Lessons I've Learned on my Journey through Depression and Anxiety: Part 6

I want to expand on something I was writing in the first part of this series: the gift of suffering.

St. Teresa of Avila, it is said, complained to Jesus one day of multiple hardships she was suffering. To that, Jesus said to her, "Teresa, that's how I treat my friends." Teresa quickly answered, "No wonder You have so few friends."

God does allow us all to suffer hardships and challenges. It may not seem right that He does not protect those of us who are doing our best to follow in His Ways from such difficulties. It may not seem right that He does not treat His friends better or that He does allow "bad things to happen to good people." But there is a gift to be found through enduring hardships and challenges, a gift that God wants so very much to share with His friends. If life was always easy and we were able to just cruise through our days, we would miss out on that precious gift.

A friend of mine from college very recently lost her nearly-3-year-old daughter to a sudden illness. In the words of a mutual friend, "She is by far the nicest, most kind, unselfish, hardworking person I know." Why did this happen to her and her daughter, of all people? Yet, she is demonstrating the most amazing faith and grace during this difficult time. She is an inspiration to me in dealing with such a devastating blow, and I'm sure she is an inspiration to others as well. I'm also quite sure she will grow through this experience and that the experience will draw her family and herself even closer to God.

We hear on the news of natural disasters, whether it be tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, or earthquakes, as well as disasters inflicted by one human on others, such as school and theater shootings. What devastation. What heartache. Yet, in the midst of that, stories come out of people helping and comforting each other, of beautiful testaments to forgiveness and to faith, of courage, of generosity. And behind the scenes, people are growing in their generosity and charity, in their ability to survive and even thrive under difficult conditions, in their appreciation for what they do have and for the people who are with them, in their faith and hope in God.

I have been going through some old papers, trying to organize and pack for an eventual move. On reading through a few things I had written four, five, and six years ago, I am amazed at the growth I have gone through as a direct result of my move to a new, unknown town, my miscarriages, and my sudden anxiety. I am left absolutely awed and grateful for having had those experiences, for they have taught me a great deal. I have something now that I certainly did not have then. I have very distinct sense of the difference, but it is difficult to put words to it - faith, hope, peace, and joy are words I would use if I were to try to explain it. I can see more clearly the growth that has already happened and see that I am continuing on that path and that growth is continuing and will continue. Going through these many difficult moments and difficult years has been a challenge, and, for long stretches of time, I couldn't see the way to the end of the suffering; yet, looking back - and looking forward now - I can see that it has all been worthwhile. I wouldn't want to be back where I had been, but I certainly am grateful I was there.

That is how God treats His friends. Yes, we suffer. Everyone suffers - some more visably, some more internally. But it is what we do with that suffering that matters. If we give our suffering to Him, our suffering is never in vain. There is always good that comes from the difficulties we go through. Always. 

God can see what is ahead of us and what He is doing in our lives so much more clearly than we can. He can see everything, while, if we're lucky, we can see the next one step we need to take. Often times, we are going through life completely blindly. But God knows the way, and He sees the end of our present suffering. He sees the glorious results of His grace working in us through that suffering.

I have believed with all my heart for some time that suffering brings with in an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to grow closer to God and to become a more faith-filled, more hopeful, more joyful person. Suffering presents an opportunity for God to work in our lives, to show us His power and love and the beauty of His plan. It gives us the reason to open our hearts and lives to Him - to realize our need and reliance on Him - and to surrender ourselves to His loving grace.

And if we take that opportunity and give ourselves over to Him, even in the midst of frustration, anger, resentment, despair, or anxiety, we will be amazed by what He does with us and in us. That is how God treats His friends. 

Presented with suffering of any kind, we have the choice to allow ourselves to fall into frustration, anger, despair, or unneeded worry, or to fall onto the grace of God. If we do make the choice to fall on the grace of God, that doesn't guarantee we won't experience some of those negative emotions. But if we continue to make that choice, God will bring us through them, to the other side, better off than we had been before. If we allow ourselves to fall the other way, we will likely be caught up, instead, in those negative emotions and negative attitudes. 

God will never force Himself on us; we must choose Him and choose His way. This is difficult when we can't see the end result. We must make the effort, again and again, to step out in faith, knowing that, though we can't see it, the end result will be something amazing - something better than we can imagine. God would have it no other way for us, His beloved. 

God wants nothing less than for us to experience His amazing love, joy, and peace. He won't settle to give us any less than that. But the condition of our humanity, of our sin, is that we are blind to it - we are separated from it and from Him. From that standpoint, then, suffering of any kind, including anxiety and depression, is a gift. It's a gift that God uses to open our eyes, to bridge that separation, to induce us to reach out to Him in our need and to choose Him so that He can fill our hearts with His love, joy, and peace, so that He can draw us closer to Himself. That's what He has done and continues to do for me. That is what He is doing for my friend who recently lost her beautiful daughter. That is what He does for His friends. I am grateful and blessed, then, that He considers me to be a friend.

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