Persistence and assertiveness
Andy (my hubbie), the two boys, and I were praying tonight before the boys' bedtime. Blaise (3 1/2 years) made it through all 5 prayers beautifully, to his credit, but showed his stubborn side... uh, his assertive side... during the "God bless"-es. We said "God bless Blaise, God bless Isaac, God bless Daddy, God bless Mommy," and as we were getting to "God bless Grandma and Grandpa W and ... A," Blaise interrupted and said, "No I want say Mommy Daddy again." So we started over with "God bless"-es. Then he did it again. The first 3 or 4 times were fine. After all, I can use all the prayers I can get. But by the 5th or 6th time, I knew I would need more prayers than he was going to give me if I let that continue on. So we gave him a warning that if he continued to whine.. uh, act so dramatically... he wouldn't get "Grandma's song." He continued to be assertive. So I finished the prayers and said goodnight. Blaise continued whine and cry upstairs despite our insistence that he go to sleep, displaying his healthy persistence.
So I am trying to remind myself that Blaise enjoys prayer, likes togetherness with his mom and dad, is able to persist in the face of adversity, and is assertive and dramatic, rather than focusing on his stubbornness, whininess, and relentlessness. I have just started to read a book by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka called Raising your Spirited Child. The first two chapters are about labels and their affect on our views of our children and their views of themselves and on how we treat them and how they behave, especially with a strong-willed child, such as Blaise. It is interesting to reflect on how our choice of words, even when not spoken aloud, can affect our interactions with our children... especially the sensitive ones. So I am trying to be more positive and can see a difference in the amount of patience I have for him, and I may be seeing a difference in his behavior as well... or maybe I'm imagining it, which is ok since that also gives me a more positive perspective on Blaise's behavior.
So I am trying to remind myself that Blaise enjoys prayer, likes togetherness with his mom and dad, is able to persist in the face of adversity, and is assertive and dramatic, rather than focusing on his stubbornness, whininess, and relentlessness. I have just started to read a book by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka called Raising your Spirited Child. The first two chapters are about labels and their affect on our views of our children and their views of themselves and on how we treat them and how they behave, especially with a strong-willed child, such as Blaise. It is interesting to reflect on how our choice of words, even when not spoken aloud, can affect our interactions with our children... especially the sensitive ones. So I am trying to be more positive and can see a difference in the amount of patience I have for him, and I may be seeing a difference in his behavior as well... or maybe I'm imagining it, which is ok since that also gives me a more positive perspective on Blaise's behavior.
Comments
An old friend of mine used to say the child giving her the most...challenges for the day, got to spend lots of time at her side. This was not punishment, just a chance to be near. (I think a lot of people call this "tomato staking.") The wisdom is that the child is trying to get attention and in spending time in close quarters with Mommy is getting LOTS of attention.
Which reminds me--I need to do that more.
Peace,
Julie
What you said about the "challenging" child spending lots of time by his/her mother's side makes sense. I've tried that a bit, and for whatever reason, Blaise seems be able to calm himself down in his room better than I'm able to do, unless he is beyond the point where he can do that himself, in which case he needs to be held and rocked and spend time at my side. And since he can calm himself down, I want to encourage that :) as it's a good skill for him to have.
How interesting that any two "strong-willed"/"high spirited"/"independent thinking" children can be so different! Wouldn't it be nice if a text book/manual could be written on raising these kids?
Blessings to you!
Kim
How awesome that you praye with your little ones at night! I was raised in a family that prayed that way - and the results of how Mom and Dad raised us echo on thru today even though that was many, many moons ago!
Cheerio!
Maria