be filled with hope. I hope that this is a day that is coming, rather than a day that is past. I hope that the Lord will someday show His glory, gathering nations of every language, and turning their heart to Him. As sin and depravity are becoming more and more evident, as "tolerance" and "social justice" are being pushed and exemplified, and agendas are being forced into our lives, it's difficult not to wonder where is God? But also to wonder, what are we to do about all of this? It seems we are being bombarded by all sides. Evil is coming at us from the television, radio, internet, our children's schools, laws and regulations, these agendas and propaganda, the supermarket magazine racks... the list goes on and on. We're overwhelmed. Where do we start? What difference can we make? And what is to become of our children? I just read tonight a chapter in a book by James Dobson (Bringing up Boys, p202), in which he quotes a columnist named Ellen Goodman. She says, "But it occurs to me now that the call for 'parental responsibility' is increasing in direct proportion to the irresponsibility of the marketplace. Parents are expected to protect their children from an increasingly hostile environment.... Mothers and fathers are expected to screen virtually every aspect of their children's lives. To check the ratings on movies, to read the labels on the CDs, to find out if there's MTV in the house next door. All the while keeping in touch with school and, in their free time, earning a living." We must be everywhere at once. And even if we're able to do that, we can still end up feeling defeated. (And that's not to even mention the other atrocities that are occuring around the globe: the poor being oppressed by their own governments, children being taught radical violence, innocent people being caught in war, Christians being beaten for their convictions, etc)

But the Lord knows our thoughts. He knows our trials. And He knows the thoughts of our enemies. He will gather us; He will show us His glory, in Heaven if not before. Our hope is in Him, in His power and His glory, in His mercy, and in eternal life with Him. I do hope His plan includes showing His glory here on earth, before more souls are lost, but I do not know the mind of our Lord. Part of our purpose is to live in the hope He gives to us and to pass that hope down to the next generation, to our children, in the midst of all the depravity around us. In trying to help Blaise to behave during Mass (he did very well today, by the way. Yay!), I repeat the same thing to him week after week: "We can either have a nice time in the Church, or we can have a really bad time outside of the Church." I am not oblivious to the meaning beyond the words when I say this. We must teach this by word and example to our children: we can have joy and hope with God, or hopelessness and depravity away from God.

Reading 2 also fascinated me. It is Heb 12:5-7, 11-13:
Brothers and sisters,
You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:
“My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges.”
Endure your trials as “discipline”;
God treats you as sons.
For what “son” is there whom his father does not discipline?
At the time,
all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,
yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who are trained by it.

So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees.
Make straight paths for your feet,
that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed.

This reading also gives me hope. Does is seem to you, as it does to me, that often the way of the Christian life is an uphill road, a difficult journey? It seems it is filled with trials, for reasons I mentioned above, but also in countless other ways. But this "discipline" is also a gift in that it builds our character, gives us reason to rely on faith, and "brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it." If only it were not so difficult to be grateful for it and to see its fruitfulness during our times of trial. We are told by St Paul:
“My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges.”
Endure your trials as “discipline...”

Discipline is an interesting word. It has such a horrible connotation. We use in synonymously with words such as punishment. One definition of discipline is: "Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement" (www.thefreedictionary.com/discipline). God then shows His love for us through disciplining us, helping us and training us in moral thought and behavior, teaching us His ways, drawing us closer to Himself, and stripping us of that which is worldly that we may not become tainted. A challenge here is to remain grateful and hopeful during those times of discipline, looking forward to our increased righteousness before God and the intimacy our reliance on God will bring us to.

