On Perseverance
Oftentimes the most difficult thing about having anxiety or depression, or having insomnia, brain fog, and fatigue is the never-ending battle. Nearly every day is a fight, a battle. Some days the battle is fairly small; some days it is an epic battle.
Paul reminds us to "persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God. Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart" (Hebrews 12: 1-3).
This life, this battle, feels like a race - like an ultra marathon, or rather like ultra marathon, after ultra marathon, after ultra marathon.... Some days I just want to stop running. I just want to curl up next to the side of the road or perhaps walk off the track and make my own direction - a direction that seems as if it would be easier.
Jesus also ran a race. Yes, there was a more defined beginning and end to this particular race I'm speaking of, but I'm sure it felt as if it was unending at times. In His race, He was beaten down, mocked, made to carry something too heavy for Him, and fell several times yet rose again before being stripped and, absolutely worn down and with no fight left in Him, nailed to a cross - trapped with no escape and carrying the weight of all our sins. Yet, "for the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross.... Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart."
He gave us His example, that we "may not grow weary and lose heart," and we must follow, "for the sake of the joy that lay before" us all. It does not always feel as if there is joy that lay ahead. I'm sure it did not feel that way for Jesus, though He knew, and we now know, that there was. We are also called, like Him, to persevere in that race.
There is blessing in the struggles. There is depth of relationship with Him. There is indeed joy and great hope. There will be an end - and a beginning of something greater. But that something greater cannot just be given. We work out our salvation with God while on this earth.
As a sword is forged in fire or gold refined, we also become stronger and our impurities washed away in the fire of our battles. Our reliance on ourselves is melted away to reveal a beautiful reliance on God. Our dependence on our own apparent strength and our realization of our great weakness is forged into a reliance on God's strength. Illusions of a dream of a great life here on earth give way to the desire to be with God and to have a relationship with Him over and above anything here.
We learn to rejoice in the struggle and to see beauty and gift in it. Our human nature tells us that pain and struggle are bad. We must learn to see the blessing in it. The struggle is sanctifying.
There is a beauty in the rawness of brokenness. There is a vulnerability. When we are whole, we can be prideful; we can take care of ourselves. We are not in need, not broken open, and have no need to be vulnerable. When we are broken, we realize our weakness and littleness. We realize our need for God, and our need for God is beautiful. The vulnerability we must adopt is beautiful. We are empty. We realize that we need Him - and He takes care of us when we put ourselves in His hands.
Later in Hebrews 12, Paul says, "You have also forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons:
It is discipline also to walk in faith through the trials and battles, to pray day after day. It is discipline to persevere in the face of our crosses and difficulties - to persist and endure.
Another great passage from St. Paul is found in Romans: "...we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5).
Afflictions produce endurance. In our trials, we learn to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep running, our eyes on Christ and our strength in Him. Just as an ultra marathon runner cannot train and develop endurance, we cannot train in faith and reliance on God and develop endurance through this life except by being tested and pushed. In developing these things, our character becomes proven. We learn to stand on faith and continue unwaveringly, with that foundation, in all circumstances. Within the framework of life, we learn to act with various virtues and characteristics such as generosity and thoughtfulness, knowing that there are more important things than the avoidance of pain.
Proven character produces hope. We develop a certainty within our faith, knowing we can endure. A certainty in hope, in that which is not seen but which we know is there - in God, who is unshakable in all circumstances. This hope does not disappoint for God Himself does not disappoint and pours Himself, by way of the Holy Spirit, into our hearts and into our lives, being intimately involved in our lives as we lean on Him.
Paul reminds us to "persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God. Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart" (Hebrews 12: 1-3).
This life, this battle, feels like a race - like an ultra marathon, or rather like ultra marathon, after ultra marathon, after ultra marathon.... Some days I just want to stop running. I just want to curl up next to the side of the road or perhaps walk off the track and make my own direction - a direction that seems as if it would be easier.
Jesus also ran a race. Yes, there was a more defined beginning and end to this particular race I'm speaking of, but I'm sure it felt as if it was unending at times. In His race, He was beaten down, mocked, made to carry something too heavy for Him, and fell several times yet rose again before being stripped and, absolutely worn down and with no fight left in Him, nailed to a cross - trapped with no escape and carrying the weight of all our sins. Yet, "for the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross.... Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart."
He gave us His example, that we "may not grow weary and lose heart," and we must follow, "for the sake of the joy that lay before" us all. It does not always feel as if there is joy that lay ahead. I'm sure it did not feel that way for Jesus, though He knew, and we now know, that there was. We are also called, like Him, to persevere in that race.
There is blessing in the struggles. There is depth of relationship with Him. There is indeed joy and great hope. There will be an end - and a beginning of something greater. But that something greater cannot just be given. We work out our salvation with God while on this earth.
As a sword is forged in fire or gold refined, we also become stronger and our impurities washed away in the fire of our battles. Our reliance on ourselves is melted away to reveal a beautiful reliance on God. Our dependence on our own apparent strength and our realization of our great weakness is forged into a reliance on God's strength. Illusions of a dream of a great life here on earth give way to the desire to be with God and to have a relationship with Him over and above anything here.
We learn to rejoice in the struggle and to see beauty and gift in it. Our human nature tells us that pain and struggle are bad. We must learn to see the blessing in it. The struggle is sanctifying.
There is a beauty in the rawness of brokenness. There is a vulnerability. When we are whole, we can be prideful; we can take care of ourselves. We are not in need, not broken open, and have no need to be vulnerable. When we are broken, we realize our weakness and littleness. We realize our need for God, and our need for God is beautiful. The vulnerability we must adopt is beautiful. We are empty. We realize that we need Him - and He takes care of us when we put ourselves in His hands.
Later in Hebrews 12, Paul says, "You have also forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons:
'My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by him; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges.' Endure your trials as 'discipline'; God treats you as sons. For what 'son' is there whom his father does not discipline?... He does so for our benefit, in
order that we may share his holiness. At the time, all
discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings
the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it."
We endure our trials as discipline that we may share in His holiness, that the training we receive by it brings us to righteousness in God. Without the refinement of discipline, we will remain selfish, prideful beings who seek only pleasure and rely on our own understanding and ability. Discipline seems to be a cause for pain at the time, as Paul says, but as we learn to humbly seek God and rely on Him, living in accordance with His ways and with the nature He gave us, it becomes a cause for joy.
It is discipline also to walk in faith through the trials and battles, to pray day after day. It is discipline to persevere in the face of our crosses and difficulties - to persist and endure.
Another great passage from St. Paul is found in Romans: "...we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5).
Afflictions produce endurance. In our trials, we learn to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep running, our eyes on Christ and our strength in Him. Just as an ultra marathon runner cannot train and develop endurance, we cannot train in faith and reliance on God and develop endurance through this life except by being tested and pushed. In developing these things, our character becomes proven. We learn to stand on faith and continue unwaveringly, with that foundation, in all circumstances. Within the framework of life, we learn to act with various virtues and characteristics such as generosity and thoughtfulness, knowing that there are more important things than the avoidance of pain.
Proven character produces hope. We develop a certainty within our faith, knowing we can endure. A certainty in hope, in that which is not seen but which we know is there - in God, who is unshakable in all circumstances. This hope does not disappoint for God Himself does not disappoint and pours Himself, by way of the Holy Spirit, into our hearts and into our lives, being intimately involved in our lives as we lean on Him.
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