On my week as a "stay-at-home" mom
Not sure what to say about my week at home. But I feel like I should say something since staying at home is what I am SO looking forward to. So I will write just a few observations.
1. I'm more tired than I thought I'd be. I know staying at home is hard, and so I was partially expecting it. But I didn't think it would be so exhausting getting things done around the house. I had a list for the week: laundry, wash the kitchen floor, and clean the bathrooms. And keep up on dishes. Oh, and several phone calls. The laundry and dishes were not a big deal, but the day that I cleaned the kitchen floor and the day I cleaned the bathrooms did not go well at all. When I would just hang out with the boys, things went well, but as soon as I would try to check anything off my list or spend any amount of time in another room, the whining and clinging started. I would just sit and spend all day with the boys if I could, but then the house would be in shambles.
2. I still have a lot of work to do with Blaise, my older son, though I'm not sure if I would just be spinning my wheels. His mood can flip so quickly. And our days are so dependent on his moods. He's the reason I couldn't get anything done at home; Isaac honestly isn't so whiny and clingy. I'm thinking about feeding him more peanuts, which sounds silly, except that I read that peanuts contain tryptophan, which is a precursor to serotonin, and I refuse to even consider giving a 5 year old antidepressants, though I do think he's got some depression already. Poor kiddo. Perhaps increasing his serotonin levels will help him. He is such a wonderful child. He is so helpful; one of these days, I will post pictures of him helping me this week. After Andy came home Wed, Blaise and I organized the shoes in our closet in a couple of cardboard shoe racks and also set up the TV and movies on a small desk we got from my parents, among other things. He was a great help with both and felt so proud. Perhaps part of the problem is my own impatience and depressed feelings; Sometimes I just want to get stuff done rather than having him help me. Although his helping me clean the bathrooms this morning is what set off our bad day; he apparently has a sensitivity to the bathroom cleaner I was using and had a headache for the better part of the day after that - which for him also means crabbiness for the better part of the day. I don't know what to do about him.
3. I am dreading going back to work. I don't think I'm the physical therapist I... well, maybe the problem is that I don't have the desire to be a good PT anymore. I do my best while I'm there, but I don't have confidence in my abilities... I have been faced with some tougher cases lately, but I also see my coworkers with patients and truly am not the PT they are. And I don't care; I just want to be done. I wish I had never went into PT. Though, as God does, He has used this for good. I have more confidence in talking with people and taking charge in relationships than I used to. At one point, I made a list of 5-10 ways I have grown by being a PT; but I can't remember any of the other points now. Two weeks ago, a patient of mine hit the nail on the head when he thanked me for having the patience with him and my other patients; he said it must be hard to maintain that level of patience. Well, honestly, it's all a show on most days. I started to notice my losing patience with Andy and the kids more often than I used to about six months ago. More recently, I have little patience for my patients or coworkers at work. I just want to be left alone and not have so many people depending on me, too often. I am the "authority figure" for my patients at work; they come to me with their pain and problems and look to me to show them how to fix it. Then I come home and am asked to do everything for the kids (Andy helps a lot). I usually enjoy scratching Andy's back at night, but too often that just seems like one more thing. I'm an introvert. I need my time, but the bike rides I go on, going to Church to pray, and talking with understanding friends just doesn't seem to be enough sometimes. I dread going back to work because I just want to focus on one aspect of my life for a while - and my family will not go away, nor do I want them to, so the other option is work - and it frustrates me that, as Andy often reminds me, that is not an option right now. Though in a year it will likely be an option.
4. I admire homeschoolers, but I don't think I will be able to do that, especially not with Blaise. If Blaise and I didn't but heads so often, I may still consider it. Perhaps someday I'll think about it again. For now, we've got 4 great Catholic schools in the area that we will be considering.
5. The boys and I are not good at staying home all day. Perhaps because Blaise gets bored, or perhaps because I find too many things that need to be done.
I hope this post did not come off as my just complaining. Yesterday, I would have been singing the praises of being able to stay at home all week. Today is another day. But I'm still glad I was able to be home this week; it was a blessing to be allowed that opportunity.
