Falling on His Grace

I have to admit, I have been struggling quite a bit lately, off and on, mostly on, this winter and spring. I feel like I give and give... I give the my patients at work then I come home and give to two toddler boys. And I feel bad because after work I am either too exhausted to give to the boys or just simply don't feel like it. Everyone tells me I'm a good mother, but inside, I know I short change them. At work, people come to see me looking for answers. Why do they hurt? Why can't they do this or that? What is wrong with their shoulder, knee, back, etc? What can they do to get better? When is it going to get better? Overall, I like to answer these questions. It's like putting together a puzzle... like a mystery that needs to be solved. I enjoy being analytical. But sometimes I can't come up with the solutions. And I know that's ok. And sometimes I get tired of being so analytical. Sometimes I get tired of hearing about other people's pain.

It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts you most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal. -Pope John Paul II at World Youth Day, Rome 2000 (quoted in Theology of the Body for Teens, Ascension Press, p 14)

Please forgive me that this post is not timely. I should have posted it this morning. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I keep the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body also rests secure. For you do not give me up to Sheol, or let your faithful one see the Pit. You show me the path of life. In Your presence there is fullness of joy; in Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:7-11) This Sunday, Laetare Sunday , marks approximately the halfway point as we journey through our desert experience of Lent. During Lent, we do well to keep in mind that we are a people in need of redemption. We are people in need of the grace of God since, left only to our own devices, we would likely fall deep into sin. And no matter who we are, without

The boys had finished their bath, and it was time for them to get out. The problem, of course, is that they did not think it was time to get out. I had already given the two-minute warning ("Two minutes until you get out") about 5 minutes earlier. Me: Time to get out. Who wants to get out first? Blaise (3 1/2): Isaac does! (points to his younger brother) Isaac (2, and unable to say Blaise's name, so he regularly calls him Isaac): Isaac! (points to Blaise) Blaise: No, Isaac! (points to Isaac) Isaac: Isaac! (points to Blaise) etc, etc. Me: Alright, Isaac, you first. (I scoop up the real Isaac since Blaise is being more insistent than he is and since Isaac is usually the more happy-go-lucky one. He more often than Blaise gets the short end of the deal for that reason, I'm sure.) Still me, to Isaac: You can pick which towel. Do you want to be a puppy or a froggy? He quickly picks the favored puppy with the big floppy ears. Blaise, jumping out of the tub: No, I wan

How do I further customize the layout/colors/wallpaper on my blog beyond using the sample layouts Blogger gives us? Is there a good way or a good place to look for pictures to accompany my posts? Are there any other fun things I can do with the look of my blog, or any other advice on attracting readers to my blog? Thanks in advance!

I started Lent giving up complaining. Lately, I have had a greater tendency than usual to complain, whether with my words, with my actions, or with my simply moaping around and general impatience. I can't say giving up complaining is always easy, especially when the boys acted up during Mass on Sunday and completely zapped my energy... is that complaining? I hope not! Let's see... they were teaching me patience and love. And they also afforded me an excuse to go back to church to pray that afternoon, since I needed to let go of my frustration. Thank you, God, for difficult children! As you can see, this is not easy for me, but I am TRYING! But I gave Christ an inch in this, and when you give Him an inch... He'll make use of it! He is teaching me not only to not complain about my circumstances but to instead find JOY within them. He is teaching me not to look for the hassles and difficulties of my life but to instead look for the ways in which He is present in my li

Tonight, I asked Blaise, 3 1/2, if he wanted to read a book before bed. So he picked up his Thomas computer and a book and sat on my lap, handing me the book. He turned on the computer and started playing. He insisted that I read the book as he was playing his games. He would look over at the pictures as I finished each page then turned back to his computer. Is this what he sees Andy and me doing? What am I teaching the boys with all the multi-tasking? To be as busy and constantly working as what I am? I was talking with one of my patients today. He grew up "before the war," as he says. Things were simpler then, he tells me. People went visiting after church on Sundays. They had 10 cows rather than 200 or rather than jobs with long hours, and they spent their time after dinner sitting around and talking or playing cards around the lamp until they decided to turn it off. People were not so busy. They kept in touch. They knew their neighbors. There was not so muc