And the Gospel (Lk 13:22-30):
Jesus passed through towns and villages,
teaching as he went and making his way to Jerusalem.
Someone asked him,
“Lord, will only a few people be saved?”
He answered them,
“Strive to enter through the narrow gate,
for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter
but will not be strong enough.
After the master of the house has arisen and locked the door,
then will you stand outside knocking and saying,
‘Lord, open the door for us.’
He will say to you in reply,
‘I do not know where you are from.
And you will say,
‘We ate and drank in your company and you taught in our streets.’
Then he will say to you,
‘I do not know where you are from.
Depart from me, all you evildoers!’
And there will be wailing and grinding of teeth
when you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
and all the prophets in the kingdom of God
and you yourselves cast out.
And people will come from the east and the west
and from the north and the south
and will recline at table in the kingdom of God.
For behold, some are last who will be first,
and some are first who will be last.”

Because I want to do this passage justice and don't feel able to do so, I will turn to The Better Part by John Bartunek, LC, again: "Christ himself is the way to salvation and fulfillment. Salvation comes from actually following him, from striving to know him better and from obeying his teaching. This is the narrow door, because he is demanding. It is possible to be labeled a Christian on the outside without really making an effort to follow the Christian way in our hearts, or to go to Church and be seen frequently at the parish without ever really entering into a committed, life-changing, personal relationship with Christ....
"He told us to 'try your best' to enter into his Kingdom, because 'many will try to enter and will not succeed.' Certainly, the Church teaches that without the help of divine grace no one can live in eternal friendship with God, but Jesus is emphasizing here that we each must do our part as well. If we settle for a comfortable, self-satisfying Christianity, we may be deceiving ourselves - instead of building up God's Kingdom, we may in fact be erecting an idolatrous house of cards. The spiritual life is a battle, as the Church never tires of telling us, and we are not to take victory for granted....
"Because Christ is a true friend, he sees the heart. Many times those who seem great or holy by the world's standards are filled with selfishness and arrogance, while those whom the world despises are filled with humility and wisdom. But Jesus will correct this injustice: 'There are those now last who will be first, and those now first who will be last.'... If we trust only in Christ, in his goodness and love, we will learn to see as he sees, and when judgment day comes, we won't have to worry about any surprises."

Lord, please let us know Your presence as we undergo our discipline, becoming the people we were created to be. May we not lose hope as we face trials and as we fend off temptations and evil, but rely on You all the more. May we not put on airs of Christianity but honestly and fervently strive for true holiness for ourselves, our spouses, and our children.

I will be away from my blog for a little more than a week. Andy and I are traveling north to spend 4 days together, while our boys enjoy some time with Grandma and Grandpa. Then we'll be traveling back to my parents' house, and I'll spend time with them and the boys while Andy is in a 3 day long hockey referee seminar. Please say a quick prayer for our family and for a little time for Andy and I to de-stress before another semester swallows us up! I will also pray for all of you as I am falling asleep tonight. God bless you all!

How old do you think I am??

2010-08-19T20:15:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been telling Isaac, "You're my favorite 3 1/2 year old!" and Blaise, "You're my favorite 5 year old!"

Yesterday, Blaise pulled me over to him and told me, "Mommy, you're my favorite 90 year old!"

Coming soon... a post on Isaac. I realize he doesn't get much press around here, so he's going to get a full update when I am able to.

Sunday Gospel Reading 8/15/10

2010-08-14T21:18:00.002-05:00

The feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Luke 1:39-56
Mary set out
and traveled to the hill country in haste
to a town of Judah,
where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting,
the infant leaped in her womb,
and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit,
cried out in a loud voice and said,
“Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb.
And how does this happen to me,
that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,
the infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled.”

And Mary said:

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Mary remained with her about three months
and then returned to her home.

I have to confess I am too tired to do this wonderful reading justice. I hope to do better tomorrow. For now, I will simply say this reading affords me a chance to reflect on how very blessed I am, in the wonderful friends I have and the recent visits I have had with a few of them, in my amazing husband and children, and in God's presence and the work He performs in my life.

Lord, thank You so very much for all You've given each of us and for Your sweet presence. Thank you for being true to Your promises and loyal and unreserved in Your love for us.

A Rough Day

2010-08-14T18:52:00.001-05:00

Blaise: "I had a rough day today.

