Thank you, again!
Thank you for your continuous support and prayers and your kind and encouraging words! You have helped to lift my heart during this time.
I'm doing better today than I have since I heard about my low hCG numbers last Wed. Gosh, does is seem like it's been a long time since then, but it's really been only 5 days! What a week! I am saddened, of course, that I will not be able to hold my own little one in my arms in July but hopeful I someday will be able to hold another little one. But I am also relieved to know the answer. And I am relieved that my decreasing hCG levels indicate a miscarriage, rather than an ectopic pregnancy - which would be likely if my numbers were continuing to slowly climb as they had been.
There is something about being in limbo, not knowing the answer, that bothers me and really irritates me and causes great impatience. Does anyone else find that they feel similarly? It is a real cross for me and but one that I need to work through and, with God's grace, to learn to maintain patience and level-headedness when I cannot see the answers. Could it also be a trust issue, I ask myself; I'm not sure. Perhaps an issue of control? That's more likely. Or perhaps it's just natural. Oh, but whatever it was, did it make the last 5 days even more difficult than they otherwise would have been! Now that I am able to know the answer and able to begin to accept it and allow the miscarriage to happen, this is something I will be working on. Trying times often have a way of bringing things to light - I suppose another thing to be thankful for.
I am also amazed how many people suffer with infertility issues. Having looked at a few other Catholic's blogs, I am humbled. Many have lived with infertility for years! What a cross! And having read success stories on many of theirs, I feel more hopeful, and also feel my own heart praising God for the beautiful gift He has given many of them in healthy pregnancies and healthy children. Most seem to have worked with doctors who practice NaPro and use the Creighton method of fertility care; what a gift we have in that!
Lord, please hold my little ones in Your loving arms, since I am unable to. Let them bask in the light of Your love. And may Andy and I, and our living and future children, also one day be able to meet these children face to face.
I'm doing better today than I have since I heard about my low hCG numbers last Wed. Gosh, does is seem like it's been a long time since then, but it's really been only 5 days! What a week! I am saddened, of course, that I will not be able to hold my own little one in my arms in July but hopeful I someday will be able to hold another little one. But I am also relieved to know the answer. And I am relieved that my decreasing hCG levels indicate a miscarriage, rather than an ectopic pregnancy - which would be likely if my numbers were continuing to slowly climb as they had been.
There is something about being in limbo, not knowing the answer, that bothers me and really irritates me and causes great impatience. Does anyone else find that they feel similarly? It is a real cross for me and but one that I need to work through and, with God's grace, to learn to maintain patience and level-headedness when I cannot see the answers. Could it also be a trust issue, I ask myself; I'm not sure. Perhaps an issue of control? That's more likely. Or perhaps it's just natural. Oh, but whatever it was, did it make the last 5 days even more difficult than they otherwise would have been! Now that I am able to know the answer and able to begin to accept it and allow the miscarriage to happen, this is something I will be working on. Trying times often have a way of bringing things to light - I suppose another thing to be thankful for.
I am also amazed how many people suffer with infertility issues. Having looked at a few other Catholic's blogs, I am humbled. Many have lived with infertility for years! What a cross! And having read success stories on many of theirs, I feel more hopeful, and also feel my own heart praising God for the beautiful gift He has given many of them in healthy pregnancies and healthy children. Most seem to have worked with doctors who practice NaPro and use the Creighton method of fertility care; what a gift we have in that!
Lord, please hold my little ones in Your loving arms, since I am unable to. Let them bask in the light of Your love. And may Andy and I, and our living and future children, also one day be able to meet these children face to face.
Comments
Yes, thank goodness for NaPro docs, Creighton and HcG!! All of them helped us get pregnant :) I was on HcG shots monthly for 9 months and conceived, along with learning the Creighton model (previously had done Billings) and some help from Clomid. It was my absolute last round of Clomid try after having numerous in the past and our last effort before we were headed to Dr. Hilgers at Pope Paul VI Institute. A week after receiving my referral and recommendations back from Dr. Hilgers, we had a positive pregnancy test at the clinic!
God's amazing timing isn't always ours to predict, but His timing is perfect in every way in the end.
May your days ahead be filled with peace and blessing in unexpected ways.