Blessings in Disguise

I've had a difficult several months and have been through a range of emotions and am now left with pretty substantial anxiety and am beginning to feel depressed as well, perhaps because I've been dealing with all this just too long. I'm left with questions such as "does God want me to be suffering anxiety?" I'm learning to pray and rely on Him, though I have not done as well today, but could He have put this in my path so that I would rely on Him and strengthen my hope and reliance on Him? But today, I wonder if the devil is trying to use this to draw me away from God.

I've been hesitating to say anything as I don't want you to feel sorry for me, but I do need some prayers please. Including that if God wants me to go on an antidepressant, that I will and that it will help quickly.

But I also know that it is in suffering that Christ brings us closer to Him, and that closeness with Him increases our joy. And I pray that at the end of this, I will find myself closer with Him than I was before. Before the onset of this anxiety, I certainly was feeling that was the case; I believe after this is settled down, I will once again find that to be the case, and I hope I will know even better the deep seated joy that defies all reason.

Comments

Holly Rutchik said…
What an honest post, Kim. You have been through so much this year! sooo much, and on top of that you were/are holding other crosses in your life as your family (and you) work extra hard to get Andy through school. I too think the Devil goes after us when we are weary and have a heavey cross. he is smart, that devil. But I too feel that I come out closer to God. I don't think he WANTS us to live with anxiety - but I do beleive it is a cross some of us have been given. If you think there is a chance meds could help, go for it! You can always go off. You are a great women/wife/mother and you have had a really hard year. You are strong and want nothing more than to love God and your family. Everything you do is in efforts to be holy, and that is what God wants!
I'm praying for you and think you are doing a great job!
January 26, 2011 at 1:25 AM
Sarah said…
Thank you for your honesty. I know too well how anxiety can threaten and hinder my relationship with Christ and with others as well.
I will keep up prayers for you and that you be given peace and joy once again as you are drawn closer to Him.
Blessings!
January 26, 2011 at 7:07 AM
Katie said…
I echo all that has already been said. Christ will keep you close to Him as you suffer in this way, and no matter what it takes to make it manageable, I am confident that you will always remain in His arms. Soon, hopefully, you will truly "feel" His loving embrace instead of feeling anxious.
January 26, 2011 at 9:50 AM
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