I played a lot, ate a lot, and had ice cream.

Now I'm tired."

Favorite Catholic Prayers

2010-08-06T04:28:00.003-05:00

Sarah, from With a Hopeful Heart, tagged me in this special Catholic meme. Check out her blog if you haven't already - especially her Aug 1 post. She's got some VERY EXCITING news that is just too great to not share.

Here are the rules:

"Name your three most favorite Catholic devotional prayers, and explain why they're your favorites. Then tag five bloggers - give them a link, and then go and tell them they have been tagged. Finally, tell the person who tagged you that you've completed the meme. The Liturgy and the Sacraments are off limits here. I'm more interested in people's favorite devotional prayers."

1. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, including Benediction when I am able to make it for that part. I love sitting with Jesus when He is so present. It is such a special blessing. As I tell my sons, it's Mommy's favorite place to go (between that and sitting in an empty church in front of the tabernacle) when I'm feeling sad or have something I need to talk to Jesus about. What a blessing He has given Himself to us in that way - to be present to us and to become a part of us!

2. I'm going to combine two because the reason we started one was because of the other. The Brown Scapular and The Rosary. Andy and I started a daily devotion to the Rosary almost 3 1/2 years ago when we started to wear the Brown Scapular in the tradition of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. It can be an outward expression of my faith and can make people think about God and Mary, or wonder what that tiny brown strap is. I've gotten surprisingly few questions about it, though. It also gives me hope of protection as well as an increased sense of responsibility to my faith. Regarding the Rosary, I admit it is very difficult for me to say it daily, partially because I am still learning how to make time for it. I admit too that my mind wanders too often while saying it. But it is a very special prayer to Mary, and when I pray it with my heart, I do see its fruits.

3. The Morning Offering. I typically make up my own, giving Jesus and Mary my upcoming day, all the trials and the joys, all my prayers and hopes, my family and work, and anything else coming that day, asking that they be with me. After having taken a long break from saying the Morning Offering, I am working on saying it again each morning. I'm slowly starting to say a short morning offering with the boys as well, hoping it will become a normal part of their daily lives.

On an aside, a couple people have mentioned devotion to St Anne, the mother of Mary. I am feeling perhaps a calling to have a deeper devotion to her as well. Thank you, Sarah, for including your prayer to St. Anne in your meme.

And as for those I will tag, here they are:

1) Katie at HuMAMAe Vitae
2) Allison at A Broken Fortress.
3) Tracy at A Catholic Mom in Minnesota
4) Krissy at A Fruitful Vine
5) The first reader to comment on this post, not including those above.

Countdown to Graduation: 10 months

2010-08-02T22:11:00.002-05:00

10 months until Andy graduates! The countdown continues...

This Sunday's Gospel: 8/1/10

2010-07-31T13:08:00.002-05:00

Luke 12:13-21

Someone in the crowd said to Jesus,
“Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me.”
He replied to him,
“Friend, who appointed me as your judge and arbitrator?”
Then he said to the crowd,
“Take care to guard against all greed,
for though one may be rich,
one’s life does not consist of possessions.”

Then he told them a parable.
“There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest.
He asked himself, ‘What shall I do,
for I do not have space to store my harvest?’
And he said, ‘This is what I shall do:
I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones.
There I shall store all my grain and other goods
and I shall say to myself, “Now as for you,
you have so many good things stored up for many years,
rest, eat, drink, be merry!”’
But God said to him,
‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you;
and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’
Thus will it be for all who store up treasure for themselves
but are not rich in what matters to God.”

We all have heard that our lives could end at any time, and that we must always be prepared to enter eternal life. Though true, at my age, it doesn't seem real. Yes, I know I could be struck by a drunk driver or by lightning, but most things that could kill me are unlikely to happen. I don't take chances that are likely to cost me my life. And so it's easy to push it out of my mind.

