A Question for Moms of Boys

This is a question especially for all you moms who have boys 5 years and older: When can one expect a boy to start behaving during Mass? By behaving, I mean staying reasonably still, being fairly quiet, listening when we ask them to settle down, and facing the front most of the time.
Our older boy is nearly 5, and I'm wondering what I can expect from him especially, and when I can expect him to improve further. Our 3 1/2 year old is most of the time better than our nearly 5 year old.
Currently the boys only come to Church with us on average every 2 to 3 weeks because I am so exhausted by the end of Mass when we bring them with us. But I also want the boys to get used to going to Mass and to know it's just a part of our lives, and my husband and I also like to participate in Mass together. Are we doing the boys a disservice by not bringing them, or is it ok in the long run to keep them home? Any tips on getting them to enjoy Mass or on wanting to come with us or wanting to behave? Or on just getting them to behave in general?
Thanks for your opinions!

Comments

Allison said…
I obviously don't have boys, or children for that matter, but just a question. Where do you guys sit in church? Do you sit in the back or the front?

The priest of my parish tells families with small children to sit up front contrary to what they may want to do. Because of course it's easier to leave to the narthex if you're in back. However, he said (and I've heard from other moms on Catholic forums) that it's better for little ones to be in front so they can actually see what the priest is doing.

Do you explain what's going on during Mass? Or have any Catholic books that explain anything?

I think routines are good too, so I'd say keep up with weekly attendance, but like I said, I don't have kids. But I know with Steve, a kid missing Mass won't be an option :)

Sorry if that didn't help at all, I don't know what you currently do! And p.s. I did respond to your post on my blog
June 5, 2010 at 8:51 PM
Krissy A. said…
As I know you know, all kids are different, so these tips may or may not take for your little guys, but here is what has worked for us!

1) Introduce one rule at a time. A good first rule is "Sit when Daddy sits and stand when Daddy stands." (This actually prevents a good deal of misbehavior all together!)

2)Prepare them immediately before Mass, like in the car on the way there. Give them the behavior you want and the consequence they'll get if they don't do it. "If you don't sit when Daddy sits, Daddy will take you to the back for a spanking and corner time." (Or whatever you feel is appropriate--but make it worse than every day punishments so they know that you don't mess with Mass!)

3) Sometimes you might need a gentle reminder at first, because they'll forget. "Look, Daddy's sitting!" If you know they're disobeying/resisting on purpose, have Daddy take them back right away and have them serve their time, with a reminder of what the rule is. Then bring them right back(cry rooms backfire for us!)

4)As the rule is followed (more or less), add additional rules, one at a time, every other week or so.

5) Sit between them! When the boys sit together, there will NOT be peace.

6)We let them read religious books as long as they are quiet, but no toys or food. We'll probably nix the books for John Paul when he is preparing to receive his first communion.

7) Give lots of praise and affection afterward for a well behaved Mass.

8) Don't be embarrassed to take your kids out ten times. If other people judge you, that's on their soul, not yours!

9) Remember that the graces you get at Mass will not always be from hanging on to every word that is spoken. This is our vocation, and the misbehavior is a means to our holiness! (Wahoo for us, right?)

Prayers for you and all! It will get better someday (or so people tell me!)
June 5, 2010 at 9:56 PM
Krissy A. said…
I forgot one thing. Sometimes when we sense the beginning of squirminess, Pete will whisper in their ears how proud he is that they are behaving so well. It's important that they hear that from their Daddy--that he's proud of them for behaving. It has really helped our little buddies!
June 5, 2010 at 10:03 PM
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