As a mom, I wish to give all I can to my kids. But sometimes they take it all from me before I can give it to them, draining every last ounce of energy from me. I wonder if this is how Christ felt as he hung on the cross. But, unlike me, He gives of Himself so willingly and unreservedly, no matter how much we continue to take. Yet, I need to remember that I am not God. I do not have an unlimited supply of patience or energy; I need to continually allow Him to refill me so that I can continue to give, and to give so lovingly as Christ gives to us. Depression often occurs when we look to the things of this world for our happiness rather than looking to God for our joy; when we look through eyes expecting to meet hassles and difficulties rather than through eyes expecting to see the works and grace of God; when we look to ourselves to provide the answers rather than looking with trust and confidence to God for all we need. My hope is in the joy I find in giving all to Christ and in l

I've had several wonderful replies to my last post, and so I'd like to follow up with them. My wonderful friend, Katie, said in her reply: "I have one thought regarding your points 3-7: all these are factors which can (but not always) affect brain chemistry. I think that what keeps these factors into play is that our society acts as though or believes that there is no sense in suffering; that nothing can be learned or gained from it. As a result, the first response is to medicate to change the chemical imbalances and naturally working to adjust the chemical imbalances or deficiencies is completely overlooked because it takes effort, time, and discipline. (examples of naturally changing brain chemistry: changing behaviors, eating habits, thinking patterns, etc.)" I completely agree. I do believe, primarily through experience (so correct me if you know otherwise), that stress from such things as being too busy, expecting too much, trying to do too much, having too man

A friend of mine had several ladies over to her house last Wednesday evening. It was a very enjoyable time. While there, I caught the tail-end of a conversation about Prozac and other antidepressants, as a group, being the most-prescribed type of medication in the U.S. Having chronic depression myself, I have often wondered why depression and anxiety are so common in our society and have been thinking about that again since Wednesday. While there may be a link between a chemical deficiency in the brain and depression or anxiety, I have a difficult time believing that is the primary reason for such a large number of cases of depression and anxiety, and I wonder if a chemical deficiency may be often caused by the stressors our society daily subjects us to. Just in brainstorming on this topic, here are some of my thoughts as to what contributes to the large numbers of people with depression: 1) Lack of faith in God. This is a theme that will come up in many of my arguments. As a so

The boys are in bed, so now I can concentrate just on folding laundry and writing my post, though my husband is also trying to hold a conversation with me about the old "whaz up?" Bud comercials. Don't worry, I'm not neglecting him. :) Since I was at a pond HOCKEY tournament taking pictures of the team as the "official" photographer, I should probably include some action shots in my collage of pictures. In no particular order: Hopefully it wasn't too painfully obvious who my favorite subject is for my pictures. The number of pictures for each player was actually mostly even, though I think my husband's pictures overall turned out better than the others, and I don't believe I did that on purpose. Of course, I am a bit partial to pictures of my husband. I'll admit it. :) Just a bit more history on his team, just in case anyone is wondering what RC stands for, etc. They came together as fans of a local college hockey team. They and other

It's been a while since I've posted, mostly because I've been busy but not really with anything worthy of posting about. I am, however, discovering that I need to take more time for myself, in prayer or in quiet, to keep my sanity amidst the busy-ness of working and home life, taking care of others constantly in both places. I have a bit stressed and anxiety-filled for the last two weeks. Though I have been busy, I do plan to continue my blog, posting and reading your blogs, as often as I am able. Please continue to check back. As I wrote a couple weeks ago, I will post a few of the pictures I had taken at the pond hockey tournament my husband and his team participated in. Apparently, I took 2200 pictures. My husband's friend weeded them down to 615. Here are a couple of my more favorite ones (though I do not have the time to go through 615 pictures at the moment, before the 2 year old wakes up, and amidst folding laundry and keeping a 3 1/2 year old adequately sa