Lately, I have heard many stories about young people suddenly and fatally collapsing from a heart attack or stroke. These people are not much older than I am and are seemingly in good health. What is causing this? Perhaps stress. Perhaps diet. Whatever the cause, it is something to be aware of, though not worried about it.

The realization that one could die at any time has a way of putting things in perspective. Indeed, possessions are not important and should not be what we base our lives upon. Our lives are empty indeed if we worry about and try to accumulate stuff (stuff we can't take with us). But yet our lives are so rich when we live according to God's purposes and in God's love. The feeling we get when we give to another in need is a very joyful feeling indeed, where as hording that same item gives us a feeling of deep emptiness. When we trust in the Lord for all things, it is very freeing; yet, when we try to control situations around us, we feel anxious. Yet society tells us we must have this and that to be happy. Whom should we trust; whom should we listen to? The emptiness and anxiety that accumulates in our chest starts to feel normal. And could it possibly be that the stress we feel from this trying to find happiness while we are just becoming more and more anxious, all at the pace at which our lives move, is actually killing some of us? What then is the point??

The first reading, Ecc 1:2; 2:21-23, includes these words:
Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth,
vanity of vanities! All things are vanity!
Here is one who has labored with wisdom and knowledge and skill,
and yet to another who has not labored over it,
he must leave property.
This also is vanity and a great misfortune.
For what profit comes to man from all the toil and anxiety of heart
with which he has labored under the sun?
All his days sorrow and grief are his occupation;
even at night his mind is not at rest.
This also is vanity.

Now I do not believe that means we should not work hard or labor. As in a post I just posted about a children's book, we are given certain "hats" to wear by our Heavenly Father - hats that reflect what we truly love to do and have been given as a gift the unique ability to do; we are to work hard in accordance with those hats, desiring God to be glorified. Doing God's will is not vanity, but working and toiling to accumulate things, always worried that they will be taken away from us or being frustrated when they break, is.

I want to end with a prayer taken directly from the psalmist
(Ps 90:3-4,5-6,12-13,14,17):
You turn man back to dust,
saying, “Return, O children of men.”
For a thousand years in your sight
are as yesterday, now that it is past,
or as a watch of the night.
You make an end of them in their sleep;
the next morning they are like the changing grass,
Which at dawn springs up anew,
but by evening wilts and fades.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain wisdom of heart.
Return, O LORD! How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Fill us at daybreak with your kindness,
that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days.
And may the gracious care of the LORD our God be ours;
prosper the work of our hands for us!
Prosper the work of our hands!

Book Review: A Hat for Ivan

2010-07-31T12:41:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine gave me couple books and lent me a few movies after I asked for some advice regarding helping promote a love of God in our home. The movies were part of the Little Cherub series and were very good. And only 25-30 min long, which meant the boys were not sitting in front of the TV for very long. The books were a couple by Max Lucado, a Christian writer who also writes children's books. We read A Hat for Ivan this morning, and both the kids and I enjoyed it. It's about a 9 year old boy growing up in a town where everyone wears hats that illustrate what they love to do and are gifted in: baking, fishing, music, etc. Ivan's father is that hat maker. At 10 years, children are given their first hats, and Ivan is excited to get his. When he is on his way to school one day, one person after another give him a hat. The baker gives him a baking hat; the music teacher gives him a music hat; the firefighter gives him a firefighting hat, etc. Each time, "Ivan was surprised. Not happy. Not disappointed. Just surprised" and accepted the hats because he didn't want to disappoint his friends. None of the hats fit him very well and were clumsy to wear. Eventually, he was so tired from carrying and wearing all the hats and sat down, exhausted among them all. His father found him there and helped him up with a few understanding words. "I'm the hat-maker, Ivan, " he said. "I have seen what happens when people wear hats they weren't intended to wear. They feel silly. They fall down. And they get tired.... Listen, son, just because someone gives you a hat, that doesn't mean you are supposed to wear it. They mean well, but they don't know you. That's my job. I'm the hat-maker, and I'm your father.... Tell me, Ivan, what do you really love to do?"

