Today was one of those days that God must have been hitting me over the head. The question is, what is He trying to teach me? Perhaps that I need to hand over to Him my desire to have another child and the timing of that wonderful event.
Today should have been my due date, I believe. I miscarried a child in early February. Also, today, I took a pregnancy test and found out I am not pregnant, though I thought I likely was. And today, my in-laws invited us over for dinner, and also invited my sister and brother-in-law, who are expecting their next baby, due tomorrow. And this week, Thursday, my miscarried baby will finally be buried along with other miscarried babies.
I believe God is telling me, through this, that I'm not ready, and my family is not ready, to accept another child just yet. We have too many things to do, too many transitions, before we can accept another life. If I was to have a child right now or in May, it would be difficult - probably more difficult than I realize. Andy graduates in May and will have to (hopefully) transition into a full time job once again. Perhaps we will have to move, depending on where his job is. And I will be transitioning (hopefully) into full time motherhood (!!). And the boys will be getting used to summer break in early June - a transition harder for kindergartners and preschoolers than for middle and highschoolers.
But I do hope God does not plan to make me wait until all that has occurred before He allows a new life to grow within me. But He does know best. And I will learn to accept and be grateful for whatever He has planned. My good friend Katie had a great idea... in the meantime, I will offer up my waiting for a healthy pregnancy and baby someday, for my ability to stay home before the baby arrives, and for a good transition for all of us into having three children. And I'll offer up today and perhaps a few more days for my sister-in-law and her 2 1/2 year old, baby, and husband.
Today should have been my due date, I believe. I miscarried a child in early February. Also, today, I took a pregnancy test and found out I am not pregnant, though I thought I likely was. And today, my in-laws invited us over for dinner, and also invited my sister and brother-in-law, who are expecting their next baby, due tomorrow. And this week, Thursday, my miscarried baby will finally be buried along with other miscarried babies.
I believe God is telling me, through this, that I'm not ready, and my family is not ready, to accept another child just yet. We have too many things to do, too many transitions, before we can accept another life. If I was to have a child right now or in May, it would be difficult - probably more difficult than I realize. Andy graduates in May and will have to (hopefully) transition into a full time job once again. Perhaps we will have to move, depending on where his job is. And I will be transitioning (hopefully) into full time motherhood (!!). And the boys will be getting used to summer break in early June - a transition harder for kindergartners and preschoolers than for middle and highschoolers.
But I do hope God does not plan to make me wait until all that has occurred before He allows a new life to grow within me. But He does know best. And I will learn to accept and be grateful for whatever He has planned. My good friend Katie had a great idea... in the meantime, I will offer up my waiting for a healthy pregnancy and baby someday, for my ability to stay home before the baby arrives, and for a good transition for all of us into having three children. And I'll offer up today and perhaps a few more days for my sister-in-law and her 2 1/2 year old, baby, and husband.
Comments
PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do to help you out as this week looks like it is guaranteed to be emotional.
If I can do nothing else besides pray for you, I would also like to add this: Your dear one up in heaven is interceding for you and your family up in heaven. What a joy it is, though sad that you cannot hold your baby in your arms, that your child is always in your heart AND also in the eternal presence of God!!!
Love you, dear!!
I had a very hard week last month the when I was due, and, same as you, I got my period on my due date when I was kinda hoping to be preggo. I will be praying for you and I am here for you love!!