1. I'm more tired than I thought I'd be. I know staying at home is hard, and so I was partially expecting it. But I didn't think it would be so exhausting getting things done around the house. I had a list for the week: laundry, wash the kitchen floor, and clean the bathrooms. And keep up on dishes. Oh, and several phone calls. The laundry and dishes were not a big deal, but the day that I cleaned the kitchen floor and the day I cleaned the bathrooms did not go well at all. When I would just hang out with the boys, things went well, but as soon as I would try to check anything off my list or spend any amount of time in another room, the whining and clinging started. I would just sit and spend all day with the boys if I could, but then the house would be in shambles.
2. I still have a lot of work to do with Blaise, my older son, though I'm not sure if I would just be spinning my wheels. His mood can flip so quickly. And our days are so dependent on his moods. He's the reason I couldn't get anything done at home; Isaac honestly isn't so whiny and clingy. I'm thinking about feeding him more peanuts, which sounds silly, except that I read that peanuts contain tryptophan, which is a precursor to serotonin, and I refuse to even consider giving a 5 year old antidepressants, though I do think he's got some depression already. Poor kiddo. Perhaps increasing his serotonin levels will help him. He is such a wonderful child. He is so helpful; one of these days, I will post pictures of him helping me this week. After Andy came home Wed, Blaise and I organized the shoes in our closet in a couple of cardboard shoe racks and also set up the TV and movies on a small desk we got from my parents, among other things. He was a great help with both and felt so proud. Perhaps part of the problem is my own impatience and depressed feelings; Sometimes I just want to get stuff done rather than having him help me. Although his helping me clean the bathrooms this morning is what set off our bad day; he apparently has a sensitivity to the bathroom cleaner I was using and had a headache for the better part of the day after that - which for him also means crabbiness for the better part of the day. I don't know what to do about him.
3. I am dreading going back to work. I don't think I'm the physical therapist I... well, maybe the problem is that I don't have the desire to be a good PT anymore. I do my best while I'm there, but I don't have confidence in my abilities... I have been faced with some tougher cases lately, but I also see my coworkers with patients and truly am not the PT they are. And I don't care; I just want to be done. I wish I had never went into PT. Though, as God does, He has used this for good. I have more confidence in talking with people and taking charge in relationships than I used to. At one point, I made a list of 5-10 ways I have grown by being a PT; but I can't remember any of the other points now. Two weeks ago, a patient of mine hit the nail on the head when he thanked me for having the patience with him and my other patients; he said it must be hard to maintain that level of patience. Well, honestly, it's all a show on most days. I started to notice my losing patience with Andy and the kids more often than I used to about six months ago. More recently, I have little patience for my patients or coworkers at work. I just want to be left alone and not have so many people depending on me, too often. I am the "authority figure" for my patients at work; they come to me with their pain and problems and look to me to show them how to fix it. Then I come home and am asked to do everything for the kids (Andy helps a lot). I usually enjoy scratching Andy's back at night, but too often that just seems like one more thing. I'm an introvert. I need my time, but the bike rides I go on, going to Church to pray, and talking with understanding friends just doesn't seem to be enough sometimes. I dread going back to work because I just want to focus on one aspect of my life for a while - and my family will not go away, nor do I want them to, so the other option is work - and it frustrates me that, as Andy often reminds me, that is not an option right now. Though in a year it will likely be an option.
4. I admire homeschoolers, but I don't think I will be able to do that, especially not with Blaise. If Blaise and I didn't but heads so often, I may still consider it. Perhaps someday I'll think about it again. For now, we've got 4 great Catholic schools in the area that we will be considering.
5. The boys and I are not good at staying home all day. Perhaps because Blaise gets bored, or perhaps because I find too many things that need to be done.
I hope this post did not come off as my just complaining. Yesterday, I would have been singing the praises of being able to stay at home all week. Today is another day. But I'm still glad I was able to be home this week; it was a blessing to be allowed that opportunity.
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