I love how this subtly tells kids they don't have to live up to others' expectations and that, if they catch the metaphor, God knows them better than anyone else and can guide them and help them in deciding what proverbial hat to wear.

Singing in the Rain

2010-07-30T21:16:00.003-05:00

Andy and I were playing "Don't Forget the Lyrics" board game tonight. We use youtube and the internet so that we can hear the songs as well as reading the lyrics. One of the songs tonight was "Singing in the Rain." This video of Gene Kelly is awesome. Enjoy!

Please note, because of copyright laws, I cannot publish this video directly on my blog. But the link directly to the video on youtube works.

A pattern is emerging

2010-07-28T12:46:00.003-05:00

Thank you who commented on my last post about Blaise's going to Mass. I appreciate your support. My plan is to take him every week. If we have to have 10 more, or 20 more, Sundays like this last one, so be it, even if it does bother some people. But I'm hoping it won't take so long as, being 5, he is capable of understanding the concept of behaving in church and also of understanding that we can have a pleasant time in church or a bad time outside of church. I have no doubt he will get there; I just need to pray for patience as we are going through the process, as I believe Holly said.

I just want to write a quick note about a pattern I see emerging the last month. Mondays are typically great; I really enjoy the boys on those days. Sundays aren't too bad. But Fridays, Saturdays, and Wednesdays are trying; I have very little patience, and Blaise especially seems to like to test my patience on those days (perhaps because he senses that I have so little of it, or perhaps it's his frustration when I get after him for a relatively small infraction, or perhaps it's because I hadn't been around the day or two before that). Whatever the reason for Blaise's testing, what I am finding is that the day or two after working, especially after working my later shifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am exhausted and just don't want to be around anyone, including my husband and kids. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I hit a wall somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00, but I have to keep working through it until 6:30 or 7:00, and am spent by the time the day is over. And that affects the next day. My plan is to go to bed early (8:30??) on my late days, perhaps spending some time praying alone in bed before actually falling asleep. And I'm going upstairs right now to take a nap.

Blaise's birthday and going to Mass

2010-07-26T21:02:00.003-05:00

Happy 5th birthday, Blaise!

He is so proud to be a "big boy" now that he's 5! But he was surprised he didn't grow from one day to the next. He had me measure how tall he was on Saturday, then again on Sunday (his birthday), and was a bit disappointed until I showed him how much smaller he was on his 4th birthday. Before going to bed, he had me lift him up to look in the mirror. "Look how big my cheeks are. And my mouth. And my chin!" he said. I did something similar the morning of my 5th birthday. I woke up and looked at my hand and thought it was HUGE. I wouldn't get out of bed or take my hand out from under the pillow because it was so big. So Blaise's thoughts that he had grown so much was very entertaining.

We had both Andy's and my family over for the afternoon. It was great to see everyone, and both boys had a great time. I had threatened to put any gifts back in trunks if anyone but grandparents and godparents brought them, so we had just the right amount of gifts. Blaise got a remote controlled car, a great game called Goblet Gobblers, a bike (which was given to him early), and a dust buster. I especially like the dust buster. The family room has been staying very clean since he opened that!

Recently, the boys have been going to Mass with us sporadically because they just simply do not behave. We had been planning to start to bring Blaise weekly soon, though dreading it. A wonderful friend graciously pointed out that kids are very impressionable at this age and that it's an important time for formation and expressed her concern that we're not taking him to Mass with us. Last week, he had been in a vacation Bible school, and so I thought it would be a good opportunity to start taking him. So I linked Mass-going to being a "big boy" and told him it is our gift to God for all He has given to us.

