Falling on His Grace

Before I write more, I want to give a brief explanation as to where I am coming from. I have a passion for suffering. Not that I like suffering. I don't. In fact, I can be quite a baby when it comes to any sort of suffering. But I love what God does with it. I love how God uses it, and because of Him, I love suffering. I have a passion for moving through life with our eyes fixed on Jesus, choosing to live in joy no matter how we may feel or what is happening. Unfortunately, I have often failed in my attempts at doing this. Sometimes I feel so discouraged I simply can't seem to raise my eyes to Him. But I love how He works in me when He is the focus of my gaze and of my life. I love how my life simply makes sense in those times. And I love to love Him. My passion for suffering and for what God does with it is borne of my experience with longstanding anxiety, depression, insomnia, fatigue, and brain fog. I've certainly had my difficult moments through which I deeply str...

Jesus came to earth to teach us about God and to show us the love of the Father, to forgive our sins, and to redeem and reconcile us to Himself. He came to be Love Incarnate. Good Friday is an especially good day to remember and meditate upon this. It is a day to unite ourselves to Him for that purpose. Jesus also came to earth to sanctify suffering. He took on a human form and was born a baby, of a woman. Our God lived life on this earth in a human body for thirty three years and immersed Himself in the human experience. For this reason, "God, too, knows exactly how it feels to be cold, or tired, or hungry, or sore with pain, because he, too, has had a body. He has spent long hours, for years at a time, doing the routine and unspectacular work of a carpenter, has walked long days over dusty roads with tired feet, has curled his shoulders against the night air or a chill rain, has been without sleep while others slept, has been thirsty and hot and weary and ready to drop from ...

As we are forced to step back from our lives due to Coronavirus and social distancing, other problems may arise or surface, or difficulties that we had had before may be complicated, causing us uneasiness or anxiety or forcing us to deal with feelings and situations we'd prefer not to deal with. Whether the Coronavirus or another problem, any time we're thrust into a difficult situation or have a trial put in our hands, we may wonder why or wish for it to just go away and for life to return to normal. In turning to God, we may ask that of Him: "Lord, please fix this. Please take it away." There are times, however, that a trial is necessary or beneficial. We read in this last Sunday's Gospel a story about a grown man who had been blind since birth, sitting and begging for money and food. We don't know how old this man was nor how long he had been begging. We don't know how often He had wished he could see, wished that this blindness would be taken away ...

My husband told me the song "It's the End of the World as We Know It" is back on the charts. It seems appropriate as the world is changing, and there could be more changes ahead of us. At this time, there are both the familiar - in the seasons and outdoors, in the family we have gathered around us, and in the conveniences we have in our home - and the unfamiliar - restaurants, theaters, and some stores being closed, children home from school, keeping our distance from friends. And there's the unknown; there's navigating the unknown waters and new ill-understood and ill-defined social norms. Do I let my kids play with friends, limiting it to two or three total? Do we go to stores to buy essentials? Am I putting my family's and my life in danger by doing seemingly innocuous, everyday things? A friend made the comment that she feels as if the world is hanging on by a thread. This time we are in can certainly give that impression. For some, including her, this q...

Oftentimes the most difficult thing about having anxiety or depression, or having insomnia, brain fog, and fatigue is the never-ending battle. Nearly every day is a fight, a battle. Some days the battle is fairly small; some days it is an epic battle. Paul reminds us to "persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God. Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart" (Hebrews 12: 1-3).   This life, this battle, feels like a race - like an ultra marathon, or rather like ultra marathon, after ultra marathon, after ultra marathon.... Some days I just want to stop running. I just want to curl up next to the side of the road or perhaps walk off the track and make my own direction - a direction that s...

The nature of my life is such that it does not allow me to sit and write with any regularity, yet writing is something that gives me joy. I keep trying to come back to it. I find, right now, that I am a bit out of practice - but I cannot get back into practice without practicing, right? So, here I go, albeit imperfectly and without trying my hand at a finished product or anywhere near there. I will be publishing rough here, and I will make no apologies for it. I am what I am right now, and what I am is tired and harried. Last week, I gave a talk at a church about my experience with anxiety, depression, and fatigue. It was my first talk... perhaps ever. I was surprised how well received it was. I fell blessed to have been able to share several things in that talk. Many, many things have been on my mind, and I have been impatiently waiting to put them out there. My talk was no where near perfect; I read a rough draft to those gathered, having been sick for about 5 days leading up to ...