Mass was a disaster for nearly the first half. As soon as I knelt down, he started trying to fold the kneeler up while I was on it. I asked him to stop and took him out when he didn't. Since I had decided to sit in the third pew, I had to go through the front door and sit in that entry way. If his very loud crying echoed through the church the way the reading echoed through the entry way, I'm sure we disrupted most people's praying. I made it clear that we could either have a miserable time outside the church or a nice time inside, so he let me take him back inside, where he promptly started to kick me. So we started the process all over again, with more crying. He finally said he wanted to be in the church and settled down enough that we could go back in, during the Gospel reading. While he wasn't perfect from that point on, he was much better, and we were able to stay in the pew. He did tell me that next week he would be better. If he's not, we'll just have to have a miserable time outside the church again, until he decides he wants a nice time inside. If you could just say one quick prayer that he learns to behave in church, I would appreciate it. Thanks. But I feel good that we're starting this process toward hopefully better behavior in church.

Message of Our Lady of Medjugorje

2010-07-26T09:02:00.002-05:00

I've been posting Our Lady's messages in Medjugorje on the side of my blog. Is anyone interested in reading them if I post them in the main body of my blog?

This is her July 25 message to Mirija:

"Dear children! Anew I call you to
follow me with joy. I desire to lead all of you to my Son, your
Savior. You are not aware that without Him you do not have joy
and peace, nor a future or eternal life. Therefore, little
children, make good use of this time of joyful prayer and
surrender. Thank you for having responded to my call."

Someday I can also post more background regarding these messages if anyone would like.

God bless you!

This Sunday's Gospel

2010-07-25T08:09:00.002-05:00

Luke 11:1-13
Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he had finished,
one of his disciples said to him,
"Lord, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples."
He said to them, "When you pray, say:
Father, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread
and forgive us our sins
for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us,
and do not subject us to the final test."

And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend
to whom he goes at midnight and says,
'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread,
for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey
and I have nothing to offer him,'
and he says in reply from within,
'Do not bother me; the door has already been locked
and my children and I are already in bed.
I cannot get up to give you anything.'
I tell you,
if he does not get up to give the visitor the loaves
because of their friendship,
he will get up to give him whatever he needs
because of his persistence.

"And I tell you, ask and you will receive;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives;
and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
What father among you would hand his son a snake
when he asks for a fish?
Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg?
If you then, who are wicked,
know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will the Father in heaven
give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

So often it seems we ask for things and never receive them. It is too easy to give up on prayer, to say, "Well, that didn't work." Perhaps we move on and pray for something else, saying that what we had wanted must not be God's will. Perhaps it is not, but Jesus says something interesting here:
"If he does not get up to give the visitor the loaves
because of their friendship,
he will get up to give him whatever he needs
because of his persistence." And:
"Ask and you will receive;... for everyone who asks, receives."
What does this mean? Jesus must want us to ask, and ask again and again and... again.

If I were God, I would find this to get annoying. "I told you no once. That is my answer. You don't have to ask again" is a common phrase in this house. But not so with God, Jesus says.

Think of Saint Monica. She prayed for years and years and years and years for the conversion of her sinful son. She never gave up on asking God for this one favor. And we know what happens - her son became a very holy man, in fact one of our earliest and best known saints: St. Augustine. We know the story, but it is too easy to forget how long those years of praying and yet seeing her beloved son fall into one sin after another must have been for Monica.

I have been very concerned about my Blaise recently. Isaac too, but more so Blaise (Some of you experienced moms may laugh at this a little - and I realize I will likely too when he is a little older and I am perhaps going through this with one of his younger siblings). He is 5 years old today (Happy birthday, my big boy! I will hopefully post something regarding his birthday soon). He is my emotional, trying kid, though some days he can be absolutely wonderful and helpful, but just flip the coin and... He seems to make too light of prayer time and even seems to disdain it at times. When we do take him to Mass, which has been infrequent until yesterday (another post), he tries to misbehave and make us angry. I do not want to be angry at Mass or with prayer, especially in that I do not want the boys to associate Mass and prayer with anger, when patience is the virtue I should be exhibiting. Well, obviously, I have been praying only 5 years and 9 months for this particular child, compared to Monica's years of prayer for hers before his conversion when he was 29 or 30. This gives me hope that, with continued, and more fervent, prayer, my children will indeed become holy men and women.

But I digress. I like the reflections in a book I have, The Better Part, by John Bartunek, LC. So I will end with something from this book: "Prayer is much simpler than you think. [Jesus] is always with you, always at your side and in your heart. [He is] always paying attention to you, thinking of you. [He is] always interested in what you are going through and what is on your mind and heart. Remember this, believe it, and prayer will be as natural as breathing... Live in the awareness of [His] presence; let [Him] be your life's companion."

And a prayer from the same book:
"I trust in you, Lord. Send me the gifts of your Holy Spirit. Fill my soul with your light and your peace; wipe away all the stains of selfishness. I want to live each new day with the freshness of your everlasting love. I want to live with the joy of the simple child and the wisdom of old age. I want my life to be a window, clear and spotless, that faces the vista of your Sacred Heart."

Part Time

2010-07-20T21:09:00.002-05:00

Just thought I'd share: Working part time is going great! I feel I have a much better balance between home and work, and my patience with the boys seems to have quadrupled, as has my ability to enjoy them! Yay! I'm more sure than I was before that when I do get to stay home full time, I will truly enjoy it, as will the kids!

Washing up

2010-07-19T18:34:00.007-05:00

Blaise started vacation Bible school today at St Peter's and loved it. He didn't give us many details of what they did, but he's excited to go back tomorrow with his friends Frank and Isaac (another Isaac, not his brother).

On our way home, he told me the van was dirty and needed to be washed. Well, that was true enough. So I put the boys to work. They learned how the clean a car, though they didn't very well figure out how to see a job through to its completion, so much of the cleaning fell on my shoulders while they played... until I got the hose out again to rinse the car. We had a good time, and the boys did a great job.

And why not stop there? Blaise decided his bike needed a bath too, so I have him some clean water and a towel and let him have at it. Here's Blaise taking a short break from washing in order to manually jack up the side of his bike to check that his training wheels are turning well.

Martha, Martha...

2010-07-17T14:09:00.003-05:00

As a way to reflect on the following Sunday's Gospel, I'm going to start to post more often on the Gospel. When I looked up this Sunday's Gospel reading, I was pleased to see it's the reading about Mary and Martha. It's a wonderfully challenging yet simple Gospel.

Luke 10:38-42
Jesus entered a village
where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him.
She had a sister named Mary
who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak.
Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said,
"Lord, do you not care
that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?
Tell her to help me."
The Lord said to her in reply,
"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.
There is need of only one thing.
Mary has chosen the better part
and it will not be taken from her."

"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things." Is this not rampant throughout our society? So many of us are anxious and worried about many things. So many of us are so busy running around doing things, all while thinking about everything else we have yet to do. Constant multitasking - isn't that the work of us women and mothers? Such work needs to be done, but it cannot be the focus of our lives. This life is not about getting stuff done or about being anxious and worried about other things, about what may or may not happen at any point. How many times has Christ said, "Do not be afraid"?

"There is need of only one thing." To sit at His feet, to know Him, to trust Him. Why do we have such difficulty with this? Do we not have a deep desire to know Him more deeply?

Two things I am reflecting on today are our physical busyness, constantly doing something, and the busyness of our brains. It's easy to notice how physically busy we are and how few times we actually sit down to rest in prayer. But what about mental busyness? Do you find that once you do sit down to pray, or while you're in Church, your mind wanders to this or that? To what you have to do, to what your son or daughter just did or will do later that day, to what the person in front of you is wearing or what the little boy three pews in front is doing? It is so difficult to sit with Jesus and listen to Him. We don't know how to stop.

I had read a couple articles in which the internet, for one thing, contributes to this. With all the information quickly available to us, and with how easily we can check email while chatting with someone on facebook, shopping for deals on new shirts, and reading the news, all while thinking about what our next blog post will be, of course our brains are working on overdrive and are being conditioned to do more of that, resulting in our having difficulty slowing down.

I had also been reading an interesting book, Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne, in which, among other things, Payne talks about children becoming overwhelmed by too many toys which offer too many choices, too many activities, complicated schedules, and TV, computers, and other "screens." He offers story after story in which parents have simplified the above and have seen dramatic improvements in their children's behavior. Children can become easily overwhelmed, anxious, and worried about things. And then we want them to develop a relationship with our Lord, and we want them to settle down a bit and behave. Such "too much" is completely antagonistic to our children developing a prayer life.

But what do we do? Our world is now build around cell phones and the internet. Andy and I are "behind the times" for not having reception to our TV and not having a blackberry or other similar device. I would love to simplify completely, but where do we start? And how far do we go? And what do we do with all this stuff?

"Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken from her." No, He will not take it from us, but how many times do we take the opportunity from ourselves?

Lord, please help me to slow down and sit at your feet. Help me to know you and trust you with all things, to feel less anxious about all things. Amen

Gone Fishing

2010-07-17T13:42:00.011-05:00

The boys have been enjoying some fishing lately. They went fishing on a lake with my family and us just over a week ago. Though they didn't catch anything, they had fun.

So Andy went out and bought them fishing poles. Blaise took to casting pretty well.

We went fishing yesterday at a nearby lake with the boys' new fishing poles. Unfortunately, I forgot the camera, but the boys, especially Blaise, had a great time. They each brought in their first fish: Isaac first with a blue gill then Blaise with a sun fish. After that, we must have caught and released 15 more fish, including one small bass.

Return to the beginning

2010-07-15T08:06:00.004-05:00

I started my blog with this prayer: "Mary, I wish to consecrate the writing I do in this blog to you and to your Immaculate Heart, and through you to your Son, Jesus, and His Sacred Heart, for the GLORY OF OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN. Please pray for me and my project and guide my hand as I write."

And I began with this hope and purpose: "While I am not a writer or a theologian by training, I am a writer in that I love to write and rarely feel more alive than when I do write. And I am a theologian in that I love to study about God and to pray. I am one of those crazy people that learn the most through writing, especially when that writing is done in prayer and contemplation. And I feel that God has placed the desire to learn about Him and the desire to write on my heart. I hope that He will bless my efforts to praise Him through the use of the gifts He has given me and that He will help me to develop those gifts through their continued use so that I am able to give Him all the more glory.... [And] I believe I have [been given] a special gift in knowing the need to surrender and rely on our Heavenly Father and the the hope and joy that can result from doing just that. As I continue to write and pray, I hope I can continue to learn to surrender to Him and trust Him always more. And I hope to share my experiences with others... who wish to grow further in faith."

Those words were written on 1/20/09 and 1/21/09. In the last 1 1/2 years, I have deviated too often from what I originally set out to do with my blog. I have turned it into a place to complain about my current situation (which is not so bad in that God has given me SO MUCH to be thankful for) rather than a place to give our Lord glory. I have allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, rather than grateful. I have focused on myself rather than on Him, and clinged to some semblance of control rather than surrendering to Him. Unfortunately, these changes in my blog have reflected changes in my life as well. I must return to my original prayer, my original hope, my original purpose, in writing this blog, or give the blog up.

I also like how many of my blogging friends have used their blogs to beautifully document events in their family life, and the beauty of their children and what their children do. So I hope to make that a portion of my blog as well.

My blogging (and following other blogs) may continue to be sporatic, as I also do not want it to take away from the time I do have with my husband and boys. Speaking of which, my boys are asking me to play with them...

So I offer this brief prayer: Lord, help me and all of us bloggers to give you glory through the words we write and the topics we choose. May we grow closer to you. And may the relationships we develop while blogging and in life reflect our growing relationship with you. Amen.